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Superman celebrates Independence Day the same way I do: watching 1776. He just has a better seat.

Not a dream! Not an imaginary story!

That's the opening splash panel from "Die Now, Live Later" in Action Comics #463, published in the summer of 1976 with a nod to the nation's bicentennial. This might blow your mind, but this Superman comic book is not a 100% accurate depiction of the events of July 4, 1776.

I'll run my quill pen through it!

See what I mean? Everyone knows that Franklin had retired from day-to-day publishing pursuits in the 1740s and had divested all ownership of the Pennsylvania Gazette by 1766!

In addition to the occupation of Old Man Franklin (who in July of 1776 was a Medicare-eligible 70 years old — two years younger than our current Chief Executive), there is one other bit of historical inaccuracy presented herein. See if you can spot it:

No, it's not that the room is only 3/5th full of men

Both Franklin and the narration in this panel are correct. While Congress agreed on independence on July 2, the text of the declaration of that independence vote was indeed approved on the 4th. (We're really celebrating bureaucracy and paperwork today, not independence.) But that declaration wasn't signed on July 4th! The Declaration of Independence as we know it wasn't signed by John Hancock or anyone else until August 2, 1776.

Besides those tiny gaffes, I assume the rest of this comic book can be treated as a historical document suitable for elementary school classrooms. Superman himself explains how he became involved in this previously unknown bit of American history, and Superman would never lie to us.

Everything is clear now--Karb-Brak sent me back in time...after he used his psi-machine to erase my memory of being Superman! Then he programmed me... and everyone else here... to believe I was a reporter who lived in 1776! I've been wearing my Superman costume all along--which means my colonial outfit was only a hypnotic illusion projected by the psi-machine--an illusion which vanished when I regained my memory!

An alien named Karb-Brak? Yeah, that sounds legit.

Happy Birthday, America!

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A bonus Superman post! This one's my update for the Superman-Nixon meeting we saw back on June 15.

The End is right

This was almost criminally too easy to write

I've titled it "Irony." Top that, Roy Lichtenstein!

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Time for one last infographic before we reach the end of Superman Month.

You can apply special translucent films to your windows to help keep birds/Superman from accidentally flying into them.
Credit: xkcd.com

Now you can't say you didn't learn anything!

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Fleas are also apparently indestructible

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Sadly, these shorts were sold out by the time I spotted them on DHGate.com* at the bargain prices of $2.68 (with free shipping!):

CUSTUMES INSIDE TO WEAR

*DHGate, for those of you who don't live on the Internet, is an online marketplace like Amazon.com for Chinese manufacturers seeking to unload surplus goods to resellers. This is where sweatshops sell their knockoff shoes after they've fulfilled their orders for Ivanka Trump. For example, compare these shorts with the $14.99 pair you'll find from SuperHeroStuff on Amazon.com.

And while I do want to wear Superman's shorts, I post this pic mainly because of the delightful Engrish catalog text.

CUSTUMES INSIDE TO WEAR
Give you the most suitable underwear, wear make you confidence. I
of you in the other half of the face, not inferior, to give you strength to master everything.

It takes a Superman to understand what that is trying to say.

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Spotted on Twitter:

Drunk History

This panel is about as accurate as anything else you might expect to find on the Internet, by which I mean it's not true. Nothing like this happened in a Superman comic. Not exactly like this, anyway. To see who Superman was really talking to, see "The Superman Super-Spectacular!" in Action Comics #309, 1964.

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According to The Hollywood Reporter, DC Comics is planning to restore their lapsed Vertigo imprint. Vertigo was prominent in the late 1990s as home to creator-owned, outside-the-mainstream, usually non-superhero storytelling. My personal favorite previous Vertigo title was Garth Ennis' Preacher, in which Jesse Custer hunts down God to make the creator atone for the suffering he has brought to humanity.

I'm particularly pleased by this announcement mainly for one reason: Mark Russell. Russell is the writer whose sharply satirical take on the most hypocritical and destructive tendencies of modern American life have made placed recent DC series Prez, The Flintstones, and The Snagglepuss Chronicles on my must-read list.

Next year, Russell looks to be starting a new Vertigo comic, Second Coming. Per the advanced solicitation description:

God sends Jesus to Earth in hopes that he will learn the family trade from Sun-Man, an all-powerful superhero, who is like the varsity quarterback son God never had. But, upon his return to Earth, Christ is appalled to discover what has become of his Gospel and vows to set the record right.

Great Caesar's Ghost! What morally perfect, solar-powered, faster-than-a-speeding-bullet, stronger-than-a-locomotive superhero could be the inspiration for Sun-Man? (Hint: it's not Batman.)

Yes. I will definitely be reading this.

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Fun fact: 100 pounds of confetti falls just as fast as 100 pounds of flesh
He's never wrong
All-Star Superman #10

Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain, an estimated 865 less-famous Americans.... This week could have used a little more Superman.

(See also: "Superman and the Jumper" from Superman #701.)

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This is why no one smokes anymore. Superman killed Nick O'Teen.

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For the 12th consecutive year, June is Superman Month at Wriphe.com!

For the first time in 4 years, June does not coincide with a line-wide relaunch of the DC Comics universe. (Hooray!) This year, the reboot is limited to Just Superman.

Back in April, DC celebrated the milestone 1,000th issue of Action Comics. Then they promptly fired every Superman writer and replaced them all with Brian Michael Bendis.

At least Superman seems happy about it
This seems a bit much.

If you're not familiar with that name, you probably should be. Bendis spent most of the past 2 decades reworking the Marvel Comics comic book universe into what eventually became the fertile basis for Hollywood dominance. No doubt DC is hoping Bendis can do the same for their own moribund film franchises.

Good luck, sir. Given how often DC likes to hit the reset button, you're going to need to work fast.

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To be continued...

 

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