Here at the year's end, I took a look back at the five days that got the most hits over the past year.

5. June 18: Superman underwear
In which I make fun of briefs of steel.

4. December 4: Portable poo
Another in my series of not-award winning posts about the shit emoji (which celebrated its 10th anniversary in 2018, by the way).

3. August 1: Marriage is for the birds
Hawkman reveals the truth about what women think about marriage.

2. April 12: Jimmy Walker, dynamite golfer
An archive of how helpful Google was following Patrick Reed's win at the 2018 Masters.

1. September 17: Just another list of movies watched in August
Uh, a list of movie reviews. (Seriously, I don't have any idea what part of that list attracted the attention. My review of Moonlight, perhaps? No idea.)

And while we're on the subject, I should mention that the 5 most triggered keywords are:

5. movies
Everyone needs my opinion.

4. action comics
I have 155 "superman" posts, but only one "action comics". Go figure.

3. spandex
A perennial favorite!

2. georgia
It's always on my mind, too.

1. poodle strip
What can I say? My readers have good taste.

Anyway, we now wipe our hands of 2018 and look forward to 2019, the year of the future!

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: analytics movies piles of shit spandex superman wriphe.com

"One of Superman's powers," read the crossword puzzle clue.

"That's too vague," I said. "Superman has, like, every power. That's why they call him Superman." Looking up from the paper, I asked my mother, "What power do you think of when I say 'Superman'?"

She thought about this for a minute then answered, "X-ray vision."

I was surprised. "That's the first power that comes to mind? He's stronger than a locomotive, faster than a bullet, and he can leap tall buildings in a single bound. He can fly. In addition to telescopic and microscopic vision, he also has super senses of hearing, touch, and smell. He has heat vision and cold breath. His brain processes information faster than a computer. He can throw his voice with super-ventriloquism. He has such incredible control of his muscles, he can change his physical appearance at will. He can vibrate through solid objects and travel through time. He can kiss you so hard, you forget stuff. And he is never, ever wrong. Despite all that, the first power that comes to your mind when you think of Superman is his ability to see through stuff?"

Mom nodded. "Yep."

I'll be damned if that wasn't the right answer for the crossword puzzle.

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: family games mom superman walter

Superman celebrates Independence Day the same way I do: watching 1776. He just has a better seat.

That's the opening splash panel from "Die Now, Live Later" in Action Comics #463, published in the summer of 1976 with a nod to the nation's bicentennial. This might blow your mind, but this Superman comic book is not a 100% accurate depiction of the events of July 4, 1776.

See what I mean? Everyone knows that Franklin had retired from day-to-day publishing pursuits in the 1740s and had divested all ownership of the Pennsylvania Gazette by 1766!

In addition to the occupation of Old Man Franklin (who in July of 1776 was a Medicare-eligible 70 years old — two years younger than our current Chief Executive), there is one other bit of historical inaccuracy presented herein. See if you can spot it:

Both Franklin and the narration in this panel are correct. While Congress agreed on independence on July 2, the text of the declaration of that independence vote was indeed approved on the 4th. (We're really celebrating bureaucracy and paperwork today, not independence.) But that declaration wasn't signed on July 4th! The Declaration of Independence as we know it wasn't signed by John Hancock or anyone else until August 2, 1776.

Besides those tiny gaffes, I assume the rest of this comic book can be treated as a historical document suitable for elementary school classrooms. Superman himself explains how he became involved in this previously unknown bit of American history, and Superman would never lie to us.

An alien named Karb-Brak? Yeah, that sounds legit.

Happy Birthday, America!

Comments (1) | Leave a Comment | Tags: comic books history holidays independence day movies superman

A bonus Superman post! This one's my update for the Superman-Nixon meeting we saw back on June 15.

I've titled it "Irony." Top that, Roy Lichtenstein!

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: comic books politics superman trumps america

Time for one last infographic before we reach the end of Superman Month.

Credit: xkcd.com

Now you can't say you didn't learn anything!

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: superman

Comments (2) | Leave a Comment | Tags: comic strip poodle strip poodles superman

Sadly, these shorts were sold out by the time I spotted them on DHGate.com* at the bargain prices of $2.68 (with free shipping!):

*DHGate, for those of you who don't live on the Internet, is an online marketplace like Amazon.com for Chinese manufacturers seeking to unload surplus goods to resellers. This is where sweatshops sell their knockoff shoes after they've fulfilled their orders for Ivanka Trump. For example, compare these shorts with the $14.99 pair you'll find from SuperHeroStuff on Amazon.com.

And while I do want to wear Superman's shorts, I post this pic mainly because of the delightful Engrish catalog text.

CUSTUMES INSIDE TO WEAR
Give you the most suitable underwear, wear make you confidence. I
of you in the other half of the face, not inferior, to give you strength to master everything.

It takes a Superman to understand what that is trying to say.

Comments (2) | Leave a Comment | Tags: catalog grammar superman underwear

Spotted on Twitter:

This panel is about as accurate as anything else you might expect to find on the Internet, by which I mean it's not true. Nothing like this happened in a Superman comic. Not exactly like this, anyway. To see who Superman was really talking to, see "The Superman Super-Spectacular!" in Action Comics #309, 1964.

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: comic books history politics superman

According to The Hollywood Reporter, DC Comics is planning to restore their lapsed Vertigo imprint. Vertigo was prominent in the late 1990s as home to creator-owned, outside-the-mainstream, usually non-superhero storytelling. My personal favorite previous Vertigo title was Garth Ennis' Preacher, in which Jesse Custer hunts down God to make the creator atone for the suffering he has brought to humanity.

I'm particularly pleased by this announcement mainly for one reason: Mark Russell. Russell is the writer whose sharply satirical take on the most hypocritical and destructive tendencies of modern American life have made placed recent DC series Prez, The Flintstones, and The Snagglepuss Chronicles on my must-read list.

Next year, Russell looks to be starting a new Vertigo comic, Second Coming. Per the advanced solicitation description:

God sends Jesus to Earth in hopes that he will learn the family trade from Sun-Man, an all-powerful superhero, who is like the varsity quarterback son God never had. But, upon his return to Earth, Christ is appalled to discover what has become of his Gospel and vows to set the record right.

Great Caesar's Ghost! What morally perfect, solar-powered, faster-than-a-speeding-bullet, stronger-than-a-locomotive superhero could be the inspiration for Sun-Man? (Hint: it's not Batman.)

Yes. I will definitely be reading this.

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: comic books preacher superman

All-Star Superman #10

Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain, an estimated 865 less-famous Americans.... This week could have used a little more Superman.

(See also: "Superman and the Jumper" from Superman #701.)

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: comic books death news suicide superman