Monday 4 November 2024
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Saturday 2 November 2024
If you aren't familiar, American Hunter is an National Rifle Association publication promoting hunting in America. Usually, it has a deer on the cover. Which is why I found the latest cover model so surprising.
That's right, a magazine that exists to explicitly promote gun use has a cover image of a man who has just been shot with a gun.
Are they trolling? If this was on the Internet, I would assume it was a troll, an intentionally provocative image designed to "pown the libtards." Except that this magazine is distributed not to the general public of potential snowflakes but to card-carrying NRA members (like my father, which is how I ended up with a copy).
This is the same thing as Home Depot having a sales catalog with a cover showcasing Paul Pelosi after getting hit in the head with a hammer or the ASPCA soliciting donations with a brochure highlighting a child mauled by a pit bull. Misguided at best, counterproductive at worst.
It's gotta be a troll, right?
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Wednesday 30 October 2024
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Monday 28 October 2024
88/2399. Jazz Ramsey: A K-9 Mystery (2024)
The "canine" in the title of this Hallmark mystery is a red herring. Yes, there is a dog, but it has no chemistry with the actress playing "Jazz," and it only serves a narrative purpose of finding the murder victim... in the ventilation system of a school. Even a human nose would have detected that. Despite the fact that Jazz is supposed to be a dog trainer and the dog her foster animal, the dog is rarely seen again, not even when Jazz is worried about her own safety after being attacked by the supposed murderer. Ugh. Not recommended (even though I solved it almost immediately, or maybe because I solved it almost immediately).
89/2400. Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024)
I enjoy Anya Taylor-Joy so much, she almost made me appreciate Fury Road. But not quite. The entire post-apocalyptic dystopia scenario is just too grotesque for me to enjoy any of the many, many murders that take place there. Also, unlike Fury Road, this one feels too artificial, too computer-generated, like a sadistic cartoon. Ick. And what's up with Chris Hemsworth's fake nose? It's obviously still Hemsworth, so I spent all the time he was on screen wondering why they were trying to disguise his nose and not his six-pack abs. Bad decisions everywhere.
90/2401. Nelly Knows Mysteries: A Fatal Engagement (2024)
Finally, a charming Hallmark mystery movie in 2024. Yes, it plays out mostly like a police procedural with one quirky book-loving mystery fan and one by-the-book detective, and the perpetrator's identity is as obvious as ever thanks to the twists the script and editing take to obscure their own tracks. (Hint: it's always the one the movie goes out of its way to excuse.) However, the actors do seem to be genuinely enjoying themselves, and that goes a long way, especially when there's a murder afoot.
91/2402. Breathless (1960)
Sure, I watch a lot of made-for-television Hallmark mysteries, but I'm cultured. I can watch New Wave French cinema, too! I always use Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass as my example of how once-strikingly influential art seems mundane to modern eyes because of the many imitators that followed, and that analogy applies here. So many significant elements of this film would make their way into the work of Scorsese and Tarantino and others that Jean-Luc Godard's much-ballyhooed Breathless can often feel... well, boring is the wrong word, but maybe unnecessary. I certainly don't understand why Godard made many of his choices, but I cannot deny that they certainly leave a lasting impression.
More to come.
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Saturday 26 October 2024
We have two types of frozen hamburger patties in our freezer. One is a 1/3-pound angus beef patty, and the other is a cheaper 1/4-pound "classic" (read: red slime) beef patty. I like the angus, but we also bought the "classic" because, as I just said, it's cheaper. The cheaper patty tastes like what you get from the concession stand at a high school football game, which is fine enough if you're in a high school football stadium. But at home, I like something with a little less salt. (The "classic" patty is probably the healthier option, as it has fewer calories, less fat, less cholesterol, and even a little bonus iron and fiber. Just don't tell my achy breaky heart that it also has nine times the sodium!)
Tonight I cooked burgers for Mom and me, and since I don't like the "classic" patties and she claims she can't taste any difference (and I'd be wasting food if I threw away perfectly good frozen meat), I made one of each, a quarter-pounder for her and a third-pounder for me. Except I put both of them on the same platter, and you can guess which one Mom grabbed for herself.
When I complained, she blamed me for the error. How was she supposed to know that they were two different types of patties? If I was a better cook, maybe the "classic" would look and taste better. If I was a better son, I would have put the correct patty on a bun and brought it to her already made like those fancy Five Guys instead of asking her to make it herself like a low-rent Fuddruckers. If I was a better person, I wouldn't even have mentioned her mistake.
Counter argument: If she had raised me better, I wouldn't be living in her basement and dining on frozen hamburgers.
I tease. Mom, I know you're reading this, so let me confess that while I truly was looking forward to eating the patty I thought would taste better, I am not and never will be mad at you for eating my hamburger. It makes me happy for you to eat what you want, and I'll always humbly take whatever leftovers you leave me. Because I don't have any other choice. You already ate the good stuff.
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Thursday 24 October 2024
I have voted already, but I still cannot get away from this election. I think I have to stop watching the news. And talk shows. And football. And Jeopardy!. And maybe all television and streaming services. And given the amount of yard signs popping up like mushrooms in my neighborhood with some variation of "I'm voting for the convicted felon" on them, I might even have to stop walking the dogs. I just can't take it anymore.
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