Oh, fuck it. Lock her up!
From Batman "Hizzoner the Penguin" (November 2, 1966) by way of BullysComics.Blogspot.com

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Today was a UGA home game. The Bulldogs played Samford in Sanford Stadium at 7:30pm. However, I wasn't there to see it. Instead, I had to spend the day on Tybee Island with Mom.

She seeks sea shells by the sea shore.

Don't get me wrong. I love Tybee. (And I love Mom.) Tybee is a charming coastal town with some fantastic scenery. (And Mom is Mom.) I'm happy to report that most of the island survived Hurricane Irma just fine, though plenty of scars from last week's storm were still visible everywhere. But it wasn't Tybee's beauty or Irma's wrath (or Mom's Momness) that brought us to the Georgia coast. No, we were here to attend friend Brian's beach wedding in the shadow of Tybee's historic lighthouse.

Mom is a big fan of former Secretary of State George Marshall

Mom rented a wonderful house at 117 Cedarwood Drive, and she, Audrey, July, and I used it as a base of operations for our weekend stay. Mom frequently visited the beach (just a few hundred yards to our north) to collect shells, each time leaving Audrey behind to rue Tybee's draconian "no pets on the beach" policy.

Bring me back a pizza!

Sadly, I somehow managed not to take any pictures of the groom or bride, Veronika. For that matter, I don't have any pictures of groomsmen friends Ken, Keith, or Michael, either. The wedding party didn't show up on the beach until after the wedding officiant warned the attendees not to take pictures because that was the wedding photographer's job. Instead, you'll just have to be satisfied with this screen grab from the lovebird's official wedding website.

You know it's true because it's on the Internet.

In fact, the only picture I have of the wedding was taken by friend James. (James was one of my few friends in attendance who wasn't actually in the wedding party. Matt was the other. Why was I not in the wedding party? I'm sure it had no small part to do with my vowing to Brian after Keith's wedding that I would never wear anything dressier than jeans to a wedding again. "Except mine?" Brian asked. "Even yours," I answered. That's what I like about Brian. He listens.) James couldn't resist disobeying the order not to take any pics, but he somehow still managed not to get the wedding party. (Reminder: "Never do what James does.")

My wedding photo

I haven't attended a lot of weddings. I don't like them. Yet I found this one left an especially bittersweet taste for many reasons, not the least of which was that Brian was the last of my single friends likely to get married. From this point forward, we're all more likely to reunite at a funeral than another wedding. That's an uncomfortable thought, though it's better than imagining the possibility that I may have to sit through yet another wedding ceremony.

Thanks to Irma, there is much less dune area to be fined in.

Good luck, Brian and Veronika. Do me a favor and be so happy together that we don't have to do this all over again, ok? Thanks.

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Look at that beautiful plastic nightmare from the Sears, Roebuck and Co. Christmas 1966 catalog:

Bat Gun and grenade?

All that good shit for under $6? I was born a decade too late!

Hmm. Accounting for inflation, six 1966 dollars are worth forty-four 2016 dollars. I wonder how much that thing would sell for today?

Those handcuffs are some housewife's idea of a really good time.

A copy of the instructions costs $9? Damn, nostalgia is expensive.

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Audrey says it has been a long few days.

Is that pillow shaped like a heart or a butt?

But now Hurricane Irma has passed and she can get back to the important things. Like napping.

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Audrey isn't used to football season yet. She still jumps when Mom yells at the tv.

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The NFL season kicks off this weekend without the Miami Dolphins. Thanks to Hurricane Irma, the Dolphins' season opener versus Tampa Bay has been postponed until November 19. That's a long time to wait to start the season.

The effect of this move is that the Dolphins, unlike the rest of the league (save the Buccaneers), will not have a mid-season bye. I'd say that was a competitive disadvantage, but since the team has already suffered season-ending injuries at quarterback, linebacker, and defensive back, I guess having a week to "get healthy" is kind of pointless.

General consensus among pundits was that the Dolphins would win no more than 8 games. Even that number now looks increasingly over-optimistic, especially considering that there will only be six games remaining after the relocated "opener."

If there's any upside to all this, it's that all Dolphins' games played prior to the week 11 "opener" must now be considered preseason games. That means they shouldn't count against the team's permanent record, right? Right?

I'd complain more, but it seems inappropriate to bitch too much about football with a category 5 hurricane on the way. Stay safe, Miami. I'll see you in November.

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