I know that I'm a bit prudish, but I really, really don't want to associate Liquid-Plumr with a double-penetrating ménage à trois. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against group sex. I just don't want Liquid-Plumr involved in any of my sexual acts. My turn-offs include hair clogs and chemical burns.

If I'm a prude, what does that make One Million Moms? OMM is the same group that opposed Ellen DeGeneres being spokesman for JC Penny and decried DC Comics' recent homosexualizing of Green Lantern. The group also opposes this 2012 commercial, stating "the new Liquid-Plumr ad is offensive and completely inappropriate for television."

Inappropriate for television? I'm not sure I'd go that far. Television is a pretty vapid wasteland of sex and violence. But I would agree that it is probably inappropriate to sell a drain cleaner as the sexy option in the household poisons aisle.

What's next? Vibrating bottles? Phallic-shaped pipe cleaners? This is one sticky situation that practically cries out for a slippery slope argument. Though I guess that's the point the commercial was trying to make, too.

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The following are the rest of the movies I watched in May.

127. Drive Angry (2011)
This movie was a surprise. I chose to watch it because my brother made a joke about Nic Cage and I set out to demonstrate that everything they say about Cage's acting is true. You can say this about the guy: he leaves it all on the screen. Years from now, this film will be used in college classes to demonstrate that Nic Cage is to cinema as Velveeta is to cheese. That said, I loved this film. From a storytelling standpoint, it does so much right that it's easy to forgive its forced Tarantino-esque dialogue and cliched characterization. This is the film that Robert Rodriguez keeps trying -- and failing -- to make.

128. Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star (2011)
As Trey said, "there is no point while watching this movie that you think, 'this is a good movie.'" But it's not trying to be a good movie. It's a bad movie that's got some good jokes that blindside you for big laughs. After watching this, I happened to watch the first 15 minutes of the 2012 AVN Awards on Showtime, where the porn stars being interviewed on the red carpet made awkward and clueless Bucky Larson look like an Oxford professor. Oh my.

129. Kung Fu Panda 2 (2011)
Just like its predecessor, I wanted to dislike this flashy Dreamworks Disney-esque kung-fu cliche, but it's too cute to hold a grudge against.

130. The Ladykillers (1955)
I saw the Coen brothers remake years ago without realizing at the time it was a remake. (I know. I'm clueless.) The remake is good; the original is better, simultaneously funny and suspenseful without ever overplaying its hand.

131. The Kennel Murder Case (1933)
Trey, this is a film in which the death of a dog does not ruin the film. Don't worry: the guy who dies in this whodunit is the one who killed the dog. He got his comeuppance! Suave and comedic, sleuth William Powell may be among my new favorite actors.

132. The Most Dangerous Game (1932)
Watched because I had read the story and seen many variations (*cough* Ice-T is Surviving the Game! *cough*), this film stand up very, very well 80-years after it was made.

133. Ride the High Country (1962)
This is another one of those movies that I appreciate more as time passes. I was dissatisfied with what I felt was a meandering story (and some really cheap sets and action-blocking) by mid-way through this Western, but in the end, they are relevant to the outcome and message of the film. Recommended.

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PETA has announced that they plan to launch a pornographic website to attract attention to their anti-human agenda. According to an interview with the Huffington Post, "it will have enough adult content to qualify for the XXX domain site but also some other graphic images of animals that viewers may not expect to see." So get ready, PETA will be launching a website combining pictures of tits and ass and slaughtered lamb. I'm already turned on.

I'm not entirely sure that PETA understands the concept of eroticism. When people want to see some skin to get their rocks off, those who aren't Germans Nazis are not looking for slaughterhouse pictures. But PETA will soon fix that, as they build their site that conditions the impressionable among us to equate sex and ultra-violence, reverse-Clockwork Orange style.

This idea of mixing two concepts to send completely the wrong message is nothing new to PETA. You may recall that a few years ago, PETA launched a "sea kitten" campaign to equate eating fish with eating kittens. I hadn't thought about it before then, but since I like eating fish, maybe I would like eating kittens. I've killed far more kittens since PETA started their campaign than I did before it, and I think PETA's powerful advertising message deserves full credit.

This takes treating women like meat to a whole new level. Breasts, ribs, loins, shanks; looking at pictures like those sure will make my mouth water. I can't wait to stick my dick in the next Whopper I buy. Who needs KY Jelly when they've got ketchup?

I have to say that I'm impressed. As the latest in a series of spectacularly questionable PR campaigns, PETA has certainly outdone themselves. From dousing people wearing furs with blood to marrying eroticism and murder. You've come a long way, baby.

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Wait, so that's what fun tastes like?

This giant display of Fun Pops® was found beside the health food in my local Kroger's grocery store. Because in America, plastic bags of sugar water and dye are health food.

Aren't these kids a little young to be having Fun Pops®? That boy looks way too excited about getting his mouth on that stick. And that little girl sure looks pleased to be holding that Fun Pop®. I'm sure that Burger King wishes that it had thought of this product's packaging for it's Kids Meals.

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True story: a man has died in a one-car accident in New Orleans. The man's name was Lance Williams, and he was found dead in the Desire neighborhood of New Orleans after his car left the road and struck a rigid utility pole. According to investigators, speed was an issue.

Punchline: Mr. Williams was known to drive one-handed; he had a police record as a serial masturbator. He had been arrested multiple times for public indecency, his latest as recently as March 23. Reportedly, he liked to drive up to women and pleasure himself from the driver's seat of his car.

If the New Orleans Times-Picayune hadn't run this story last Monday, I would have sworn that it was an April Fool's joke. Though the facts in this case are pretty hard to swallow, to have made jokes about this man's death would have been in bad taste. Let this be a lesson, kids: keep your eyes on the road and your hands off the stick shift, or you might find you've made a big mess of yourself.

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In the American English language, "pussy" is a charged word that can be uttered innocently, but if you yell it in a room almost everyone will assume you mean it as vulgar slang. In that regard it's like "beaver," also a cute and furry little animal turned profane synonym. Come to think of it, women are also often called "chicks" or "rabbits," which sort of make me wonder why other cute, furry animals like squirrels and raccoons don't get similar treatment.

A quick internet search on the word "pussy" -- don't try this at home -- revealed that the English word has been used as a diminutive form of "puss," as in "cat," for more than 400 years. For most of that time, the word has also been clearly used to refer to women as a term of endearment; the word apparently didn't assume its profane meaning that won't pass network television censors until the late 19th century. There is no consensus among etymologists what triggered this change, but it has been suggested that this was due to an infusion of Old Norse or Old Germanic languages. It seems that "pusse" is Low German for "vulva." (Something else to blame on the Germans!)

This wealth of meaning has caused "pussy" to become the base for several other words of widely diverse meaning over the years. Certainly the self-redundant "pussycat" (ca. 1805) is an obvious example. But so, too, the feline-inspired "pussywillow" (ca. 1869, because cats are soft) and "pussyfoot" (ca. 1903, because cats are stealthy). On the other hand "Pussy-whipped" (ca. 1956) is clearly derived from the profane definition. I don't suspect that anyone ever wanted to whip a cat. Women, of course, are a different story.

This entire train of thought was generated over a pleasant dinner at Olive Garden when my mother informed me that she found it acceptable to use the word "pussy-whipped" despite its etymology. I suspect that this is only because the time she was busy defending ridiculing my need to rush home and tend to my poodles, a situation that caused her to label me as "poodle-whipped." That label is fine by me: I'm sure that I enjoy my cute, furry animals at home as much as the next guy.

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Pee-wee Herman is making a comeback with a new HBO special. The last time Pee-Wee had an HBO special was 1981, and it led to Pee-wee's Big Adventure -- the first DVD I ever bought -- and eventually to Pee-wee's Playhouse. I note this because a recent article about this event in my local newspaper omits the fact that Pee-wee Herman has been a Pee-wee hermit since 1991 because of an arrest for public indecency.

I didn't have a blog in 1991, but if I did, I know I would have made fun of Pee-wee's plight. He was arrested for masturbating in an adult theater, a one-time blight on society since virtually eradicated by the internet. That negative exposure led to the regrettable but probably necessary end of his children's television show. It was an unfortunate climax to his career.

I always enjoyed the antics of Pee-wee Herman, and I'm excited for a new round of Pee-Wee Herman madness, or as I will from here out call it, the second coming of Pee-Wee Herman.

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Sign found at Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport:

What a polite display of Southern manners. No damn Yankee city would have posted a such a warning.

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Secondly, Wally, it's inappropriate to talk about your sex life in front of the Star-Spangled Avenger. Unless, of course, this is your way of inviting him into a threesome. The panel above is taken from 1981's Captain America #262, in which Captain America attends the filming of Captain America -- the Motion Picture, and learns that Hollywood is chock full of anarchists and fascists living deviant lifestyles and working together to destroy America through television. Art imitates life, indeed.

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