Today is my fiftieth birthday. That's a nice, round, easy-to-add number, which is probably why I remember figuring in elementary school that I would turn 50 in the distant, future year 2025. That seemed a very long way off back then. A 50-year-old me still feels a long way off, and I guess that's just going to have to be good enough.

UPDATE: Look at this sweet stack of books that my aunt gave me! Famous Last Words: An Anthology, A Brief History of Death, Pulp Empire: The Secret History of Comic Imperialism, The Fires of Lust: Sex on the Middle Ages, But Can I Start a Sentence with "But"?: Advice from the Chicago Style Q&A, Who's a Good Dog?: And How to Be a Better Human, Canine Confidential: Why Dogs Do What They Do, and Show People: A History of the Film Star. (Don't blame her. I picked all of those titles out from a University of Chicago Press catalog. What can I say? I like to read about death, comic books, sex, grammar, dogs, and movies, maybe even in that order.)

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118/2429. The Losers (2010)
Sure, it's a big, dumb action movie, but it's a big, dumb action movie based on a DC comic book, and the influence shows maybe a little too much. Actually, it puts me in mind of some video games I've played in the past decade. "Pop Will Eat Itself," said the band in the 1980s, and it remains a true statement. Meh.

119/2430. From Darkness to Light (2024)
This is a so-so documentary with little insight into its subjects, but that's okay because the whole thing is really an excuse to rescue large parts of Jerry Lewis's legendary long-lost The Day The Clown Cried for curious cinephiles who seem reluctant to accept that it was just a bad film that became an unfortunate casualty of wrongheaded (and possibly malicious) decisions in the movie business. As a bit of a movie nut, I loved it.

120/2431. Dear Santa (2024)
Speaking of wrongheaded decisions in the movie business, Jack Black stars as a demon pretending to be Santa Claus. The core of the film is what you might expect from a 90s black comedy aimed at mallrat teens over Christmas break, but it is badly underbaked. Looking at the dates of release and production, it seems to me that Paramount just gave up on this without trying to make it good and dumped its barely cobbled-together carcass into the wasteland of back-catalog streaming services filler. Too bad. There's a lot of talent involved, and with the right script doctor and editor (and more money than Paramount obviously wanted to spend), maybe this could have become a cult classic.

121/2432. Uptown Saturday Night (1974)
Speaking of cult classics, Sidney Poitier and Bill Cosby hunt down a lottery ticket unwittingly stolen by gangsters in a blaxploitation film which was not particularly interested in exploitation. It's not great cinema, but it's not trying to be. It just wants to be a good excuse to see something lighthearted at the movies with friends, and on that level, it works.

Truth in Advertising Disclaimer: The setting in this screencap is neither uptown, Saturday, nor night.

And that's a wrap on movies watched in 2024. If you're keeping score at home, 121 is the fewest new-to-me movies I've seen in a year since 2016. I'm not entirely sure why the number is so low, but I did have a bit of a hard time with depression this year and watched far more familiar-to-me movies than usual, so that certainly cut into my movie watching time. The complete lack of must-see cinema in theaters couldn't have helped. Better luck next year, Hollywood!

More to come.

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If you aren't familiar, American Hunter is an National Rifle Association publication promoting hunting in America. Usually, it has a deer on the cover. Which is why I found the latest cover model so surprising.

That's right, a magazine that exists to explicitly promote gun use has a cover image of a man who has just been shot with a gun.

Are they trolling? If this was on the Internet, I would assume it was a troll, an intentionally provocative image designed to "pown the libtards." Except that this magazine is distributed not to the general public of potential snowflakes but to card-carrying NRA members (like my father, which is how I ended up with a copy).

This is the same thing as Home Depot having a sales catalog with a cover showcasing Paul Pelosi after getting hit in the head with a hammer or the ASPCA soliciting donations with a brochure highlighting a child mauled by a pit bull. Misguided at best, counterproductive at worst.

It's gotta be a troll, right?

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Spoiler warning: I like movies.

58. (1497.) Trafic (1971)
While not as charming as Tati's earlier works — a result of fewer characters and the more anonymous "modern" setting — his commentary on the transportation industry of the early 70s has plenty of well-earned chuckles.

60. (1499.) Happy Death Day (2017)
The only genre of horror film that I enjoy is the old-fashioned, gore-filled slasher flick, especially ones where the hero gets in the last licks. Happy Death Day delivers all that plus some great character development and romance (with an overt nod and wink to the classic Groundhog Day). It figures that it was written by an established comic book author. It's a lot of fun.

61. (1500.) The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
I remember reviewers panning this film for being a shallow example of style over substance. That's true. But there's plenty of room in the market for stylish spy movies in the mold of the Sean Connery James Bond films of the 60s. (Not coincidentally, Ian Fleming played a role in the creation of the original U.N.C.L.E. television series.) I liked it.

62. (1501.) It Started with a Kiss (1959)
The highlight of this silly romantic comedy is the prominence of the Lincoln Futura, the concept car that Chuck Barris would repaint into the 1966 Batmobile. Awesome to see it rolling through Europe.

63. (1502.) Sing (2016)
I thought this movie would be a crass exercise in corporate synergy, Universal using its movie arm to promote its music catalog... and I was right. It's okay, but ultimately hollow and unsatisfying bit of pop music fluff (especially because most songs are limited to short snippets).

66. (1505.) Lady Street Fighter (1981)
I watched this whole thing, and I can't tell you what it was all about. I can say that the title is very literal: some woman with a bad accent got into a lot of fights on streets. So bad it's good. Man, I love TCM Underground.

More to come.

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Sadly, these shorts were sold out by the time I spotted them on DHGate.com* at the bargain prices of $2.68 (with free shipping!):

*DHGate, for those of you who don't live on the Internet, is an online marketplace like Amazon.com for Chinese manufacturers seeking to unload surplus goods to resellers. This is where sweatshops sell their knockoff shoes after they've fulfilled their orders for Ivanka Trump. For example, compare these shorts with the $14.99 pair you'll find from SuperHeroStuff on Amazon.com.

And while I do want to wear Superman's shorts, I post this pic mainly because of the delightful Engrish catalog text.

CUSTUMES INSIDE TO WEAR
Give you the most suitable underwear, wear make you confidence. I
of you in the other half of the face, not inferior, to give you strength to master everything.

It takes a Superman to understand what that is trying to say.

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Sex sells everything. Including Jeep replacement parts.

Disclaimer: you cannot order those legs from this catalog.

In fact, this cover doesn't fill me with confidence about anything in this catalog. It's all fake. You can tell from the shadows that the Jeep and the landscape are two separate images that were edited together. Given the weird way the sun is hitting that dog, it must have been cropped in from a third source. And that totally unnecessary lens flare is straight-up a Photoshop filter (Render > Lens Flare > 50-300mm Zoom).

The inside is a little more honest. It's mostly replacement top hardware, electrical wiring, and light bars. Though there is a $29.99 "Cabana Multi Stripe Beach Towel with Jeep® Logo" on page 286 that probably just exists as an excuse to put a model in a bikini. Seems legit to me.

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Look at that beautiful plastic nightmare from the Sears, Roebuck and Co. Christmas 1966 catalog:

All that good shit for under $6? I was born a decade too late!

Hmm. Accounting for inflation, six 1966 dollars are worth forty-four 2016 dollars. I wonder how much that thing would sell for today?

A copy of the instructions costs $9? Damn, nostalgia is expensive.

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For the past month, it's been Guardians of the Galaxy this and Wonder Woman that. For a bit of a reality check, please recall that this is what super hero movies looked like 50 years ago:

from the 1967 JC Penney Christmas catalog

Ah, the good old days. When super heroes were just for white males and even officially licensed products looked like Chinese knock-offs! 'Merica!

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I'm sorry I didn't mention this sooner, but Myrna Loy is the Star of the Month at TCM.

I didn't discover Loy until I watched The Thin Man much too late in life. (After years of hearing people say "Have you see The Thin Man," I finally took the hint.) Loy's screen presence matches a keen, playful mind and a knowing, beautiful face, often with more than a small pinch of wry cynicism. I simply love her.

(According to my notes, I've watched 21 Loy movies in the past 4 years. That's a small fraction of her catalog. IMDB.com credits her with 131 movie roles in all. I've got some watching to do!)

Sadly, this warning comes too late for you to check out the terrible Mask of Fu Manchu or the underrated Whipsaw, but there's still plenty of Loy to come. All six Thin Man movies will be showing on December 23. There are much worse ways to spend a Friday.

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"Authorities in Arkansas have arrested three men from Georgia in connection with a disturbing video involving a deer being beaten with a textbook."

That's the opening line of a news story Fox 5 Atlanta ran three weeks ago. I, too, find this video disturbing. I hate to see a good book ruined.

As the story goes, four young men — three of whom hailed from Carroll and Douglas counties here in Georgia — hit a deer with their car. Deciding to keep the deer as though they had shot it, they loaded it into their car. That was their first mistake.

Deer are not our friends. Deer are the Enemy. They destroy our crops and suicide bomb our cars. The last thing you want to do to a deer is give it a free ride.

After playing 'possum to get into the car, this duplicitous deer returned to life when its rescuers' backs were turned. It probably would have succeeded in stabbing the humans to death in their own car if not for the quick-thinking action of one of the young men, a native of Villa Rica, Georgia. This hero fought back with the only advantage mankind has over the dastardly deer: knowledge. He repeatedly hit the deer in the face with a college textbook.

At last we learn why textbooks cost so much. Not only are they full of boring trivia, in a pinch, they can also beat off wild animals. If I'd known that while attending college, I might have spent my student loans on books instead of pizza.

Eventually the deer was subdued and left in a ditch on the side of the road. The men, who filmed the encounter and put it on Facebook, are being charged with "wasting wildlife." That's a fancy name for littering.

While these four men should have known better, it's not too late for you to learn a couple of lessons from their misadventure. One, never pick up a hitchhiking deer, even if it's playing dead. And two, carry a textbook with you at all times. I recommend Art Through the Ages, but you can use whatever you like. Deer can't read.

I don't believe you.

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