No sooner do the Dolphins trade one Ryan than they pick up another.

Quarterback Ryan Fitzgerald has been signed as the Dolphins' starting signal caller. The Dolphins will be Fitzpatrick's 8th team in his 14-year career. He'll set a record if he completes a single pass for the 'Fins in 2019. Long-term marginal competence has to count for something, and that something appears to be about $5 million, the price of Fitzpatrick's new contract. The team paid Jay Cutler twice that in 2017. He won 6 games. I guess they're expecting Fitz to manage only 3.

This will be Fitpatrick's third tour of duty in the AFC East. He's already passed through the locker rooms of both the Bills and the Jets. All totaled, he's managed a career 6-5 record against his new team. The only team in the division that hasn't hired him is the New England Patriots. He has a 2-9 record against them.

It's probably worth noting that during Fitzpatrick's entire career, the Bills, Jets, and Dolphins have had at least 13 starting quarterbacks — each — while the Patriots have had essentially one. (Technically, they've had 4. Tom Brady missed all of 2008 with a knee injury and served a 4 game suspension in 2016 because he likes saggy balls. But there was never any doubt who the team's starting quarterback was.)

Will Fitz bring his Fitzmagic to Miami in 2019? My Magic 8-ball says no. So does Vegas. Even before dumping Tannehill, sports books were down on the 'Fins. Last week, if you bet a dollar on them to win the Super Bowl, you could pocket $300. That's three times longer odds than are being given to any other team. Comparatively, the never-going-anywhere Detroit Lions are 100-1. Those were Friday's odds that the Dolphins could win their division. I'm sure the addition of Fitzpatrick isn't bringing them any closer.

Ye gods. It's going to be a long season.

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One year ago, I wrote, "Sadly, it looks like another rebuilding year is in the cards for the 'Fins." I shouldn't have acted so surprised. Ever since a real estate baron bought the team in 2008, the rebuilding never stops in Miami.

It was pretty clear that 2019 was going to be a rebuilding year when Coach Gase was fired (with cause). And then Yesterday, the Dolphins traded starting quarterback Ryan Tannehill to the Titans. Ryan was a first-round pick (8th overall) in 2012. After 6 years — though only 4½ on the field thanks to some very questionable medical decisions concerning his oft-injured knee — he's now worth something less. (The Dolphins essentially gave away Tannehill plus $5 million for a 2020 4th round pick. That feels about right. He should have been a 4th round pick in 2012.)

With Tannehill gone, there are zero quarterbacks on the roster who have played a single snap in the NFL. That's a step up from 2017, when Jay Cutler filled in.

The question now is whether the Dolphins hire a cheap free agent to fill the void or will some rookie from the draft get the call? Neither of those seem like great options. I can't say as I'm very excited about the prospect of Jacksonville wash-out Black Bortles taking snaps, and there's no phenom like Andrew Luck coming out of college this year. 'Suck for [Drew] Lock' doesn't have the same ring.

Maybe I can find something else to do on Sundays this fall.

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Movies from February (that aren't Aurora Teagarden mysteries), part 1:

21. (1460.) Young Mister Lincoln (1939)
Henry Fonda as Abraham Lincoln has its moments (most of them being Fonda's plainspoken impersonation). Unfortunately, the courtroom drama in the second half isn't very engaging.

26. (1465.) CBGB (2013)
This is also a biopic, focused on the rise of the famous club in New York City that launched the American punk scene, especially Blondie and the Ramones. I'm a fan of the music and the actors involved, so of course I liked it.

28. (1467.) Sherlock Gnomes (2018)
A worthy sequel to the underrated Gnomeo and Juliet. I solved the mystery plot easily, which means I'm probably ready to graduate to tween fare. (It's an animated kids movie featuring talking lawn gnomes, not a sequel to Gone Girl, Walter.)

29. (1468.) Young Winston (1972)
Sort of the opposite of Young Lincoln, Winston Churchill as a young man in his own words really doesn't get moving until the second half, which may also be an apt description of the man's actual career.

31. (1470.) The Accountant (2016)
I found star Ben Affleck's portrayal of autism as a super power to be the only thing that didn't work in this otherwise enjoyable action thriller. (To be clear: the concept isn't so terrible. Affleck's acting is.) The supporting cast is particularly good.

34. (1473.) Young Tom Edison (1940)
If you didn't know that the real Tom Edison died in 1931, you might think he wrote and directed this ridiculously glowing biopic of his younger days himself. What fools we all are to not recognize what a great human being Tom Edison was! That was sarcasm. I didn't care for this.

More to come.

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A Michael Jackson timeline:

1958: born
1970: releases "ABC"
1979: releases "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough"
1982: releases "Thriller"
1985: releases "We Are the World"
1987: releases "Smooth Criminal"
1991: releases "Black or White"
1993: accused of child molestation (settles out of court)
1995: releases "Scream"
2003: accused of child molestation (found not guilty)
2009: dies
2010: releases "This Is It"
2019: accused of child molestation

Accused of child molestation in three different decades? Do the Grammys offer a lifetime achievement award for that?

Can you love an artist's music if the artist was a bad person? Or do you have to believe that the person wasn't so bad because you liked his music? All I can say is that Gary Glitter's music must suck.

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I just woke up

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After surviving brain and heart surgery in recent years, Alex Trebek has announced that he has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. His life expectancy can now be measured in months.

For you, death should be a glorious event!

If Alex Trebek was really the comic book super hero I've made him into over the years, he would die. But then he would get better and continue filming Jeopardy episodes until the end of time.

Sadly, life is not a comic book.

Good luck, Alex.

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Let's get these out of the way: 8 of the Aurora Teagarden mysteries staring the irrepressible Candace Cameron-Bure as the nosy librarian slash amateur detective you love to hate!

22. (1461.) Real Murders: An Aurora Teagarden Mystery (2015)
23. (1462.) Three Bedrooms, One Corpse: An Aurora Teagarden Mystery (2016)
24. (1463.) The Julius House: An Aurora Teagarden Mystery (2016)
25. (1464.) Dead Over Heels: An Aurora Teagarden Mystery (2017)
27. (1466.) A Bundle of Trouble: An Aurora Teagarden Mystery (2017)
30. (1469.) Last Scene Alive: An Aurora Teagarden Mystery (2018)
32. (1471.) Reap What You Sew: An Aurora Teagarden Mystery (2018)
33. (1472.) Aurora Teagarden Mysteries: The Disappearing Game (2018)

Should I be counting made-for-Hallmark channel movies in my new-to-me watched movie list? Even though they are part of a series of sorts, they are self-contained stories designed to be watched in one sitting that aren't aired on a regular basis. So I think, yes, they have to count.

Which is fine. Other than the fact that they're on television, these really aren't any different in function than any number of RKO mystery movies of the 30s. They're disposable, "cozy" murder mysteries that are embarrassingly easy to solve. In other words, while they might not be must-see-cinema, they are a completely passable way to pass the time. That's entertainment!

More to come.

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The National Safety Council says that the odds of an American dying from a fall are 1 in 114. That's about twice as likely as the chance of death from a gun assault (1 in 285) but five times more common than the chance of dying while going for a walk (1 in 556). The specific odds of dying from falling down the stairs is 1 in 1,662. Yesterday morning, I nearly became a statistic.

I woke up early to take July outside to go potty before the bad weather rolled in. I didn't bother to change shoes and wore my slippers in the dewy grass. Returning to the house, I wiped her wet feet but not mine. Then we both went back downstairs to return to bed. Thanks to my slippery slippers, one of us went faster than the other.

Spoiler alert: I didn't die. But I do have an uncomfortably twisted ankle and abrasions on my elbows. And I've certainly learned a valuable lesson. From now on, the dog can go potty in the rain.

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Poo you hit with a stick.

A colorful piece of shit

I'm afraid to think what might come out.

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Scarlett will always be welcome at our house... so long as she makes an appointment first

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To be continued...

 

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