Showing 1 - 10 of 20 posts found matching keyword: fashion

Tua Tagovailoa officially signed with the Dolphins on Monday, and now his number 1 jersey is the league's best selling. It's also the second best. For some reason, fans prefer the aqua away jersey over the white home jersey. I'm guessing that's because very, very few people actually watch the Dolphins when they play at home.

Dol-fans are understandably excited about the new prospect. Why shouldn't they be? He hasn't played a snap yet and he already has to be better than a dozen of the players who have actually lined up under center for the Fins since that aforementioned Marino guy, hallowed by thy name.

Amusing side note: Tua selected the number 1 because his college number, 13, has been retired by the Dolphins for Dan Marino, saints be praised. For the record, I happen to have two Marino jerseys in my closet, one home and one away.

A word of caution: this time last year, the best selling jersey belonged to Baker Mayfield. The year before that, it was Carson Wentz and before that, James Conner. Two of those three have injury issues, and the other is stuck on the perennially worst team in the NFL. In other words, Tua is joining a very questionable group whose performance has never lived up to the hype.

Which is not to say that I'm off the Tua bandwagon. I'm just advising we pump the brakes a little. The Dolphins didn't get to the bottom of the heap by being a great team. So there's still a ways to climb before they get the top of the heap. Win a Super Bowl, guys, and maybe then I'll think about buying some of your merchandise again. In all likelihood, it will be a third Dan Marino jersey, blessed be the fruit of thy loom.

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Final score: University of Louisiana at Lafayette 21, UGA 35. It wasn't that close.

ULL 21, UGA 35

Let's see, what else was memorable about the game? It was really windy. The pregame included another flyover (C-130?). By the time we took our seats, Isaiah McKenzie had already scored two touchdowns.

Hmm. Was there anything else?

Oh, right. Black jerseys. No big deal. Can we let that go now? Please?

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My grandfather insisted on wearing clothes that were out of fashion. It wasn't just that he had old clothes. Given the option, he'd buy apparel that was distinctly antiquated. I finally realized how that happens yesterday when I was looking at car tires.

So tired

See, I noticed in June that my Jeep needed new front tires. When I went to the tire store, I was told that Bridgestone, whose tires I've had on my Jeep since 2001, no longer makes my previous tire style in my size. Because money was an issue — when is money not an issue? — I got the cheapest tires I could instead. To make my old, Outlined White Letter rear tires match the new tires, they turned them around. Now the Jeep has black sidewalls on all 4 tires.

Solid black wheels on the Jeep looks terrible. But that's how it's done these days. I looked at the tires of every car I passed yesterday, and in 15 minutes of driving, I counted only seven with outlined white letters. That came out to under 10% of all the cars I passed. Every one of those cars with white letter tires was a late-model truck or Ford Explorer. Cars these days simply don't have white on their sidewalls anymore.

Tire styles have apparently changed in the past decade while I was enjoying my Bridgestone Dueler A/T tires. Apparently, OWL sidewalls are now dated. But so is my Jeep! Black sidewalls look just about as anachronistic on a 1995 Rio Grande Wrangler YJ as the wide stripe sidewalls looked on the Delorean in Back to the Future III.

And this brings us back to my grandfather's clothes. It wasn't that he was oblivious to style changes, it's just that he'd found styles that he liked and stuck with them. I'm old enough now that I can relate. For the record, I still wear calf-high white tube socks. If they're no longer fashionable, I don't want to know what is.

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October is all-pink month in the NFL. Last night, the Cleveland Browns debuted their first ever "all-brown" uniform in honor of Jim Brown. The uniforms were all brown except for the pink shoes, gloves, and accessories. Even the ref's flags were pink. Good way to ruin the moment, NFL.

The pink is the NFL's way to promote Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I'd look like a misogynist if I complained about the tackiness of the NFL spray-painting everything pink, but that's why I have a mother. When she saw the NFL's commercial promoting the campaign, she wondered aloud what kind of woman needs to watch a bunch of fat men playing ball to be reminded to have a breast exam. I couldn't have said it better myself, Mom.

Naturally, I think this over-use of pink is counterproductive. If as an average fan I am used to cheering for my team colors, how am I likely to respond to an outside source forcing a change of my team's colors? Do you think that the average person is going to be more receptive or less receptive? If the current brouhaha over the government's implication of Obamacare is any indication, I think we can know the answer to that question.

The league won't prevent players from wearing helmets that it knows are deficient at stopping concussions that lead to long-term brain injuries, but it will dress all its players in pink to remind the women to take a look for lumps. To the NFL, boobs are more important than brains.

But then again, we already knew that, didn't we.

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Also to the Batman/football crossover, Under Armour has licensed DC Comics properties to make superhero undershirts. Under Armour markets these products as their "Alter Ego" line. You may have seen the Superman t-shirts at athletic stores or sidelines. But have you seen these gloves?

Bat-Signalling for the ball

These "MEN’S UNDER ARMOUR® ALTER EGO BATMAN HIGHLIGHT FOOTBALL GLOVES" are currently sold out at underarmour.com, but are selling for up to $200 on eBay.

The market has spoken. Batman + football = awesome.

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This year the official UGA bookstore catalog reaches a new level of bizarre.

Don't kick the baby

F. Infant MVP Bodysuit
College Kids®. Cotton. Printed. Brown. Imported.
1311F NB 6, 12, 18M $25.00

Hey, if you think it's cute to dress your baby like a football, I guess that's your prerogative. (Better not fumble that ball!) But it sure puts me in mind of something else.

"Don't kick the baby!"

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The Atlanta Journal-Constitution has just reprinted an article it credited to the Fort Lauderdale Sun Sentinel that included the following sarcasm-free paragraph:

"Reminiscent of the radiant shadings of a sunset, Tangerine Tango marries the vivaciousness and adrenaline rush of red with the friendliness and warmth of yellow, to form a high-visibility, magnetic hue that emanates heat and energy."

That's a fancy, bullshit-laced way to say that "Tangerine Tango" is "orange." For the record, Pantone® 17-1463 Tangerine Tango is this color:

Also for the record, the article is a thinly plagiarized copy of the Pantone press release trumpeting their new color (dated December 8, 2011). That would be deplorable in a news report. However, it seems that the "article" that the AJC is crediting is in fact an online fashion blog by Rod Hagwood (found here). And blogs, as we all know, can steal anything they want to.

This probably says something about the quality of the reporting in the AJC, but I suspect that it's something we already knew.

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I know you people all thought I was off my rocker when I protested pink and black football uniforms (back on November 22, 2008). But if you don't make a stand against that sort of thing when it starts, you end up with this sort of fiasco:

Ahhhhhh! My eyes!

I think we can all agree that this is not what the Founding Fathers had in mind when they drew up the Bill of Rights. What the hell teams are those people supposed to be cheering for?

Those images are on page 24 and 12, respectively, in the September 2010 NFL Shop catalog. The men's Realtree® Camo Replica Jersey costs $99.99. Seriously, they think someone will buy it for a c-note. Maybe it's worth it for people who don't have time to change, rushing from their deer stands to reach the stadium in time for the 1 o'clock kickoff. But I really, really doubt it.

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This is NOT a Georgia Bulldogs helmet.During this year's annual beating courtesy of the University of Florida, the Georgia Bulldogs wore black helmets and black pants. To avoid the public humiliation of losing to Florida at the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party again (only 3 wins since 1989), we've taken to disguising ourselves as Division I-AA Grambling State University. Both the football game (final score UGA 17, UF 41) and the uniforms were unwatchable.

Please, never, ever, do that again Georgia. Ever.

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And while I'm bitching about black football jerseys, I may as well complain about black uniforms in general. (Let's just chalk it up to Bitch Inertia. "A complaint in motion tends to stay in motion.") Though I could be talking about the home uniforms of the New Orleans Saints, in this case, I'm referring to Spider-Man's black costume. Hell, let's go ahead and include every black super-hero costume. (Villains are excluded. They're supposed to be evil, remember? So Black Manta, you're excused from this conversation. Go rob a sandbank or something.)

See, once upon a time in 1973, Marvel got it in their heads to give Namor, the Sub-Mariner a black costume. Sure, it seemed innocuous enough at the time, especially since Namor didn't have much of a costume other than a green Speedo and some little wings on his ankles. However, the new costume failed the first test of superheroic costume design; namely, a good superhero costume design should identify the hero and his powers at first sight. The new costume was terribly ugly and seemed to say little more than "I, Prince Namor, King of the Sea, am ready to disco!" Not surprisingly, Namor's comic was cancelled soon afterwards. Though this swift cancellation would seem to have serve something of a mandate that the black costume was unwelcome, the damage had been done: at least one fan thought, "hey, a costume in all black would be great!"

Namor: Wearing black? Go jump in a lake.

By 1984, that poor, misguided child had grown up into a poor, misguided man, and Spider-Man was given a new costume. Replacing the famously creepy red and blue costume with a black unitard may be the greatest error in comic book history. Between issues, Spider-Man went from friendly neighborhood wall-crawler to mopey, self-indulgent anti-hero. It turns out that the black costume was really a semi-sentient alien symbiote seeking to devour Spider-Man. (I told you that black costumes were no good, Spidey. But did you listen...?) Yet the fans seemed to enjoy seeing a classic design, perhaps the most clever costume in comics history, carelessly discarded for a shapeless, colorless travesty.

Spider-Man: Good and evil.

This, of course, started a trend of new heroes dressed in all black. Soon every movie with a superhero in it featured a black costume. Batman and the X-Men cashed in their leotards for black leather. And the sickness spread. When Superman briefly "died" in 1993, we mourned his resurrection in a suit notable for it's lack of color. Gone was the traditional blue, red, and yellow. In the garishly decorated world of the 4-color funny pages, "black costume" equals "death" or worse, "cancellation." Still the fans cried for more.

Superman: Black is the new terrible.

A decade later, we should have seen it coming. Poor Superboy, once a rebel wearing a *gasp* black leather jacket (what a clever nod at the time: a super-hero who wore his tights underneath the mandated black leather!), was suddenly wearing a black t-shirt and blue jeans by 2002. Not just black, but also not even a super costume! Horrors! Is this the logical conclusion for "realism" in superhero comics? If I were to suddenly gain super powers, would I be limited to what was already hanging in my closet? (Smallville, I'm looking at you!)

Superboy: Black is for funerals.

Fortunately, there may be a happy end in sight to this terrible trend. Shortly after Superboy turned his back on spandex, he was killed in a battle with an alternate-universe Superboy. And the murderous mirror universe twin still wore his classic red, blue, and yellow tights! It's pretty hard to cheer for the "hero" when the "villain" is meeting out the cosmic justice for blatant uniform violation. I guess when the good guys wear black, the bad guys have to change with the times. (Maybe you should still be paying attention after all, Black Manta.)

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To be continued...

 

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