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Someone asked if I had drawn the Batman PSA I posted on the 2nd. No, I did not. That came straight from DC Comics.

I didn't make this, either. It come straight from the people who made The LEGO Batman Movie.

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As a self-proclaimed Dolphins' fan (is there any other kind?), I feel compelled to note the passing of Don Shula, the greatest coach in franchise (and NFL) history.

Shula was still coaching the team when I first became a fan, and I think at the time, I sort of expected him to always be the coach, at least until he no longer could. He was only the second coach in franchise history, and he did go on to coach for 26 years. There have been 11 coaches in the 25 years since he retired, which sort of tells you everything you need to know about the state of the franchise.

Not only was he a great coach, he was a damn fine actor, too.


Ace Ventura, Pet Detective (1994)

COVID-19, murder hornets, and now Don Shula? Man, 2020 continues to find new ways to suck.

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Is this a little late for April Fools Day? Yes, it is. But I just got my power back after an unexpected storm caused considerable problems for my neighborhood on Tuesday. (Out like a lamb my ass.)

Anyway, a little holiday appropriate fooling around with Weird Al.


And a YouTube link, in case you don't see the embed above.

Hmm. I have his version of Peter and the Wolf around here somewhere. Oh, there it is.

Yes, I have a football on my nightstand

Al and I go way back. I first heard In 3-D — still my favorite Al-bum — while at summer day camp at Stone Mountain Park. (Which may be why "Nature Trail To Hell" remains one of my favorite tracks.) My brother gave me "Weird Al" Yankovic, his debut album, as a present in 1985. (I suspect that Mom and/or Dad actually bought it, probably at the Turtle's on Memorial Drive.) Polka Party came to me as a 11th birthday present at Six Flags Over Georgia. (It is the only thing I remember about that party, and possibly the only good experience I associate with that park.) And I spent weekends in 1989 recording lip-syncing videos to the UHF soundtrack. (I've written about my love for UHF before.)

My brother worked for a Hollywood agent for a few years after college in the 20-aughts, and the only celebrity that he met that made me star struck about was Weird Al. Trey bumped into in line at the post office. Trey had very nice things to say about both David Duchovny and Allison Janney, but that Weird Al goes to the post office himself makes him a bigger star in my book.

Keep on being weird, Al.

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Worldwide plague? Economy in the toilet? Incompetent government infighting? Whatever, Bruce.

(Yes, I know it's not "Bruce." Don't bring me down!)

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Enough politics. It's time to dance!

Those of you who know what this is know why it's here.

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The Shadow knows what I sing in the shower. It's this:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXpWfd1BNkQ

Wind? Strobe lights? Hammerpants? Oh, early 1990s, where have you gone?

Seriously though, this is always the song I think of when I see Talyor Dayne's name come up, which isn't often enough. Tell it to my heart, indeed.

And while I'm on the subject, with apologies to The Hunt for Red October, I still consider The Shadow to be the best Alec Baldwin movie. (I like Royal Tenenbaums more, much more — it may well be my favorite movie ever — but Baldwin's only the narrator, so it doesn't really count. For similar reasons, the best Sam Elliot movie is Road House, not The Big Lebowski.)

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And here, just when I thought I'd never mention Jay Cutler on this blog again, his wife says that he sucked, quote, "harder than he's ever sucked before."

The joke writes itself.

If you can't see the joke as told by Stephen Colbert via YouTube above, try it at The Draw Play dot com.

Don't ever change, Jay.

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The 25 actors and directors nominated in their categories at tonight's Academy Awards will receive a gift bag worth a reported $100,000. That sounds like a lot, but it's really a load of crap.

Thirty percent of that total is a coupon for plastic surgery. About half are coupons for food, vacations, and self-help sessions. Most of the rest are beauty products or drugs (chocolate, cannabis-infused edibles, and absinthe). There's also a book, a bracelet, a bow tie, and a plunger. But it's not just any plunger! It's the Mister Poop Fully Functional Plunger!

But wait, that's not all! According to their press release:

"The Oscar® nominees receiving gift bags will each get a Mister Poop Toilet Plunger, and a T-Shirt emblazoned, "Crappy Products that Really Work'."

That beats their first draft: "I was nominated for an Oscar® and all I got was this lousy t-shirt promoting a shitty plunger."

The release goes on to warn us announce that the manufacturers, who paid a minimum of $4,000 just to have their products included in the gift bags, are "in talks" with retailers about shelving their products. (They do know that there is already a poo-shaped plunger on the market, don't they?)

Mister Poop Plungers and Toilet Brushes, coming soon to a 7-Eleven near you.

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The rest of everything I watched in January. (It was a good month.)

15. (1454.) Eighth Grade (2018)
I like Bo Burnham's comedy and I like coming-of-age films, so of course I enjoyed his directorial debut. It can be very, very hard to watch, but that is so much the point. Totally recommended.

16. (1455.) Holiday (1938)
Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy were certainly movie magic, but the same could also be said of Hepburn's pairings with Cary Grant. Here the two fight against a world of conformity with predictable but delightful results. I loved it.

17. (1456.) Crazy Rich Asians (2018)
What a streak I was on! The formula of the romantic comedy is set in stone because it works no matter the setting as this movie proves once again. The ending is never in doubt, and knowing that in advance can let you just enjoy the ride. Lots of fun.

18. (1457.) Torch Song Trilogy (1988)
The strength of Harvey Fierstein's three act play about a drag queen's very star-crossed love life is Fierstein himself. A good antidote to the soul-rotting commercialism lampooned (but not disowned) in Crazy Rich Asians.

19. (1458.) The Favourite (2018)
I have only two complaints about this period dramedy: terrible musical choices and a worse ending that strikes an extra sour note just before you leave the movie. Otherwise, Emma Stone in a corset: yes, please.

20. (1459.) Rappin' (1985)
Exploitation films can be hard to define, so in the future I think I'll just point people to this, the bastard child of West Side Story meets Breakin'. I promise if you watch this, it will leave an impression. Here's the trailer:

Yes, that was Ice-T. You're welcome.

More to come.

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Not so long ago I went to YouTube looking for the opening to the first season of Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, which I consider to be the greatest opening in the history of television. Cheers is second, but I really dig Buck's building orchestral march while Gil Gerard falls through a stack of vinyl records. Rock on!

It turns out that the season 1 opener (featuring Cannon's William Conrad voiceover) — which is distinctly different from the season 2 opener (featuring Quinn Martins' Hank Sims voiceover) — is kind of hard to find. I assume that's because Universal has some sort of problem with people seeing the best part of Buck Rogers for free.

My search wasn't entirely fruitless. While I was looking, I found this video which is reportedly the intro used by the movie in its original theatrical release. Like the original Battlestar Galactica, which also was released to theaters (and also created by Glen Larson), Buck Rogers debuted on the big screen in 1979. (Everyone was chasing that Star Wars money.) This James Bond-themed opening is nuts, but I have to say, Henry Silva is better looking than I remember.

Anyway. I finally found the season 1 opener on Vimeo. I expect Universal will get around to ruining that, too, eventually.

Meanwhile, Wikipedia has documented the text of all three narrations PLUS the slightly different narration used when the movie re-aired as the pilot television episode. Because the Internet, as storehouse of the sum knowledge of humanity, would be incomplete without that. Thank the maker!

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To be continued...

 

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