I was watching LEGO Masters (on Fox!) when this was shown on the screen for like, a whole 5 seconds, and I. Lost. My. Mind!

That's Captain Carrot on national broadcast television!

I can see you sitting there shaking your head. No, obviously it's not the real Captain Carrot. He lives on Earth-C-Minus with the rest of his heroic Zoo Crew. And of course, Captain Carrot is a boy. (The original Roger Rabbit, in fact!) But still. On national television!

Captain Carrot and his Amazing Zoo Crew was the first comic book that I collected. The concept was created for DC Comics in 1982 by Roy Thomas and Scott Shaw! with half an eye toward developing a Saturday morning cartoon. The cartoon never materialized, so the genius of a super hero league of funny animals remains visualized only by comics aficionados of a certain age.

I was so excited when I saw my first hero on TV but I didn't know who to tell. Who do I know who would be giddy to see Captain Carrot? We're a very niche group, and I assure you that you don't really want us at your parties. So I'm doing what those of us who were raised as the first Internet Generation do in these situations I'm blogging about my thrilling experience.

You're welcome, Internet.

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So far February has been light viewing for new-to-me movies, but I still have quite the backlog from January.

7. (1661.) The Juggler (1953)
This is the last Kirk Douglas movie I saw before he died. He plays a German who survived the Holocaust with severe mental trauma trying to hide from authorities by playing a juggling clown in a post-war Israeli settlement. I missed the start of the film and went looking for it with a Google search on "Kirk Douglas juggler." The title might have been a little too on-the-nose, but Douglas' commitment to the part was noteworthy. What a great actor.

8. (1662.) Knives Out (2019)
There's not much I can say about this murder mystery without spoiling the experience except that it is both keenly aware and deserving of its reflection of the best the mystery genre has to offer. Very enjoyable. (I'd love to see more of Daniel Craig's Detective Benoit Blanc.)

9. (1663.) Despicable Me 3 (2017)
I smiled at this movie several times but didn't laugh once until the "Spy vs Spy"-inspired end credits sequence. I admire the craftsmanship, but I think there are some fundamental problems with the all-over-the-place plotting and stock characterizations. (An '80s villain? Incompetent Millennial bureaucrats? Pig-farming millionaires? Who was the target audience for this thing?)

10. (1664.) Aurora Teagarden Mystery: A Bone to Pick (2015)
This is the first of the Aurora Teagarden series (which I am seeing last because that's how I roll!). To it's credit, it does some good world-building and lays groundwork for character relationships to come. I still don't like the main character, though. I'm still hoping she gets murdered.

11. (1665.) Making Mr. Right (1987)
Leave it to John Malkovich plays both a genius roboticist and his android in a bizarre twist on the standard romcom formula. It's simultaneously silly and charming. As a bonus, everyone in it is drinking either Dr. Brown's Cel-Ray or Coca-Cola.

12. (1666.) Farewell, My Lovely (1975)
I've seen hard-boiled detective Phillip Marlowe played by Dick Powell (Murder, My Sweet), Humphrey Bogart (The Big Sleep), Robert Montgomery (Lady in the Lake), and Elliott Gould (The Long Goodbye). This movie was Robert Mitchum's turn. I love Mitchum as a street-smart tough guy (a la Out of the Past), but I don't really buy him "deducing" the solution to this sort of convoluted mystery plots.

More to come.

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If Friday's post let you feeling a little dirty, I also got you some soap!

Spotted on Twitter.com, where someone posted a response image of shit-shaped car air fresheners.

(Seriously, the frequent association between the poo emoji and chocolate just because both of them are brown probably says everything you need to know about the modern American consumer.)

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Happy Valentine's Day! I got you some candy.

Love, American style.

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"Deer Runs Over Man" reads the headline accompanying the eye-catching video. The full story is somewhat more sinister:

Just after noon Retired detective Ken Worthy had just exited a McDonald's in the small town of Locust, North Carolina — "A City With a Soul" — when he was ambushed by a deer.

"We were walking out with our Cokes," said the victim, "and, uh, you look both ways and I... my wife caught a look. I looked literally just saw him the last second, and he collided with me. I was down."

Sure, this deer drive-by looks comical because it didn't happen to you, but don't be fooled! Any attack on Coca-Cola and McDonald's is an attack on America!

They can take our Cokes, but they can never take our freedom!

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