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Happy Birthday, 'Murica.
The Second Day of July 1776, will be the most memorable Epocha, in the History of America.
I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival. It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance by solemn Acts of Devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more.
— Letter from John Adams to Abigail Adams, 3 July 1776 (masshist.org)
Happy Great Anniversary Festival, everybody!
On May 16, House Bill 135 was reported to the Ohio House of Representatives State and Local Government Committee. House Bill 135 seeks to amend section 5.49 of the state's Revised Code to read:
Sec. 5.49. The twelfth day of June is designated as "Superman Day" to recognize the Ohio birthplace of one of the creators of the superhero who stood for "truth, justice, and the American way." For on this day, let it be known that Superman is faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Superman!
Now that's good government!
Sadly, as of this date, the bill remains only a House Bill, having not yet passed the House much less the state Senate, where it hasn't even been introduced yet. Therefore, it doesn't look like Superman Day will be June 12, 2017. Fortunately, there are plenty of other dates on the calendar for the Man of Tomorrow.
Way back in 2013, DC Comics declared June 12 "Man of Steel" Day in advance of the movie of the same title, and some people have celebrated the day ever since. (Americans love their stupid, corporate-manufactured holidays.) I'm not sure why June 12 was selected. The movie opened on June 14. To be fair, Action Comics was cover-dated June, 1938, though it was actually most likely released April 18.
Since this bill specifically references Superman's creators, it's worth noting that the birthday of Cleveland-born Jerry Siegel, Superman's co-creator, is in October — 10/17/1914, to be specific. Comparatively, Siegel's partner, Joe Shuster, was born in Canada in July. And, of course, Superman's birthday has (almost) always been February 29. (At least since 1976.)
So June 12 is as good a date as anything, I guess.
In any event, I'll be perfectly willing to celebrate Superman Day whenever Ohio gets around to approving it. Just don't wait too long, guys. Superman might not age, but we're not all so lucky.
Feast-er your eyes on this vintage Coca-Cola advertisement from 1958:
I learned from Alice in Wonderland not to trust any grinning white rabbits.
But I'd still drink his Coke.
(gloating to soothsayer)
The ides of March are come.
(speaking truth to power)
Ay, Caesar; but not gone.
Well, I'm Caesar, and I say they are. Effective immediately, we're seasonally adjusting all the sundials forward one hour! Goodbye, Ides of March. Hello, Seventeenth Kalends of March!
What a huge improvement you've made, boss! Now I can enjoy an extra hour of gladiator fights at the Circus Maximus after work. You're not such a terrible tyrant after all! (sheaths his knife) Hooray!
This play sucks.
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Batman was computer dating in 1966. Take that, Match.com!
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What can be said about 2016 that hasn't already been said?
As bad as things were for America, Europe isn't doing much better. In a year that saw the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences award Bob Dylan a Nobel Prize for Literature to a thousands of people involved in sexual assaults in Cologne, Germany, it's no wonder that Great Britain voluntary withdrew from the European Union.
So what does Europe have to say for itself?
We're leaving together,
but still it's farewell.
And maybe we'll come back
to earth, who can tell?
I guess there is no one to blame.
We're leaving ground.
Will things ever be the same again?
It's the final countdown.
The final countdown.
Such pessimism! If you thought 2016 was rough, it's just setting the stage for 2017. Hold onto your hats.
The spirit raised a frightful cry, and shook its chain with such a dismal and appalling noise, that Scrooge held on tight to his chair, to save himself from falling in a swoon. But how much greater was his horror, when the phantom taking off the bandage round its head, as if it were too warm to wear indoors, its lower jaw dropped down upon its breast!
Scrooge fell upon his knees, and clasped his hands before his face. "Mercy!" he said. "Dreadful apparition, why do you trouble me?"
"Man of the worldly mind!" replied the Ghost, "do you believe in me or not?"
"I do," said Scrooge.
"I don't," said Velma, drawing aside the curtain to reveal herself and her friends. "Now, Fred!"
A lasso of rope fell over the Ghost's shoulders, squeezing its arms against its sides. "Let me free!" it demanded.
"What kind of ghost can be caught with a rope?" asked Daphne.
"This is no ghost," said Velma. She placed her hand on the captive spirit's head, and with a quick jerk, pulled off its mask to reveal an unexpected visage that Scrooge recognized immediately.
"Bob Cratchit!" he cried. "My clerk? But why? How?"
"Mr. Cratchit was jealous of your wealth," explained Fred. "His plan was to feed you spicy pepperoni pizzas for dinner so that you would have bad dreams he could influence with these fake hauntings."
"Once you were scared enough, he was going to talk you into giving your entire fortune to charity," added Velma.
"I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids!" said Bob.
"And me," said Scooby-Doo.
"Like, those pizzas were delicious, weren't they, Scoob?" said Shaggy, rubbing his dog on the head.
Scooby licked his lips. "Dee-ricious!"
"Thank 'ee," said Scrooge. "I am much obliged to you. I thank you fifty times. Bless you!"
"Does this mean we can count on you to make a donation to our Christmas fund?" Daphne asked hopefully.
"Bah!" said Scrooge, "Humbug!"
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