Showing 1 - 10 of 13 posts found matching keyword: easter

Those are all the places Google says I've been in the past month. I also actually accompanied Mom to the vet, which is on that yellow line on the far right side of the image, but I forgot to take my phone with me that time. (You don't know *everything*, Google!)

I don't really mind the shelter-in-place stuff so much. I like being alone. But the stress of being broke while constantly facing down the specter of the death of my family and friends... that's not so fun.

If you're one of the many, many people I've snapped at in recent days, know that it wasn't about you but me. I'm keenly aware that I'm not easy to get along with at the best of times, and lately, I've been an absolute asshat. Sorry about that.

May this Easter holiday signal a rebirth of hope: hope that I'll regain my sanity before summer — or the grim reaper — arrives.

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So, when I took down my Santa Claus decoration for Christmas, I left two anchoring poles embedded in the front yard. Rather than let me pull them out, Mother insisted that I create more decorations for other holidays.

Turns out, I've got nothing else to do.

Introducing my Easter Bunny:

Easter Bites Back

Here's another beside the front door for better scale.

The great American chocolate bar.

I'm already working on the next piece. (I had to brave a trip to Michael's, where only 10 customers are allowed inside at a time, to pick up some blue paint.) I'll show it off when I get closer to July.

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Now Thomas, one of the twelve, called the Twin, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord." But he said to them, "Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe."

Eight days later, his disciples were inside again, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you." Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side. Do not disbelieve, but believe." Thomas answered him, "Hey, wait. This is just makeup." Jesus said to him, "April Fools!"

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Nothing says 'resurrection' like chocolate rabbits!

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Feast-er your eyes on this vintage Coca-Cola advertisement from 1958:

Every religious holy day goes better with Coke

I learned from Alice in Wonderland not to trust any grinning white rabbits.

But I'd still drink his Coke.

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After months of taunting the Red Bee and his one trick, he's finally proved that it's a pretty darn effective one trick. At least when dealing with children.

I suggest you shut your mouth

At the annual White House Easter Egg Roll this past weekend, the President was interrupted when a single bee buzzed the crowd of children. (He was reading Where the Wild Things Are. Oh, the irony!)

I'm sorry, Red Bee. You've been right all along. Nothing is more frightening than a lone bee. I don't know if it will stop crime, but it will certainly ruin a picnic.

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Easter is all about a man who came back from the dead, so naturally we must be talking about Superman. That description applies doubly to the statue now sitting beside my television.

This Superman broke his chains and his ankles

It was a gift from a friend. He had ordered it for himself from eBay, but when it arrived in a shoebox of broken parts, I got an unexpected gift. Years ago he gave me a cracked copy of the Jan & Dean Meet Batman record album. "Give it to Walter; he'll glue anything!" (This is probably why I can't have nice things.)

Fortunately for Superman, I could rebuild him. I had the technology. Don't tell Steve Austin, but a new tube of 2-part epoxy costs considerably less than 6 million dollars. After a week of wire, tape, glue, and touch-up paint, Superman may not be good as new, but he's much better than he was.

Now if you'll excuse me, I think I hear some peanut-butter filled chocolate eggs calling my name.

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No. Just no.

'cute' is dead to me

This is a fine example of why people don't like new traditions. The last thing my Easter needs is something that looks like it tastes like ass.

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A tisket, a tasket, a poodle with a basket.

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True story: on Easter Sunday, I was awoken by my mother who excitedly notified me that I had been visited by the Easter Bunny. On the counter in my kitchen was a 1.69 oz bag of M&Ms and a purple plastic egg. "Open it," exclaimed my mom while pointing to the egg. So I did. Inside I found... nothing. The egg was entirely empty. "Why," I asked my mother, "did you wake me up to have me open an egg with nothing in it?" Replied my mother with a frown, "I was going to give you cash, but I ran out of money."

It's like an O. Henry story without the irony. And now you can probably imagine what my Christmases are like.

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To be continued...