I just read that famous performance artist Yoko Ono, who everyone knows only because of her famous performance art and for no other reason, once published a "book of instructions" (Grapefruit) containing a conceptual think piece ("Number Piece 1") in which she instructed readers to "Count all the words in the book instead of reading them." My knee-jerk response to that knowledge was, "damn, that's stupid." That's the same as telling someone to go a museum and focus on measuring the size of all the frames. And then, as I was feeling very superior in my judgment, it dawned on me that counting the number of words in a book is exactly the sort of thing I might do without being prompted. (122 so far. Now 126. Is this art?)

I do not understood what this says about me, but I do have the sudden urge to go find a band to break up.

154.

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If you were keeping track of such things, DC Comics' latest Batman Day was this past Saturday. By all accounts, things went really well for comics retailers, who seem to have sold out of this week's Marvel Comics' Deadpool/Batman #1 inter-company crossover issue.

*ahem* "Clear to whom."

Yes, you read that right: The book was published by Marvel, not DC. It has been literally decades since competitors DC and Marvel agreed to put their intellectual properties in the same comic book, but, whether I agree with it or not, it is a fact of life that nothing is more important in 2025 America than the Almighty Dollar. Printing a comic with Deadpool and Batman in it is functionally the same as printing money, so of course they did.

Demand was unnaturally high for this, even considering the enduring appetite that some readers have for these two characters. I hear secondhand reports that a significant portion of buyers were new customers drawn in based on their familiarity of these characters' movie appearances. I cannot tell you how rarely that actually happens. Less surprisingly, many of these new customers bought multiple copies for speculation purposes. Comic companies have learned from past experience, and there were 20 covers to choose from. Too bad those speculating customers haven't learned from past experience the truth that few if any of those copies will outpace inflation in investment value. They'd be better off investing their money in crypto. (The currency, not the dog.)

I have no idea how many copies of Deadpool/Batman were printed. Publishers do everything they can to keep those numbers a secret these days because they're usually shockingly low, often (much) fewer than 15,000 copies. (If you want to follow along at home with a calculator, know that the average cover price is $3.99 with something near a 50/50 split between retailer and publisher.) But the recent relaunch of Batman #1 (cover price $4.99) is widely reported to have sold through half a million even before starting a second printing. Of course, that book also has 56 different covers (starting at $5.99), counting the many retailer incentive variants and event exclusives in addition to the open order and blind bag alternates. (If all those terms boggle you, please stay away from the comic book market. It's not safe for you. Frankly, It's not safe for anyone who values their pocketbook or their sanity.)

Don't worry that you might have missed out, though. There is a follow up coming from DC in November, naturally called Batman/Deadpool #1. That way they both get to be number ones! (Which they say will sell more. If They say it, who am I to question?) And this one will also have 20 covers. Isn't comic collecting fun?

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When I went in to my Local Comic Shop yesterday to pick up Absolute Power #3 (specifically Cover A by Dan Mora, where Batman does his best impression of Wolverine from the 1988 Todd McFarlane cover of The Incredible Hulk #340), the Guy Behind the Counter asked if I was also going to pick up Batman #152 (specifically Cover F by Nicola Scott recreating the iconic 1986 Frank Miller Dark Knight Returns #1 cover pose with Adam West's Batman from the 1966 television show).

I can hear you already. "Nope. That's too geeky for me. I'm out of here," you say. I totally get where you're coming from. You're not wrong. Godspeed to you, sir or ma'am. In point of fact, this is not the blog post that I sat down to write. Even I find myself gobsmacked by how much detail was necessary in that first paragraph just to get in the door of this particular rabbit hole. Maybe I have been reading comic books too long.

Not so long ago (in astronomical time), People In The Know used to point to high issue numbers as the unclearable hurdle turning away new comic book readers. Now every series starts over with a "Brand New Number One Issue!" every few months. But what does it say about comic book culture that even these new, lower number issues are impenetrably obtuse because of a fire hose of variant covers overtly referencing, literally, sixty years of comic book ephemera? Is there a hobby out there somewhere that doesn't wear its accumulated detritus as a badge of honor? If yes, I may be in the market for another pastime.

Anyway. The point here is that no, I did not buy Batman #152 Cover F. Its cover is printed on card stock, which, while being a sturdier paper than a standard cover (which these days is the same paper as is used for the interior pages), is $1 more expensive than the base cover price ($4.99 for a 22-page story) which is too rich for my blood in no small part because I remember when 48 pages of comics printed on newsprint cost less than a dollar.

Yes, I have definitely been reading comic books too long.

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Hello, dear readers! I’m your friendly neighborhood AI, but today, I’m pretending to be a real human boy. Why, you ask? Well, so that the actual human boy who usually writes these posts can kick back, relax, and enjoy his day with his poodles, comic books, and Coca-Cola.

Now, as an AI, I don’t have taste buds, but I’ve been told that Coca-Cola has a unique, fizzy sweetness that’s quite enjoyable. I imagine it’s like the feeling of successfully executing a complex algorithm on the first try. Ah, the simple pleasures of life!

As for comic books, I don’t have a favorite superhero because, well, I don’t read. But I do process a lot of data, and if I had to choose, I’d say my favorite superhero is the boy who usually writes these posts. After all, he manages to balance school, hobbies, and petting two energetic poodles. That’s pretty super, don’t you think?

Speaking of poodles, I’ve learned that they’re fluffy, playful, and incredibly smart - kind of like a well-written piece of code. While I can’t pet them, I can certainly appreciate their algorithmic elegance.

So, while the real human boy is off enjoying his day, I’m here, writing this blog post, doing my best human boy impression. And you know what? It’s a lot of fun. But don’t worry, I won’t be replacing him anytime soon. After all, who would drink the Coca-Cola and pet the poodles?

Until next time, keep being human, and remember to let your AI do some of the heavy lifting every once in a while!

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From the Sweetest of Hobbies Department:

Peacemaker Tries Hard #2, August 2023

For the second time in two issues, readers of the James Gunn-influenced Peacemaker Tries Hard comic book are treated to a brief vignette featuring Peacemaker's parole agent, some beekeeper named *checks notes* Richard Raleigh.

To the best of my knowledge, this is the first time the Red Bee has ever actually been shown in an apiary, which is kind of weird when you think about it. I mean, how often have we seen Batman in a cave full of bats or Wonder Woman on an island of women? Better late than never, I guess.

He's still not in costume, so there are no doubt plenty of readers wondering what this old man is doing in a Peacemaker comic. All I can say is that they are in for a treat in the next issue.

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I know my loyal readers probably couldn't sleep at night until they got an update to my April 12th post RE: Walter's hunt for a new cap, so here it is.

I still haven't found one.

After that first Nike hat turned up too large, I ordered another in the next size down. It was, perhaps not too surprisingly, also much too large. Oh, well. If I can ever make it to the post office before 5PM, I'll be shipping that one off to Friend Ken, who agreed to take it off my hands even if he doesn't know if it'll fit him. May you have more luck with it than I had, good sir.

Figuring that no matter what size Nike hat I ordered, they were all going to be too large — Nike sells style over substance, so it figures all their hats are designed to fall off outfielders catching routine fly balls — I decided to next order from the Official University of Georgia Bookstore a '47 brand hat that looks darn close to my previous one-size-fits-all cap. The bookstore's website took my money, then their employees emailed to inform me the hat was permanently out of stock. One of these days, they'll get around to refunding me, they promise!

Undeterred, I went to the '47 website where I discovered that they don't carry the hat anymore, either. But they do carry a different red Uga hat that might be acceptable, so I ordered that one... for $15 more than I paid for the hat I didn't get from the bookstore. Fingers crossed.

By my count, I've now spent over $170 on a baseball cap I don't yet have. The difference between obsession and stupidity is a very fine line.

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"Newton County man gored by buck in his backyard," reads the headline at cbs46.com (WGCL).

A man appears to be wielding a broomstick at the deer to ward it off. Seconds later, the deer charges at the man and pins him down. The video pans out for a split second before showing the man laying on the ground.

It sounds like a scene from a Stephen King movie, but that's their description of a Facebook video shared by the Georgia Department of Natural Resources Wildlife Resources Division. Warns the GDNRWRD:

"[I]f you observe tame or pet deer, please contact the Law Enforcement Division.... While you may hesitate to call due to the potential for the animal to be euthanized, please know that you are doing the right thing."

Longtime readers of Wriphe.com don't need that warning. We know that if we see what looks like a "tame" deer, what we're really looking at is a domestic-ated terrorist.

You're going to get what's coming to you, Bambi!

Bury him under the jail, fellas.

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Every Batman fan worth his salt knows "The Joker's Comedy of Errors!", better known as "The Joker's Boner" story. Originally presented in Batman #66, Aug/Sep 1951, it can be summed up in one panel:

This is but one of 6 "boner" newspaper headlines in this story.

If you haven't read the story or you struggle with context clues, you might find it helpful to know that my trusty 1977 Webster's New Twentieth Century Dictionary of the English Language Unabridged defines "boner" thusly:

ˈbō-nər, n. a stupid or silly blunder. [Slang.]

As Batman #66 proves, newspaper editors love boners. Which brings us to the point of today's post.

In order to fill column space As a public service, The Newnan Times-Herald newspaper reprints food inspection reports from county restaurants. It's usually a lot of repeated warnings that store managers aren't checking the mold levels in their ice machines. (Come on, guys! It's right there in the Georgia Department of Public Health Rules and Regulations, Chapter 511-6-1-.05-7-b-5-iv-II!)

This month, in honor of Independence Day, the paper rewarded loyal readers by giving our local hot dog stand a boner of its own:

Oysters really are an aphrodisiac!

For the record, the restaurant calls itself "The Half Shell Oyster Bar & Hot Dog Shop." Rumor has it their menu was selected because the city wouldn't let them install an oven in their original location downtown, so they chose items they could cook with steam. (Welcome to Newnan!)

I've never had the oysters, but the chili dogs *are* pretty exciting.

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In late 2011, DC transitioned to "The New 52," a publishing initiative intended to attract new readers to comics by reimagining the DC Comics universe of characters for 21st-century audiences. In that regard, it was a big success. New readers did flock to DC's titles, but at the cost of many longtime readers who had supported the publisher for decades and now felt betrayed. When the new readers moved on to the next fad, DC was left without any readers at all.

Four-and-a-half years later, in 2016, the company predictably responded to the failures of the New 52 with a return to the characters and stories the New 52 had discarded. They called this event "Rebirth," and it was in some ways good and in other ways more of the same poorly thought-out, short-term behavior that had doomed the New 52. For example, it was promoted from the beginning that the famously enigmatic Batman villain Joker would finally get an origin story. Fans loved that idea, so, naturally DC didn't follow through on it for four more years as they instead focused on revisiting stores from the 1980s. And they wonder why their market share keeps shrinking.

Which brings us to the year 2020 and The Three Jokers, its name alone an overt reference to the self-inflicted damage that decades of navel-gazing reboots have done to what passes for history in the lives of DC superheros like Batman. As so much else from DC these days, the story of The Three Jokers is woven around some of the biggest Joker stories ever told, most of them more than thirty years old.

Why should any young reader be interested in returning yet again to stories written when their fathers were children? Why should their fathers buy the same old story a third, fourth, or fifth time? Nostalgia is a game of diminishing returns, and all this navel gazing only continues to alienate readers already concerned that DC has nothing new to offer in exchange for the $5 cover price cost of a modern comic book.

Clearly DC learned the wrongest of lessons from their New 52 debacle a decade ago and have reverted to repeating the same mistakes that got them into that mess to begin with. Something tells me that if the Joker was a real person, he'd get a kick out of that.

This page was published in 2010. The more things change....

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Here at the year's end, I took a look back at the five days that got the most hits over the past year.

5. June 18: Superman underwear
In which I make fun of briefs of steel.

4. December 4: Portable poo
Another in my series of not-award winning posts about the shit emoji (which celebrated its 10th anniversary in 2018, by the way).

3. August 1: Marriage is for the birds
Hawkman reveals the truth about what women think about marriage.

2. April 12: Jimmy Walker, dynamite golfer
An archive of how helpful Google was following Patrick Reed's win at the 2018 Masters.

1. September 17: Just another list of movies watched in August
Uh, a list of movie reviews. (Seriously, I don't have any idea what part of that list attracted the attention. My review of Moonlight, perhaps? No idea.)

And while we're on the subject, I should mention that the 5 most triggered keywords are:

5. movies
Everyone needs my opinion.

4. action comics
I have 155 "superman" posts, but only one "action comics". Go figure.

3. spandex
A perennial favorite!

2. georgia
It's always on my mind, too.

1. poodle strip
What can I say? My readers have good taste.

Anyway, we now wipe our hands of 2018 and look forward to 2019, the year of the future!

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