72/2238. Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)
Complaint 1: This movie was made explicitly for fans of Indiana Jones, with all the excessive fan service and nostalgic callbacks that entails. (No surprise to see Kathleen Kennedy's name in the credits.) Complaint 2: It's too long by an hour. Other than that, it was fine, the third best Indiana Jones movie. Far better than Crystal Skull, which I just rewatched last week to find that it is even worse than I remember.

73/2239. El cochecito (1960)
The theme of this satirical Spanish movie is that the elderly and invalids are just as fucked up and deserving of respect as everyone else. It's almost cute, until you get to the shocking ending.

A man steals a wheelchair... and a Coke!

74/2240. The Crippled Masters (1979)
TCM ran this and El cochecito back to back on a theme night. In this martial arts cripple exploitation film, the theme is also that the physically handicapped can be just as deadly as normally abled martial artists. Other than the gimmick of a pair of martial artists without the use of their arms or legs, it's really pretty dull.

75/2241. Aurora Teagarden Mysteries: Something New (2023)
If you're not up to date on your behind-the-scenes of the ongoing Hallmark Channel vs Great American Media catfight, you might be surprised that the title character in these was recast and the timeline rolled backwards to her college years. (My biggest complaint is actually the recasting of Aurora's friends, but this series has always been about the supporting cast for me. I don't like Aurora herself.) But the script is still written by Teena Booth who is a consistent workhorse at delivering a very satisfying formula of mild-mannered murder mystery.

76/2242. The Goodbye Girl (1977)
Romantic comedies in the movies came of age as screwball comedies of the 1930s which transitioned to the sex comedies of the 50s. Here in the 70s, we can see the genre becoming what we now recognize as a modern example with a healthy dose of New Hollywood's unique interpretation of "realism." It's pretty good, in no small part because it knows exactly what it is and what it wants to be doing.

There were so many shots of Coca-Cola product placement, it was hard to choose just one.

77/2243. The Second Time Around (1961)
Perhaps this is best described as an adventure picture, Debbie Reynolds Goes West. But it leans heavy on broad comedy and romance (choosing between Andy Griffith at his most cornpone and Steve Forrest at his most oily). I think I'll call it an interesting artifact of its time and leave it at that.

More to come.

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66/2232. Something's Gonna Live (2009)
This documentary follows Robert Boyle and his friends reminiscing about the highs and lows of their Hollywood careers. There's a lot of grumpy-old-men complaining about how things have changed since their heydays in the 1950s through 70s (such as working for Hitchcock), but there's also a lot of open admission that the "good" old days weren't always so good (especially for minorities and the disenfranchised). A good documentary for cinephiles.

67/2233. The Dancing Detective: A Deadly Tango (2023)
Not so many years ago, Lacey Chabert was Hallmark's crossword-puzzle writing mystery solver. Now she's an undercover American agent on Interpol assignment in the ballroom of a corporate murderer. The crossword-writer was more believable. It's all very contrived, but I'll take what I can get after The Pandemic reduced the flow of new made-for-tv mystery movies to a trickle.

68/2234. Shazam! Fury of the Gods (2023)
Much has been said in reviews about the third act's bad CGI and extended Skittles product placement, but the real problem with this sequel is Shazam himself. Zachary Levi plays the Big Red Cheese like a complete moron. What can I say other than he's not MY Captain Marvel.

69/2235. Deep Valley (1947)
This movie made so little impression on me that I just had to look it up on IMDB to remind myself what it was: poor little Ida Lupino is a socially deprived mountain girl who falls for an escaped criminal good-for-nothing. Spoiler alert: It doesn't work out.

70/2236. Inside Moves (1980)
For a movie that begins with a very graphic suicide attempt, this movie about a cast of characters struggling through physical disabilities that put them on the margins of society is surprisingly uplifting. Directed by Richard Donner, there's even a running sight gag of a Superman: The Movie pinball machine inside the local hangout at the center of the film. It's all very good.

A cripple walks into a bar... and orders a Coke!

71/2237. Thief (1981)
James Caan really inhabits the role of an ex-con who gets squeezed by some very stupid, stupid men. Like most Michael Mann films, I didn't love it, but I respect it.

More to come.

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58/2224. Flaxy Martin (1949)
The title character is not the protagonist but the femme fatale, the reason the protagonist runs afoul of the law in this compilation of crime noir cliches. I watch enough of these that I must like crime noir cliches.

61/2227. I, Tonya (2017)
It's weird, getting old and seeing movies made of historical events that you remember living through. This very comedic interpretation of the scandalous events of 1994 leans heavily in Tonya Harding's favor, but even when she's on her best behavior, the movie is populated entirely by some of the worst people behaving badly, so it's hard to feel too charitable.

62/2228. 1917 (2019)
Friend James told me this was a great film, and I didn't take him seriously enough. It really is amazingly well crafted and, yes, beautiful in its depictions of the horrors of the Great War. Honestly, it's a masterpiece.

63/2229. Ellie & Abbie (& Ellie's Dead Aunt) (2020)
On the other end of the movie making spectrum is this much, much smaller fantasy coming of age film with a budget so small you'd lose it in the laundry. Sucker that I am for coming-of-age films, I still enjoyed it very much. (It's kind of nice to be reminded that as fraught as teenage hormones and relationships are, they aren't a literal war.)

64/2230. Storm Warning (1950)
Ronald Reagan is a crusading prosecutor driven to rid his town of the Ku Klux Klan! The film hints at an underlying connection between the racist Klan and the manipulative forces of industry, but that's subtle enough not to get in the way of the crime thriller. Pretty darn good.

65/2231. Don Juan (1926)
Credited as being the first movie with synchronized sound, it doesn't really capitalize on the innovation. It's mostly just another swashbuckling adventure film of its era with sword sound effects reliably clanging on cue.

More to come.

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I had a dream last night in which I was in a romantic relationship with a human woman, and it was kind of nice. Was that the point of the dream? I don't know. Do dreams have points? In any event, it made me consider whether I should look into being in a romantic relationship again.

Of course, any potential candidates would have to meet a few basic qualifications first. Obviously she'd have to like dogs, laugh at my good jokes, and at least tolerate football and video games. I'd prefer a girl better looking and smarter than I am, but I'll settle for average looks and significantly-better-than-average intelligence. Brightly-colored dyed hair is a plus.

If I found someone like that, before we went on a date, she'd have to answer the following brief questionnaire:

1. When is the right time of year to wear open-toed shoes?
2. Which of Alfred Hitchcock's movies is the best?
3. How early is too early for stores to start selling Halloween decorations in advance of Halloween?
4. Marvel or DC?
5. What's the proper response to "We don't have Coke. Is Pepsi Okay?"

If there is a woman alive who can pass those criteria, honestly, she probably deserves better than me. Live long and prosper, awesome lady!

For the record, correct answers are 1. Never; 2. My personal preference is Rope but I'll accept anything but Vertigo; 3. September 23; 4. DC; and 5. Burn the place down and salt the ashes.

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54/2220. Stray Dog (1949)
I intentionally followed my viewing of Cats with this Akira Kurosawa writen/directed police procedural, which is a much better movie. Its only real flaw is a lack of actual dogs. The true subject is the directionless state of young men in post-WWII Tokyo, hence the allegorical title.

55/2221. The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh (1979)
Unlike Strange Dogs, I bumped into this by pure happenstance. I'm glad I did. The premise of a basketball team built on astrology is inherently silly, but that's the sort of film this is, and it dives in head-first (see: Jonathan Winters as a goofball team owner and his own evil twin brother.) Like most home aquariums, it's fun but not deep.

Coca-Cola is a performance-enhancing drug

56/2222. Carle Laemmle (2019)
The descendants of Universal Studios founder Carle Laemmle who participated in this documentary would have you believe that the man was a saint. Maybe he was, but it's hard to imagine that he united his competitors and defeated the Edison Motion Picture trust without at least having a iron-rod backbone.

60/2226. Burden of Dreams (1982)
The numbering on this one is out of order because I logged it late. Oops. But also pretty fitting considering the subject. In hindsight, I now know that this documentary was the explicit basis for the very silly 2-part 2022 Documentary Now episode "Soldier of Illusion." The lengths that Werner Herzog went through to make his Amazon River movie are terrifying.

57/2223. The Apple (1980)
The Apple is, without a doubt, the single greatest movie musical ever made about Adam and Eve as rockstars in a world dominated by the recording executive devil. The makers of Cats could learn a few lessons on how to do "bonkers" right.

There's a ton of Coke in this film, very little of which is bottled.

More to come.

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24/2190. The Menu (2022)
Part thriller, part horror, all social satire, The Menu reminds me very much of absurdist French films, and that's a big plus in my book. So is this cast, especially Anya Taylor-Joy as a horror-heroine who just might survive if she can figure out and abide by the killer's rules. Lots of fun.

25/2191. Curious Caterer: Grilling Season (2023)
I think this is the second installment in this Hallmark Murders & Mysteries series, and it suffers from an early fatal flaw when a character says something that seems so randomly out-of-character, it immediately identifies him as the murderer. Oh, well. If only real-life murders were this easy to solve.

26/2192. The First Nudie Musical (1976)
Ron Howard is in exactly one shot of this weird artifact of mid-70s cinema trends. I won't say it doesn't have some good ideas and funny moments, but the whole thing could have benefited greatly from a tighter focus in direction and editing. (Seriously, directing and editing comedy is a hard job — much harder than dramas; timing is everything! — and not everyone has the talent for it.) I'm inclined to pick on the actors, but some of them are clearly playing intentionally talentless characters; the porn star auditioning for a singing role earned a hearty laugh.

Don't let the naked dancing chorus line distract you from what's really front and center: a whole box of Coke!

27/2193. The League of Gentlemen (1960)
This otherwise charming heist film is hampered by the fact that the audience is told early that all of the participants are cads, so you know the movie is never going to let them get away with a successful robbery. The ending is especially unsatisfying because of how abrupt it is. (Would anyone watch Oceans Eleven a second time if the crew was surrounded by police outside the Bellagio as the credits rolled?)

More to come.

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14/2180. The Gospel According to St. Matthew (1964)
This was another movie that TCM ran in honor of Martin Scorsese's birthday, and it's also on the list of 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die. So I watched it. It's shot like a documentary about an angry young man, but it's very loyal to its source material. The important takeaway is that the life story of Jesus is really quite shocking. The establishment hated him for preaching love, which remains a surprisingly difficult message for real humans to get behind. Very good.

15/2181. Rock Dog (2016)
Despite a stellar cast and a pretty good script, this animated film demonstrates the oft overlooked value of texture artists (and to a lesser extent, 3D modelers). The whole world "feels" distractingly shallow, as though it was made by a committee of amateurs, which is a real disappointment. In the hands of a Disney or Dreamworks (or anyone with a better eye for detail), this could have been a fantastic film.

16/2182. Within Our Gates (1920)
This silent film is essentially a contemporary rebuttal of D.W. Griffith's racist The Birth of a Nation. Unfortunately, it stars weak actors performing a weak narrative and is therefore not particularly entertaining. However, it is a very interesting historical document.

17/2183. Going Home (1971)
Jan-Michael Vincent is not a good enough actor to carry this story about a boy trying (and badly failing) to come to terms with his father's (pointless) murder of his mother, but the real question isn't so much why he was cast but why anyone would want to make this film at all.

Or, for that matter, why Coca-Cola would sponsor it.

18/2184. Marcel the Shell with Shoes On (2021)
I'm glad I watched this (bitter)sweet and unusual animated film at home, because I had access to closed captioning. I wouldn't have been able to understand *anything* if I'd seen it in a theater. I guess what I'm saying is that maybe the filmmakers should have treated this more like a foreign film and included subtitles. Cute, though.

More to come.

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I have wondered in the past what it might take to get me to stop drinking Coca-Cola.

We're getting very, very close to finding out.

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4/2170. Don't Bother to Knock (1952)
I'd previously thought Marilyn Monroe's only quality acting came in her last movie, The Misfits, but she's actually pretty good here early in her career playing a very confused young woman. That implies she had talent all along but the roles she was given or the people who asked her to play them weren't doing her any favors. Hmm. Something to chew on.

Coca-Cola! It's good for what ails you... mentally.

5/2171. St. Ives (1976)
Despite it's TV movie feel (with a cast full of character actors), I very much enjoyed Charles Bronson as a private eye. And speaking of actresses who aren't given the right roles, poor Jaqueline Bissett's character is not as deep as it needed to be, and it's quite clearly the muddled script's fault.

Coca-Cola! It's good for what ails you... physically.

6/2172. The Casino Murder Case (1935)
I was distracted from the main mystery in this whodunnit by pretentious detective Philo Vance's "romance" with the female lead. Is it sincere or a put-on? All I can say is that not every question got answered.

7/2173. Lured (1947)
Lucille Ball joins the police to track down a serial killer... but then falls for the chief suspect. I enjoyed it in large part because it kept surprising me, especially in the final act. (The killer's identity is obvious, but how he would get trapped wasn't. Fun!)

More to come.

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I've been very, very busy so far this year, so movie watching is off to a slow start. As of this moment, I've seen only eight. But at least they've been pretty good. Quality over quantity in 2023!

1/2167. See How They Run (2022)
I'd read critics deride this Agatha Christie-obsessed murder mystery film as being derivative of the style of Wes Anderson, but I considered that a plus. Add some great comedic performances by the always reliable Sam Rockwell and Saoirse Ronan, and I have to say I really loved it. An auspicious start for 2023 movies.

2/2168. All Through the Night (1942)
This movie should certainly be better known than it is. Bogart is delightful as a mobster who accidentally stumbles into a murder mystery and Nazi Fifth Columnists. The supporting cast of famous comedic actors includes Phil Silvers, Jackie Gleason, William Demarest, Edward Brophy and Frank McHugh all doing their thing. Very enjoyable.

3/2169. Last Night in Soho (2021)
Edgar Wright always integrates music into his films in interesting ways. In this case, Downtown — never one of my favorites — got irritatingly stuck in my head for days after. Otherwise, there's not a lot I can say about the plot without giving key elements away, and it's those weird, genre-blending elements that work best about this.

Product placement works best when it is used to define character exposition. Well done!

More to come.

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