Showing 1 - 7 of 7 posts found matching keyword: superboy

Last night in bed, Victoria decided to get my attention by poking me in the left eye. It worked.

Let's play kick the Superdog with Superboy!

Boy, howdy, that was (and remains) painful! I'm sure there's a lesson in this somewhere, but I just can't see it right now. Tonight I'll be sleeping in safety glasses.

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Superboy blows

Even Superboy hates Daylight Savings Time.

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Quick, name the three most important people that you can think of!

A telephone connected to a lamp? That's super!

I'm going to bet that your list didn't include "Police Chief Parker of Smallville." Who would have guessed that Superboy's motto was "think globally, act locally"? What could the chief of police need Clark for so desperately, anyway?

Pulling a boner sure makes you sweaty!

Oh. Never mind. Pulling boners always leaves me in a fog, too.

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If you could travel through space and time at will, and you needed to dispose of something so no one could ever use it again, where would you put it?

It's always in the last place you look.

Never send boys and girls to do a Superboy's job! Not only does the Legion of Super-Heroes decide not to actually destroy the six dangerous containers, they choose to take them 500 years into the past, giving determined evildoers 500 extra years to find them! It doesn't take a Brainiac 5 to realize that's a bad idea.

For the record, lest you were worried, Superboy easily tracks down the containers and eventually destroys their contents -- components for a humanoid robot that can turn good things evil and evil things good -- with a quick blast of heat vision. And thus Superboy saves the future. Again.

This was hardly the only time that the Legion had a terrible solution to a pretty simple problem. But what can you expect from a bunch of teenagers raised in a future with role models like this guy:

Why don't they just put out a sign that says Villains R Us?

Sheesh.

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Let's learn cause and effect with Superboy in "The Cigar that Killed Superboy!"

Your Voice of Wisdom says Smoke Kent

Ever hear of carcinoma, Superboy? As Pa Kent learned the hard way, lung cancer is the most common cancer-related death in America. Remember kids, "super-convenience" may seem swell, but you'll feel far less guilty if you make your parents get their own matches! Better luck with your next set of parents, Kal-El!

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Headlines across the internet are screaming about a chimpanzee named Travis that went bananas and mauled a family friend. I first noticed the story when I flipped past MSNBC, which had apparently had enough of reporting the terrible news from Wall Street ("DOW in Bottomless Free Fall!" "Automakers Beg for $20 Billion More!" "New Investment Scammer Revealed!") today and turned to an in-depth investigation of the case of the crazy chimp.

Travis was apparently treated like a member of the family for over a decade, even joining the family at the dinner table. (Which makes the owner's reported screams of "Just shoot him!" make me wonder how she treats her real children.) Every incident report about the situation includes something similar to "he appeared in advertisements for Coca-Cola." I'm sure that the suits at Coke never considered their association with a sociopathic chimp when they were casting for the part of star Coke-swilling monkey: "Kill Humans! Drink Coke! Ahhhhhh!"

Now, I'm no fan of the primate. ("They're like little, furry people," supporters say, and that's exactly why I hate them.) But, I don't really think this is that big a story, people. It just seems to me like we're looking for something other than the now-commonplace bad economic news. So we've turned to "Monkey Mauls Man" as escapist fantasy.

I mean, who didn't see this coming? Animals snap all the time. (If it were a human, we'd say they "went postal" or whatever phrase is en vogue these days.) We've all seen Planet of the Apes, Monkey Shines, and The Wizard of Oz. We've all read The Monkey's Paw, The Jungle Book, and Curious George. We're all familiar with >shudder< Gleek.

Why, Beppo, why?

They may seem friendly, start out as "helpers," but soon they're going through the garbage, cooking methamphetamine over your stove, and beating the hell out of your loved ones. Monkeys are bad news. Always have been, always will be. Stay away, people, stay away. Let global warming do it's job.

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Today I wore a Fantastic Four logo t-shirt with my Superboy leather jacket, and the sales staff at Best Buy, EB Games, and Kroger all gave me grief about wearing Marvel and DC trademarks together. I was impressed by the knowledge that these people had about comic book publishers and copyrights. Though they were admittedly all much, much younger than I am, each property had a movie in the past 2 years, so I shouldn't be too surprised, I suppose. In any event, long live comic books!

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a leather jacket!

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To be continued...

 

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