Showing 1 - 10 of 156 posts found matching keyword: holidays
Feast-er your eyes on this vintage Coca-Cola advertisement from 1958:
I learned from Alice in Wonderland not to trust any grinning white rabbits.
But I'd still drink his Coke.
(gloating to soothsayer)
The ides of March are come.
(speaking truth to power)
Ay, Caesar; but not gone.
Well, I'm Caesar, and I say they are. Effective immediately, we're seasonally adjusting all the sundials forward one hour! Goodbye, Ides of March. Hello, Seventeenth Kalends of March!
What a huge improvement you've made, boss! Now I can enjoy an extra hour of gladiator fights at the Circus Maximus after work. You're not such a terrible tyrant after all! (sheaths his knife) Hooray!
This play sucks.
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Batman was computer dating in 1966. Take that, Match.com!
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What can be said about 2016 that hasn't already been said?
As bad as things were for America, Europe isn't doing much better. In a year that saw the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences award Bob Dylan a Nobel Prize for Literature to a thousands of people involved in sexual assaults in Cologne, Germany, it's no wonder that Great Britain voluntary withdrew from the European Union.
So what does Europe have to say for itself?
We're leaving together,
but still it's farewell.
And maybe we'll come back
to earth, who can tell?
I guess there is no one to blame.
We're leaving ground.
Will things ever be the same again?
It's the final countdown.
The final countdown.
Such pessimism! If you thought 2016 was rough, it's just setting the stage for 2017. Hold onto your hats.
The spirit raised a frightful cry, and shook its chain with such a dismal and appalling noise, that Scrooge held on tight to his chair, to save himself from falling in a swoon. But how much greater was his horror, when the phantom taking off the bandage round its head, as if it were too warm to wear indoors, its lower jaw dropped down upon its breast!
Scrooge fell upon his knees, and clasped his hands before his face. "Mercy!" he said. "Dreadful apparition, why do you trouble me?"
"Man of the worldly mind!" replied the Ghost, "do you believe in me or not?"
"I do," said Scrooge.
"I don't," said Velma, drawing aside the curtain to reveal herself and her friends. "Now, Fred!"
A lasso of rope fell over the Ghost's shoulders, squeezing its arms against its sides. "Let me free!" it demanded.
"What kind of ghost can be caught with a rope?" asked Daphne.
"This is no ghost," said Velma. She placed her hand on the captive spirit's head, and with a quick jerk, pulled off its mask to reveal an unexpected visage that Scrooge recognized immediately.
"Bob Cratchit!" he cried. "My clerk? But why? How?"
"Mr. Cratchit was jealous of your wealth," explained Fred. "His plan was to feed you spicy pepperoni pizzas for dinner so that you would have bad dreams he could influence with these fake hauntings."
"Once you were scared enough, he was going to talk you into giving your entire fortune to charity," added Velma.
"I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids!" said Bob.
"And me," said Scooby-Doo.
"Like, those pizzas were delicious, weren't they, Scoob?" said Shaggy, rubbing his dog on the head.
Scooby licked his lips. "Dee-ricious!"
"Thank 'ee," said Scrooge. "I am much obliged to you. I thank you fifty times. Bless you!"
"Does this mean we can count on you to make a donation to our Christmas fund?" Daphne asked hopefully.
"Bah!" said Scrooge, "Humbug!"
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Spotted at Kroger: The Christmas Tree Funnel.
Because even Christmas trees want to do keg stands at frat parties.
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If you're a Kindle reader looking for a way to kill some time this Thanksgiving, I've got a present for you.
Until November 26, you can download digital copies of my second and third books for free from Amazon.com.
Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Black Friday, everybody.
Opened my browser today and this:
It's always nice to be reminded that Big Brother is watching. Next time, I'll put on pants before turning on my computer.
(Did they have to put bugs on my cake? I'm getting a very mixed message here.)