Showing 1 - 10 of 169 posts found matching keyword: batman

Think your headlines are bad? At least you don't live in Gotham City.

Batman always wears a mask when visiting the hospital
Batman #120, December 1958

They saved the elephant, but Batman had to be put down.

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What's under Batman's cape?

Flasher Batman™

Perhaps that's best left to the imagination.

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Watched just in time for Christmas:

146. (2005.) Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

This movie is infamous because of how public response to its Santa-with-an-axe ad campaign ended up getting the movie pulled from theatrical release. But what it should be infamous for is how it twists the Batman's origin into a (lame) horror story.

As my Christmas gift to the world, I've translated the movie back into comic panels.

Vengeance is a dish best served with cookies
Can't fault this logic

Now you can say you've seen Silent Night, Deadly Night (just like how for years I said I'd seen the R-rated Robocop when I'd only read the PG-rated Marvel Comics adaptation). Merry Christmas!

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Twitter very helpfully reminds me that today is Batman Day 2021. Explains the site: "Fans pay tribute to the DC Comics superhero on Batman Day, which is celebrated each year on the third Saturday of September." The only problem with that description is that it is not true.

Maybe Batman Day is held on the third Saturday of September since 2018, but it wasn't always. As I have documented elsewhere, Batman Day has been all over the calendar since it was first recognized in July 2014. But that's not the part I'm really bothered by.

The word "fans" in that description is misleading, unless you'd describe the corporations who own the Batman intellectual property as fans. Unlike Star Wars Day, which began as a genuine celebration of its source material before being taken over as a marketing exercise by The Walt Disney Co., Batman Day has never been anything other than a marketing exercise by WarnerMedia.

I wonder if whoever crafted that description for Twitter wasn't having a little fun with the wording. The phrase "pay tribute," which has come to mean a figurative giving of praise, was originally meant quite literally. A tribute is a tax levied on conquered peoples. Give your thanks (and dollars!) to your corporate masters, Bat-fans!

Which is not to say that I don't like Batman or think it's uncool to say how great the Caped Crusader is. I'd just like a little honesty in why we chose today to do it, is all.

Sometimes he's a little too honest
Batman #119, October 1958

Honesty! It's what Batman would want.

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Her nose always knows!

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Batman '66:

Bat-Shake!

Batman '21:

Bat-Bump!
via Tenor.com

What a difference half a century makes!

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Every Batman fan worth his salt knows "The Joker's Comedy of Errors!", better known as "The Joker's Boner" story. Originally presented in Batman #66, Aug/Sep 1951, it can be summed up in one panel:

Extra, extra! Read all a-boner!
This is but one of 6 "boner" newspaper headlines in this story.

If you haven't read the story or you struggle with context clues, you might find it helpful to know that my trusty 1977 Webster's New Twentieth Century Dictionary of the English Language Unabridged defines "boner" thusly:

bōn´ẽr, n. a stupid or silly blunder. [Slang.]

As Batman #66 proves, newspaper editors love boners. Which brings us to the point of today's post.

In order to fill column space As a public service, The Newnan Times-Herald newspaper reprints food inspection reports from county restaurants. It's usually a lot of repeated warnings that store managers aren't checking the mold levels in their ice machines. (Come on, guys! It's right there in the Georgia Department of Public Health Rules and Regulations, Chapter 511-6-1-.05-7-b-5-iv-II!)

This month, in honor of Independence Day, the paper rewarded loyal readers by giving our local hot dog stand a boner of its own:

I eat hotdongs with relish!

Oysters really are an aphrodisiac!

For the record, the restaurant calls itself "The Half Shell Oyster Bar & Hot Dog Shop." Rumor has it their menu was selected because the city wouldn't let them install an oven in their original location downtown, so they chose items they could cook with steam. (Welcome to Newnan!)

I've never had the oysters, but the chili dogs *are* pretty exciting.

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From the Mark Twain's Obituary Department:

When last we saw our hero, the Red Bee, he was dead. Very dead. Killed by Nazis in World War II dead. Having dinner with ghosts dead.

Well, guess what: He got better!

He looks pretty good for a dead guy
Dark Nights: Death Metal #5, November 2020

As happens in the funny books, competing gods have altered reality, changing heroes into villains and vice versa. Through a quirk of fate, in this altered reality Batman has been given the power to raise the dead to help him fight those gods, and Red Bee was among the lucky multitude of heroes he brought back from the beyond.

I don't know how a guy who dresses in a translucent blouse and whose super power consists entirely of training bees to sting on command will be of any help defeating gods... but I'm also not Batman. I'm sure he knows what he's doing.

Li'l help?
Dark Nights: Death Metal #6, December 2020

In hindsight, Batman probably should have reanimated Michael, the Red Bee's trained bee. Michael was the one with the real powers, after all. All Red Bee really ever does is make his opponents uncomfortable with his sartorial choices. That's probably not going to be too useful against shadow demons who don't even wear pants.

Tell my bee I love him
Dark Nights: Death Metal #7, January 2021

Yeah, that went about as well as one might expect. Stay down, Bee!

The good news is that at the end of the fight, all of reality was reset once again. Assuming comic books survive the collapse of America, I'd say we've not seen the last of the Red Bee (or his gauzy sleeves).

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Slate.com's culture blog, Brow Beat, has published a satirical article that is too perfect. (I'm so jealous. I wish I'd thought of it first.) I'm reposting just the start to whet your appetite.

Don’t Prosecute Gotham’s Supervillains for Their Latest Scheme

Any attempt to bring the Joker to justice is likely to fail or backfire.

By THE JOKER   JAN 12, 2021 · 7:47 AM

It’s been a traumatizing couple of weeks in Gotham City, full of unthinkable violence and chaos. We’ve all seen the appalling footage: the exploding shark, the pier bombing, and the United World Organization building—until last week, a powerful symbol of the democratic hopes of the entire world—being invaded, vandalized, and defiled by the “United Underworld,” an alliance of the city’s most dastardly criminals: Catwoman, the Penguin, the Riddler, and even the Joker, the coolest supervillain of them all (although his role in the plot was very minor or maybe even nonexistent, from what I’m hearing). People across Gotham are frustrated and angered, and the vicious, unwarranted vigilante attack launched by so-called crime fighters Batman and Robin against the crew of a whimsically decorated Navy surplus submarine in Gotham Harbor did nothing to lower the emotional temperature.

Now it appears that Commissioner Gordon and Chief O’Hara are planning to bring criminal charges against the ringleaders of the United Underworld. This is a grave mistake. Our great city should be looking forward right now, not dwelling on the past. A trial would only dredge up traumatic memories and evidence of the terror unleashed by the Penguin, the Riddler, Catwoman, and possibly others. Criminal trials should not occur in the heat of the moment, if ever, and I fear that investigating this shameful incident any further would only be inflammatory and incriminating.

...

Read the rest at
https://slate.com/culture/2021/01/impeachment-prosecution-batman-joker-penguin-catwoman-riddler-united-underworld-kidnapping.html

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Orange you glad to see me?

Batman, Life of the Party

Are you hitting on me, officer?

He has a voice like a bat

Listening to your singing is a violation of my civil rights!

You're a mean one, Mister Grinch

The Silent Night of the Batman
Batman #219, February 1970

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To be continued...

 

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