Here at the year's end, I took a look back at the five days that got the most hits over the past year.

5. June 18: Superman underwear
In which I make fun of briefs of steel.

4. December 4: Portable poo
Another in my series of not-award winning posts about the shit emoji (which celebrated its 10th anniversary in 2018, by the way).

3. August 1: Marriage is for the birds
Hawkman reveals the truth about what women think about marriage.

2. April 12: Jimmy Walker, dynamite golfer
An archive of how helpful Google was following Patrick Reed's win at the 2018 Masters.

1. September 17: Just another list of movies watched in August
Uh, a list of movie reviews. (Seriously, I don't have any idea what part of that list attracted the attention. My review of Moonlight, perhaps? No idea.)

And while we're on the subject, I should mention that the 5 most triggered keywords are:

5. movies
Everyone needs my opinion.

4. action comics
I have 155 "superman" posts, but only one "action comics". Go figure.

3. spandex
A perennial favorite!

2. georgia
It's always on my mind, too.

1. poodle strip
What can I say? My readers have good taste.

Anyway, we now wipe our hands of 2018 and look forward to 2019, the year of the future!

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Excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable....

These were found in the CVS Christmas aisle, the place you go for gifts that say "I never loved you."

And if a little poo in your shoe isn't enough for you this holiday, try some scat for your hat.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

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It's portable! Take one everywhere: the office, the park, on the airplane, in your bedroom.... The possibilities are endless.

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Treat?

Or Trick?

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I must be earning a reputation. I now have friends sending me pics of poo whenever they're spotted in the wild.

Thank you, Brian. If anything ever deserved to be on clearance at Wal-Mart, it's a toy based on everyone's favorite Caddyshack scene.

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Found in the lobby of my local grocery store:

This crappy machine is, in fact, in the same grocery store as before. I'm starting to think I shouldn't shop there anymore.

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Looks like someone left a little shit in the aisle.

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Finally, the opposite of rose colored glasses!

I'm starting to fear where I'll find Happy Poo next. Electric toothbrushes? Happy Meal® toys? Sex dolls? I'm sure it'll be worse than I could guess.

One thing's for sure: I'm going to need a new blog tag for all this crap.

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What's wrong with 2018 America? Exhibit Number 2:

AMERICA. JUST. SAY. NO.

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It's a lollipop. You put it in your mouth. Eat shit, America!

Footnote: while investigating this "candy," I discovered that its manufacturer, Flix Candy, also makes a wind-up pile of shit. "Wind him up and watch him walk and poop candy!" they say. I think I'll pass.

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