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I've had a lot of bad things to say about the Miami Dolphins as of late. Enough that after today's game, friend Keith sent me this text:
Dude. Stop complaining. Ya'll won for fucks sake.
Yes, we did! With the longest play from scrimmage (69-yards) to win a game with no time remaining in the fourth quarter by any NFL team since the 1970 merger. (I know that's a long qualifier, but I'll take what I can get.)
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From Late Night with Seth Meyers broadcast on September 19. Batman's dick jokes start at 2:28:
IGN.com reported that Batman's penis was removed from digital copies of Batman: Damned #1 because "because it wasn't additive to the story." Well, it added something.
For reference, here's one of several panels containing Li'l Batman after the redaction. Click to toggle the "original" version.
If Batman has been packing hardware like this, no wonder he wears a second pair of trunks over the outside of his pants.
We welcome the 13th Wriphe.com Batman and Football Month with the UGA home opener!
First things first, today's season opener was quite possibly the hottest game I've ever attended. Thermometer said 95°, but I'm positive that it was much hotter in the direct sun. Mom was particularly affected, and rather than tempt a case of heatstroke, we left halfway through the second quarter. That's by far the earliest I've ever departed the stadium. Of course, by then, UGA was up 24-0 on the helpless Austin Peay Governors, so it didn't fell like I was missing much. (Final score would be 45-0. The game was so lopsided and the heat so bad that the teams agreed to skip playing the last 5 minutes of the fourth quarter. Even the teams went home early.)
The game was notable for another reason: the debut of the offseason renovation to Sanford Stadium, complete with a new locker room, larger video monitor, and revision to the pregame ritual. Players now enter the field from the west endzone.
All that's nice, sure, but I personally found a more notable change to be that the television time-out official now holds up a large digital timer that lets fans know exactly how much longer the time out will last. That's an improvement, but given the weather conditions, it felt like I was looking at an oven timer telling me how much longer until I was done cooking.
Most of you reading this know that I spent the entire offseason debating whether I wanted to continue purchasing UGA season tickets. The school has capitalized on its SEC championship and national second-place finish by making a naked cash grab, including increasing ticket prices by 50%. With the season finally underway, I feel I need to get twice the enjoyment from my games to justify the price. Did I do that today? Yeah, I probably did. If nothing else, it was a unique experience I wouldn't have gotten on my couch.
It could be worse. It could be a commercial for ass cream.
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I have not been able to get this song out of my head for the past week. Maybe embedding it here will help.
This is why no one smokes anymore. Superman killed Nick O'Teen.
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The Traveling Wilburys.
Those of you who know why know why.
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Normally, I treat this blog like it was my own syndicated column in the vein of Lewis Grizzard or Dave Barry (not that I claim to be a fraction as entertaining as they were). My satirical, ranting essays are my attempt to squeeze some cheer from the completely unsatisfying experience of human existence.
I don't always feel that it's worth the effort. Some days, I realize that anything I could say has already been said, especially in the modern Internet era where the last thing the world needs is another self-centered yahoo cluttering the aether with his own narcissistic rambling. Who cares what I have to say?
Thankfully, Monthy Python is usually up to the task of setting me straight.
Right! There's no point to any of this, so I might as well get whatever chuckles I can out of it.
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Watch this. You'll understand.
Looking good, dog.
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Cinnamon Frosted Flakes are a real thing now. I haven't had them yet, and after watching this commercial, I can tell you I never will. We'll be right back after this message.
Did you hear that guy at the end of the commercial say that Cinnamon Frosted Flakes "tastes like victory"? Does Kellogg's know where that line comes from? Have they never seen Robert Duvall as the satiric Lt. Col. Kilgore in Apocalypse Now?
Once upon a time, art and literature employed allusions to previous works audiences would be familiar with in order to reinforce concepts. In modern America, corporations still use allusions, but they no longer expect the audience to understand them rationally. They only want to trigger an emotional connection. "Oh, yeah. I remember Apocalypse Now. I liked it. I bet I'd like Cinnamon Frosted Flakes."
Kellogg's doesn't care if the actual reference is to napalm, a weapon used to burn people to death. Nor does Dodge care if their products are pitched by Star Wars' oppressive evil Empire. Six Flags gladly names roller coasters after DC Comics serial killers.
So good luck with your new product, Kellogg's, but I still pay attention to who is trying to sell me something. Kilgore can keep his cinnamon. I'll stick with my Sugar Frosted Flakes, the cereal that Superman says is the best.
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