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If you can get past how Superman prances to save the train at the start of the trailer for the 1948 serial (Superman's first movie!), you'll hear him say that he can travel 2,000 miles in 30 seconds. That's 67 miles per second. That's fast! Not speed of light fast, but still definitely much faster than a speeding locomotive, which in the 1940s was something like 0.04 miles per second.

Trains are faster now, but so is Superman. In Superman: The World, released last week, mild-mannered Clark Kent takes a commercial flight to Metropolis from Los Angeles. Since we know that Metropolis is close to New York City, we can assume Metropolis is about 2,800 miles from Los Angeles. Google tells me a commercial flight between the two cities takes about 5.5 hours, meaning an average travel speed of 509 miles per hour, or 0.14 miles per second, more than three times faster than a speeding locomotive!

But I don't mention that because Superman now has access to jet flight. In the story, he claims to be able to "fly to Alpha Centauri and back in the time it takes to get from L.A. To Metropolis." Alpha Centauri is 2.45 light years away from Earth, meaning Superman would have to travel at an average speed of 2,531,670,000 miles per second to get there an back in 5-and-a-half hours. By comparison, the speed of light is a measly 186,282 miles per second.

Physically impossible? Maybe. But we are talking about Superman.

My point is that I think it's past time we stopped comparing Superman's speed to trains.

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'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What's in a name? That which we call a rose,
By any other word would smell as sweet.

Shakespeare wrote those lines in 1597,^[1] by which time Greenland had been called "Greenland" for 611 years,^[2] which I mention only to give perspective to the following bill introduced this week into the United States Congress,^[3] itself founded 173 years after Shakespeare died.

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119th CONGRESS
1st Session
H. R. 1161

IN THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES
February 10, 2025

Mr. [Earl L. "Buddy"] Carter of Georgia introduced the following bill; which was referred to the Committee on Foreign Affairs, and in addition to the Committee on Natural Resources, for a period to be subsequently determined by the Speaker, in each case for consideration of such provisions as fall within the jurisdiction of the committee concerned

A BILL

To authorize the President to enter into negotiations to acquire Greenland and to rename Greenland as “Red, White, and Blueland”.

Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled,

SECTION 1. Short title.

This Act may be cited as the “Red, White, and Blueland Act of 2025”.

SEC. 2. Purchase or other acquisition of Greenland.

The President is authorized to enter into negotiations with the Government of Denmark to purchase or otherwise acquire Greenland.

SEC. 3. Renaming of Greenland as “Red, White, and Blueland”.

(a) Renaming.—Greenland shall be known as “Red, White, and Blueland”.

(b) References.—Any reference in a law, map, regulation, document, paper, or other record of the United States to Greenland shall be deemed to be a reference to “Red, White, and Blueland”.

(c) Implementation.—

(1) IN GENERAL.—The Secretary of the Interior, acting through the Chairman of the Board on Geographic Names, shall oversee the implementation of the renaming described in subsection (a) with respect to each Federal document and map.

(2) REQUIREMENT.—Not later than 180 days after the date of the enactment of this section, the head of each Federal agency shall update each document and map of the Federal agency in accordance with the renaming described in subsection (a).

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I wish I could say that this bill is the dumbest thing we will see in 2025, but we all know better.^[4]

We are now living in a theater of the absurd. It's only a matter of time before someone actually makes their horse a senator.

Here's drink. I drink to thee.

^[1] Source: Romeo and Juliet, Act 2, Scene 2, lines 38-44. (You know, the balcony scene.)

^[2] "Grœnland" is the name given by tenth century Norse colonizers, but there is no record of what the previous inhabitants called it, and the current "natives" are actually newer settlers than the Vikings. At what point does the colonizer become the native? As an American who can trace my ancestry back to the American Revolution, I can only say that I don't know.

^[3] Source: www.congress.gov/bill/119th-congress/house-bill/1161/text

^[4] I mean, for one thing, a man convicted of 34 state felonies, found guilty of sexual abuse and defamation, and charged with fomenting rebellion against the federal government and stealing classified documents from the federal government has been sworn-in as president, and in just the past six weeks we've witnessed, in no particular order, the United States under his direction withdrawing from the World Health Organization; sanctioning the International Criminal Court; starting trade wars with Canada, Mexico, and Columbia; threatening Panama, Greenland, and Denmark; buying-out the contracts of an estimated 75,000 government employees without the funding to do so; ending the corruption prosecution of the mayor of New York City accused of taking bribes from Turkey; ordering the Army Corp of Engineers to fight future fires in Los Angeles by releasing water from California dams into streams that do not reach Los Angeles; blaming an airliner crash in Washington DC on handicapped people; re-renaming Mount McKinley and Fort Bragg; firing 17 Inspectors General in the Executive branch; pledging to permanently displace all Palestinians so that Gaza can be turned into "the Riviera of the Middle East"; banning Constitutionally-granted birthright citizenship; eradicating "anti-Christian bias in government" before demanding an apology from a bishop for suggesting the president show mercy to marginalized communities; ending the "weaponization of the federal government" by appointing a man with an enemies list of "conspirators" to be FBI Director, blocking all transgendered people from the military; ordering colleges to give medals to non-transgendered athletes; refusing to enforce the anti-bribery Foreign Corrupt Practices Act because its bad for business; selling meme coins; restarting Ronald Regan's Star Wars missile defense project; removing any reference to climate change from the Department of Agriculture; freezing Congress-allotted funding agencies including FEMA, USAID, EPA, CDC, NIH, CFPB, NOAA and others; axing any mention of "Diversity," "Equity," and "Inclusion" from government websites and databases (with sometimes hilarious results); ignoring election pledges to take action on inflated grocery prices; assuring Russia that Ukraine will never join NATO; replacing the board of the Kennedy Center with loyalists so that the president could be elected chair in order to stop "wokey" productions; appointing an accused statutory rapist to Attorney General, an anti-vaxxer to lead Health and Human Services, a conspiracy-theorist to lead National Intelligence, an avowed dog-killer to lead Homeland Security, an accused alcoholic to lead Defense, and the world's richest man to lead deregulation efforts in the name of "Government Efficiency"; and, of course, pardoning everyone involved in the January 6 riot. Note that I did not mention getting rid of the penny; it is well past time for the penny to go (although the president doesn't actually have the power to do that). At least he hasn't gassed any protesters again... yet. It's going to be a very long four years.

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Some movies are so important, so incredible, so... thirsty that they deserve special attention. Which is why I'm skipping ahead in my regularly scheduled reviews to cover E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial a movie featuring a Mysterious Alien Creature:

141/2150. Mac and Me (1988)

If, like me, you're only familiar with this movie from Paul Rudd's long-running gag with Conan O'Brien, here's what you need to know about this delightful movie for children:

A family of four aliens living peacefully on a planet where Coca-Cola naturally bubbles up from the ground is accidentally captured by an automated probe and returned to Earth. Frightened by the NASA scientists, the family flees, and the smallest is thrown by the downwash of a helicopter into speeding traffic, where it splatters on a car windshield. It gets better and stows away with a mother and her two sons relocating to Los Angeles where mom has a new job at Sears.

The younger, wheelchair-bound son, Eric, discovers the alien and is attacked by drills and circular saws. After being diagnosed with schiziprehnia and drugged, Eric traps the alien in an Electrolux vaccum cleaner and earns its trust via Coca-Cola and Skittles. To protect his new "friend" from the pursuing scientists, Eric puts it inside his teddy bear and takes it to meet Ronald McDonald at a culturally-diverse football dance party.

Joined by their new next-door neighbors, the brothers take the alien to the desert in search of its family who they find in an abandoned California gold mine behind a Wickes furniture billboard. The family looks dead, but Fortunately for everyone, the kids brought two cans of Coca-Cola to revive them!

The alien family, desparate for more Coke, enter a grocery story where security guards start shooting at them, killing Eric in the crossfire.

Actual Quote: "It's like what they drink on their own planet!"

I won't spoil the ending, but it involves a United States Citizenship Oath Ceremony, a pink Cadillac, and bubble gum.

It's not overstating anything to call this is a work of genius. Obviously created with the intent of promoting the rampant consumerism of the 80s — I really don't think there's a single scene without a Coke in it — it works equally well (probably better) as an ironic take-down of American Capitalism's worst excesses. I wish I could make something like this up, and I encourage you to watch it yourself, preferably with a Coke in one hand and a Big Mac in the other.

You can thank me later.

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I know that it's still Football and Batman Month, but this movie rundown has no Batman or Football content in it. Sorry about that. I'll try harder next year.

109/2118. We Met in Virtual Reality (2022)
This documentary shines such a colorful spotlight on some of the most virtuous and positive aspects of the virtual reality metaverse that it often feels like a sales pitch. If I didn't already have decades of personal experience that the reality seldom matches the brochure, I might have been swept away. Still, it *is* nice to think that someday maybe we *can* build such a utopia. (If you ask me, no place can be a paradise without Coca-Cola.)

110/2119. Hollywood Shuffle (1987)
Robert Townsend created a very funny movie about the very serious problem the American movie industry has representing Black people on film. It's very good.

111/2120. Promising Young Woman (2020)
I like a good revenge movie, and this is a great revenge movie especially because instead of terrorists or mafia, the villains are apologists for boys-will-be-boys sexual misconduct. It also helps that the cast is chock full of talented comedic actors, an unusual casting choice that really underlines the theme of a two-faced society. Recommended.

112/2121. Danger Lights (1930)
The "danger lights" in the title are railroad markers that warn engineers of obstructions on the track. In this case, the danger is a love triangle. It's not a great film, but it does have some great shots of period railroads. Consider it an historical curiosity.

113/2122. Licorice Pizza (2021)
A very episodic story of a May/December romance based on actual events in early 1970s Los Angeles, Licorice Pizza gets by largely on the freshness of its lead actors. As you must know by now, I'm a sucker for coming-of-age stories, even when the outcome of the love story seems completely unearned.

Paradise is a 1970s analog radio booth.

More to come.

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Life's been rough lately. So time for some of my favorite escapism: movies.

162. (1816.) Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)
I actually enjoyed this sequel more than the original Ant-Man, though probably only because it hews a little closer to the silliness of the Silver Age comic books that inspired it.

163. (1817.) Holiday in Spain (1960)
This movie was originally called Scent of Mystery and was designed to be smelled as much as viewed. (In the original release, scented oil was pumped into the theater air to match what you were seeing on screen.) Like the worst 3D movies, the story is secondary to the gimmick and is probably worth viewing only as a novelty. ("See if you can guess what this scene is supposed to smell like!")

164. (1818.) This Land Is Mine (1943)
A poignant WWII tale made all the more pointed by its sympathetic portrayal of the fascists and those who would choose to support them. It does a great job of illustrating the corrupting evil of collaborationism with good intentions. I wish it wasn't relevant in today's world.

165. (1819.) The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years (1988)
A documentary (with some staged scenes) featuring the heavy metal bands in the Los Angeles music scene of the late 80s. It's like a real world version of This is Spinal Tap (a connection I'm sure was intended by the filmmakers). I loved it.

166. (1820.) Battle Circus (1953)
Humphrey Bogart is the chief surgeon falling for nurse June Allyson in a US Army MASH unit during the Korean War. Its strength isn't the romance but the many great scenes showcasing the difficulties facing the unit so near the front lines. If you like Altman's film or the television show, you should see this.

More to come.

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Batman Day was this past Saturday. It should not be confused with Batman's birthday. According to the 1976 DC Comics Calendar, Bruce Wayne was born on February 19. Or April 7, depending on whether we're talking about the Earth-1 or Earth-2 version. (Don't even get me started on Earth-3.)

If you missed the date, don't blame yourself. Batman Day crawls blindly around the calendar like its namesake. In the past five years since it was created, it has never been held on the same date twice: July 23 (2014), September 15 (2018), September 17 (2016), September 23 (2017), September 26 (2015). If you can find a pattern in those dates, congratulations! You can be the super villain who crashes Batman Day 2020. You can call yourself "The Sequencer" and wear a costume covered in brilliantly colored, shiny sequins. Trust me; that's how comic book villains work.

In celebration of the "holiday," 10 cities across the globe gave promoters permission to shine the Bat-signal on their skylines despite it not being a Bat-emergency. Fans in Barcelona, Berlin, Johannesburg, London, Melbourne, Mexico City, New York, Rome, Sao Paulo, and Tokyo. That's a lot of cities for one hero to visit in a day. Batman's a billionaire, not Santa Claus.

The event advertised participation in 13 cities, but Los Angeles denied permits and Paris had an infestation of anti-government rioters (a situation that sounds more like a job for Superman). Meanwhile, Montreal's celebration was interrupted by a nutcase with a megaphone, which if you ask me, is about as Batman as it gets.

Hrm. He needs more sequins.

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There it is again! It haunts me in my dreams!

I saw this statue, "Double Ascension," everywhere back in 2007. Now I've spotted it again, this time in a movie!

6. (543.) Marathon Man (1976)
No, I'd never seen Marathon Man before. I'd heard about it, of course. The torture scenes are infamous, and rightly so. The movie stands up well. (It could have used a better ending, but I've read that scriptwriter William Goldman had the same complaint.)

There it is, the backdrop for the important scene where Roy Scheider gets stupid. The film takes place in New York City, so seeing a statue that you know sits firmly in a fountain in Los Angeles breaks the mood a little. What is it with this statue that directors keep using it to stand in for New York?

(Note that in this movie, the sculpture's top half is painted white. Is that primer, or the sculpture's raw steel? Every other picture I've ever seen of the sculpture has it all orange. Inquiring minds want to know!)

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92. (399.) Night of the Comet (1984)
Shame on me for not having seen this film earlier. Catherine Mary Stewart (better known, I suspect, as the love interest in The Last Starfighter) and Robert Beltran (beter known, I'm sure, as Chakotay from Star Trek: Voyager) fight zombies and the government in post-apocalyptic Los Angeles!

I should point out that the zombies in this film are decaying humans with an expiration date, not the supernatural, brain-eating Romero zombies that I typically find so intolerable. This movie is more sci-fi than fantasy, but it really is better classified as a horror/comedy. If you can't laugh at the end of the world, what can you laugh at?

I should also point out that the final scene of this movie takes place outside 333 Hope Street, Los Angeles. If that address sounds even vaguely familiar, it's because I have commented on it before. Here's a hint: it's big and orange and convenient for Hollywood to use as a backdrop.

Yep, once again, it's "Four Arches" by Alexander Calder in the background of a movie. I've now spotted "Four Arches" in movies filmed in the 80s, 90s, and 10s. The piece was installed in 1974, so I'm only missing two decades to complete my viewing collection. Fortunately, Wikipedia has a list for me to start working on.

While that's all very noteworthy, what motivated me to post about this movie here today is a prominent and amusing Superman reference in the movie's first 10 minutes. See for yourself:

Hot chicks who know all about Superman? Yes, please! Of course, if Superman were in this movie, the comet would never have endangered the lives of everyone on Earth. Superman may not be able to save everyone from every tornado or random shooting, but he's got these world-ending kinds of emergencies covered.

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I love game shows, especially the classics. This genre was "reality" television before Jersey had a shore. Obviously, Jeopardy! is my favorite, but I also like Password, Match Game, and Family Feud with Richard Dawson not Ray Combs, Louis Anderson, Richard Karn, or Steve Harvey. (John O'Hurley is okay.) One show I cannot stand is Wheel of Fortune.

Wheel of Fortune comes on immediately before Jeopardy!. Since I don't care to watch Entertainment Tonight, Inside Edition, or TMZ because I have the un-American attitude that celebrities are people too, this means that I get my share of watching poor Pat Sajak being subjected to a series of idiotic stutterings from contestants who have already over-taxed their brains by thinking of an adjective to describe their family during the brief interview segment. Sajak is a Real American Hero considering the amount of stupidity he has to wade through.

True example of why Wheel sucks: For the first week of May, the show is "Going Green" by moving its production from Los Angeles to Portland. (How trucking tons of energy-sucking equipment hundreds of miles up the Pacific coast encourages environmental conservation is a thought-exercise left for the viewer, apparently.) The first show of the week features three contestants who are, respectively, a recreational fire-eater, a Bigfoot enthusiast, and a girl who enjoys inhaling nail-polish remover fumes every night. During an early puzzle, the Bigfoot enthusiast spun the wheel and landed on a trip, but lost the opportunity when the letter "D" she asked for was not on the board. The paint-thinner sniffer then spun the wheel and landed on the "Jackpot," but lost the opportunity when the letter she excitedly shouted wasn't on the board, either. That letter? "D". This is not what I call entertainment.

Both Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune actively test potential contestants to see if they qualify for an appearance. I suspect that Wheel auditions only Jeopardy! losers. It seems that the ability to think is actively discouraged for Wheel contestants.

Wheel has a strictly "once-in-a-lifetime" appearance rule, preventing contestants who are actually good at the show from having a second chance at playing. On the surface, this is a good rule because, believe it or not, watching people spin a wheel once, ask for a "T", then shout a common phrase to win the puzzle is every bit as boring television as watching every contestant ask for the same letter. The side effect of this policy of eliminating the competent players is that you end up with a contestant pool filled with people whose hobbies include swallowing fire, chasing Bigfoot through the woods, and hufffing acetone; exactly the same cross-section of America that loves Wheel of Fortune.

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As tends to happen in my world, twice in the past month I noticed a large, orange abstract sculpture in the background of my popular entertainment.

84. Boiling Point (1993)
They should have called this film Room Temperature, but even that might have been stretching things. In this Dennis Hopper vehicle hijacked by Wesley Snipes, the sculpture can be seen in front of a crooked lawyer's office. The art is far more memorable than the movie.

95. The Muppets (2011)
The sculpture looks far more suitable as a background for those colorful Muppets in this movie that is as entertaining as Boiling Point is boring. Specifically, the sculpture is implied to be beside the "Richman Oil" building where the villain hangs out. Is it any coincidence that this work keeps appearing in buildings that house scumbags?

Thanks to publicartinla.com, I now know that the sculpture is an Alexander Calder original titled "Four Arches." Installed in 1974, the 4-story work still stands outside 333 Hope Street, Los Angeles, in what is now known as the Bank of American Plaza. Bank of America? That might explain the scumbag connection.

If you'd like a better view of the sculpture or the plaza, give Google Street View a try. (Isn't living in the 21st century awesome?)

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