Showing 1 - 10 of 314 posts found matching keyword: walter

I decided I needed something sweet to eat, so I made the Southern Living Chocolate Pound Cake with Chocolate Glaze. It's an easy recipe, and everything went great...

Until I moved the cake from the cooling rack to the serving dish for icing...

And dropped it.

Dammit. No cake for me.

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I've got nothing today. I'm only posting to prove I'm not dead. Yet.

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I'll be spending Valentine's Day with the person I love most.

I sure look happy to be held

(Yes, that's the cutout of me that took my place at Georgia football home games during the unusual, COVID-abbreviated 2020 season. Well, for one game of it, anyway. UGA Athletics allowed FanCutouts only for the last two season games, the second of which was ultimately canceled when Vanderbilt could no longer field a healthy team. So even at only one game — a 31-24 win over Mississippi State on November 21 — that $55 piece of corrugated plastic spent more time in Sanford Stadium in 2020 than I did. Lucky guy.)

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On February 6, I complained that my horoscope calendar was horribly wrong. I need to retract that post. It seems the calendar wasn't wrong; I was.

See, I had mistakenly turned the page to March instead of February. Both months start on a Monday, and I simply didn't realize I'd made the error until today. (Why didn't the stars warn me?)

So everything I wrote on February 6 should instead apply to March. The real February doesn't have 8 different days telling me I should be buying a house or falling in love. It actually has 10, including February 14:

Happy Valentine's Day! Wedding bells may ring for many Scales in love. Others might get engaged, It's also a favorable day to buy a house.

I love having options.

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From today's horrorscope calendar entry:

Try not to take risks when working out. You're extremely accident-prone. Also, don't speed when driving and don't lift anything that can throw out your back.

I know the stars are looking out for me, but do I really need to be warned not to speed? Isn't that what the law against speeding is for? Will next month the calendar warn me against fraud or murder? If I'm the sort of person who looked to a calendar for that sort of advice, I probably shouldn't be allowed to drive.

Frankly, I should just be satisfied that the calendar didn't tell me that I should be buying a house or falling in love today (as it does on February 7, 14, 16, 20, 21, 24, 26, and 30 — a favorable day to "meet new sweethearts with healthy bank accounts").

Speaking of reading ahead, no less a star than the eminent time traveler Emmett "Doc" Brown warns against knowing what the future holds for a reason. I mean, what am I supposed to do with the warning that awaits me on February 11?

Be careful when working out. You're extremely accident-prone today. Also, don't speed when driving to and from work. You could wind up in a fender bender.

At least I'll get to do whatever I want with my back, which means I should be free to pick up the calendar and relocate it to the trashcan. But I'm so accident prone, I might give myself a papercut in the process.

UPDATE 2021-02-12: Oops. This post should really be about March 6. See my correction post on February 12.

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The 2020 NFL playoffs: a perfect confluence of football, Covid personal protective equipment, and Star Wars.

My converter's running wild!

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Sunday, I complained that my horoscope calendar was leaning a little too heavily into love and real estate. I should have read further ahead.

January 19: "It's the best time of the year for single Scales to find love and for Librans to make family plans."

January 20: "This afternoon First Quarter Moon is the best time to buy or rent a home."

I think January 21 is the day to put a calendar in the trash can.

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Horoscope update:

January 5, 9, 10, and 14 were good days for love. On those days, I was encouraged to start dating someone — or, "if you're in a long term relationship," marry someone.

January 8, 11, and 13 were good days to buy or sell my house. Because "The New Moon in Capricorn" or something.

January 18 is a good day to "try marriage on for size" or "go house hunting."

At this rate, by the end of the year, I'll own 26 houses, one for each of my new wives. That sounds expensive. I sure hope the stars point me towards some money-making opportunities soon.

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The following is based on actual events:

My friends and I sat, talked, laughed, and otherwise enjoyed the convivial environment engendered by the rustic treehouse lounge Keith had constructed in his backyard in suburban Cumming, Georgia. Despite the good company, I knew the neighborhood had problems. I had a passed a bright red demon on the streets leading to Keith's house. Fortunately for me, it was preoccupied enjoying its meal of unwary domestic cat. Still, I felt safe up in the treehouse — until we were startled by the sudden appearance of a bright green dragon.

Keith saw my fear and laughed. "Relax. It can't get to us here. I've wrapped the whole tree in a dragon-proof net."

He spoke the truth. Although the dragon bit and bit, it was unable to chew its way through the protective wire. We soon ignored it and went back to having a good time.

When I woke up, I realized the treehouse and dragon had all been part of a very vivid dream. Amazed by how realistic it had all seemed, I decided to drive over to Keith's to tell him about it. I passed no demons on the way, and as expected, there was no treehouse in Keith's yard.

Keith met me in his driveway. You cannot be too cautious these days, so I was careful to wear a mask and stand a socially-accepted distance away from him in the cold December weather as I told him of my dream.

Keith enjoyed my story and laughed. "That's ridiculous. There's no such thing as a dragon-proof net."

Naturally, that's when the dragon swooped down upon us.

I woke up a second time and am now typing this story. But I'm still keeping one eye out. I can't shake the feeling that there's a dragon out there somewhere.

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For Christmas, my aunt gave me a Libra 2021 Calendar ("Personalized Daily Horoscope Presented by The International Astrological Alliance, a Leading Resource on Astrology and The Zodiac").

Personally, I have never seen anything to make me believe there's one all-powerful force controlling everything. But maybe that's because I've never been exposed to someone who really understood it all. Reading the back of the calendar, it says that "Libra can be possessive, smothering, insulting and sarcastic." If that wasn't written for me, I don't know what was.

Yesterday, on the first day of the year, my horoscope recommended that I should hang out with friends so that I could meet "someone who brags about every little thing." That doesn't sound like fun, but hey, maybe because I now know about it, I can avoid it, right? Thanks, horoscope.

On the other hand, today's entry reads:

Wedding bells may ring for many Librans in love. Others might get engaged. You can also meet interesting people at the wedding reception of a friend.

Um, I thought this was supposed to be personalized. Not only does that not sound like me or anyone I know, it also doesn't seem to have anything to do with 2021. Doesn't my horoscope know there's a pandemic on? "May ring"? "Might get engaged"? "Can also meet"? I've read things in cookies that were more definite and useful.

But maybe that's just one bad entry. Rather than throw it out, I've decided to hang the calendar in the most appropriate place I can think of: in my bathroom over my toilet. May the stars continue to be my guide in 2021.

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To be continued...

 

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