Sex sells everything. Including Jeep replacement parts.

Disclaimer: you cannot order those legs from this catalog.

In fact, this cover doesn't fill me with confidence about anything in this catalog. It's all fake. You can tell from the shadows that the Jeep and the landscape are two separate images that were edited together. Given the weird way the sun is hitting that dog, it must have been cropped in from a third source. And that totally unnecessary lens flare is straight-up a Photoshop filter (Render > Lens Flare > 50-300mm Zoom).

The inside is a little more honest. It's mostly replacement top hardware, electrical wiring, and light bars. Though there is a $29.99 "Cabana Multi Stripe Beach Towel with Jeep® Logo" on page 286 that probably just exists as an excuse to put a model in a bikini. Seems legit to me.

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: adventures in photoshop catalog dogs jeep sex

Earlier today I had to run some errands. Despite the cool weather, I decided to take the Jeep because it hadn't been out of the garage in a few weeks. Turns out, that was a bad idea.

The Jeep had been drydocked because its left turn signal was out. I had tried replacing the bulb that wasn't coming on, the left fender light, but that hadn't solved the problem. Most people would probably have taken their car to the mechanic. Not Walter. I decided to solve the problem myself.

The contacts were corroded in the 20-year-old bulb fixture, so I figured that was the likely problem. I bought a replacement part, pulled the old fixture, reconnected the wiring, and put it all back together. It still didn't flash for turns, but it did come on for hazards. So I replaced the flasher relay. That didn't fix it either.

It was at this point that I realized that one of the parking lights wasn't working correctly. It blinked with the hazards, but stayed off when the headlights were on. Swapping the two parking-light bulbs caused the left flasher to work and the right to fail. Voila! The whole problem was indeed a bad bulb, just not the one I originally suspected.

As I said, after all that, I finally took the Jeep out on the street. It felt great to be driving it again. I turned on the right blinker as I pulled up to a right turn . . . and I got rear ended.

The good news is that the rear lights were indeed working. The lady who hit me just wasn't paying enough attention. It was a minor fender bender that will cost about $70 to fix. (Bulbs and rewiring the front end had cost $80.) I gave thanks that it hadn't been worse, and went about my business.

On the way home, I hit a deer.

I didn't take a picture of that. (Terrorists don't deserve the recognition.)

For the record, I did get the message. This just isn't the year for me and automobiles. The Jeep is going to stay safely in the garage until 2018.

Comments (3) | Leave a Comment | Tags: cars great deer uprising of 2010 jeep walter

After hearing a strange whirring/grinding sound coming from the rear axle, I dropped the Jeep off at my mechanic's the first week in February. Five weeks and twelve-hundred dollars later, I finally picked it up today. It felt like bringing a sick family member home after a long hospital stay.

Sitting behind the wheel again for the first time in a month, I was reminded why I love that car. The ride is rough. It vibrates and clangs. The road noise is so loud that it's impossible to hear the radio. It's too cold, yet I have to crack the windows and let air rush in to keep the soft top from blowing in. It's so old, the local auto parts places don't carry parts that fit. But, boy, is it fun to drive.

Now if only I can keep it healthy.

Comments (2) | Leave a Comment | Tags: jeep walter

My grandfather insisted on wearing clothes that were out of fashion. It wasn't just that he had old clothes. Given the option, he'd buy apparel that was distinctly antiquated. I finally realized how that happens yesterday when I was looking at car tires.

See, I noticed in June that my Jeep needed new front tires. When I went to the tire store, I was told that Bridgestone, whose tires I've had on my Jeep since 2001, no longer makes my previous tire style in my size. Because money was an issue — when is money not an issue? — I got the cheapest tires I could instead. To make my old, Outlined White Letter rear tires match the new tires, they turned them around. Now the Jeep has black sidewalls on all 4 tires.

Solid black wheels on the Jeep looks terrible. But that's how it's done these days. I looked at the tires of every car I passed yesterday, and in 15 minutes of driving, I counted only seven with outlined white letters. That came out to under 10% of all the cars I passed. Every one of those cars with white letter tires was a late-model truck or Ford Explorer. Cars these days simply don't have white on their sidewalls anymore.

Tire styles have apparently changed in the past decade while I was enjoying my Bridgestone Dueler A/T tires. Apparently, OWL sidewalls are now dated. But so is my Jeep! Black sidewalls look just about as anachronistic on a 1995 Rio Grande Wrangler YJ as the wide stripe sidewalls looked on the Delorean in Back to the Future III.

And this brings us back to my grandfather's clothes. It wasn't that he was oblivious to style changes, it's just that he'd found styles that he liked and stuck with them. I'm old enough now that I can relate. For the record, I still wear calf-high white tube socks. If they're no longer fashionable, I don't want to know what is.

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: aging fashion jeep rant walter

After the last few weeks of nearly solid rain, I decided that I needed to replace the windshield wipers on my Jeep. What I soon discovered was that my local auto parts store doesn't carry them anymore.

Oh, they have wipers. Lots of wipers. They just don't have a 12" blade to fit the front windshield of a '95 Jeep YJ Wrangler. It seems no model car uses blades that small in 2015. The two things every new car buyer is looking for must be multiple cup holders and 22-inch long wipers.

As your car gets older, you expect it to take a little more TLC to keep running. You know that if you damage it, some parts, like dashboards and bumpers, are going to be hard to replace. But windshield wipers? Next you'll be telling me that I can't find rectangular front headlights anymore.

Maybe the parts manufacturers are trying to tell me something. Maybe it's time to make a change. As much as I'm going to miss it, I'll never drive in the rain again.

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: jeep walter

After 7 years, I have finally replaced my Batman tire cover. How many years will this one last?

DC Comics hasn't used this Milton Glaser designed "DC Bullet" for nearly a decade now, but it will always be the only DC logo for me.

Comments (2) | Leave a Comment | Tags: comic books diy jeep

I recently drove my own Jeep after several weeks behind the wheel of others' vehicles. I'd forgotten how exhilarating it could be to drive a car that you really enjoy. There's nothing like a drive in an open-top Jeep. The sun in your eyes, the wind in your thinning hair, the omni-present threat of rollover: it's like heaven.

I assume that all you other drivers have a car that you like to drive. If not, shame on you. What's the point of choking the life out of the world one carbon molecule at a time if you aren't really enjoying it?

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: jeep walter

Today is the 4th Annual Worldwide Go Topless Day! For awhile now, I've gone topless almost every day, weather permitting, from spring through fall. But it's still nice to have a specific day to honor it.

Before you get too excited, note that this event is intended as a social event for Jeep owners sponsored by All Things Jeep.com and your local Jeep enthusiasts club. The club here in Newnan is called the Georgia Crawlers 4x4 Club. And the Newnan 2011 Go Topless Day activities are sponsored by The Alamo (the bar, not the famous Spanish mission -- that shouldn't be too hard to remember).

To be clear, I don't participate. Certainly not because I'm opposed to Jeeps. I'm not even specifically opposed to the people who drive them. I like waving at drivers of other Jeeps as they pass me on the road. However, as a general rule, I just don't like social gatherings or really anywhere else there will be people. (Some days, even the super market is too crowded.)

Today's celebration should not be confused with National Go Topless Day sponsored by Go Topless.org. That Go Topless Day is celebrated on August 21 this year as a political protest to remove sexist laws from the United States that prohibit women from baring their chests as men are allowed to do. Now there's an event I can really get in front of!

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: alamo go topless day holidays jeep

How does that old saying go? Believe all of what you see?

Mark the date: I will eventually want a record of what my '95 Jeep YJ Wrangler Rio Grande Edition looks like clean and polished. Next time I wonder how long it's been since I washed it, I can look back and say, "it used to be green?"

From this angle, you can barely even seen the paint disintegration on the hood or the broken rear rim! And you can't see the torn tire cover! Or the leaky radiator. Or the loose muffler, torn vinyl seats, bent rear bumperettes, shattered canvas top latch, rusted gear shifts, malfunctioning stereo, dislodged dashboard lamps, or the carpet discoloration! Nope. From here it looks perfect.

Perfect. Believe it.

Comments (1) | Leave a Comment | Tags: jeep

According to an article at dailymail.co.uk, the online portal for London's Daily Mail newspaper, Haynes will be releasing a guide for the U.S.S. Enterprise. My Haynes mechanical manual failed miserably in helping me with the relatively simple wiring for the dashboard and brake lights a few years back (before it was "accidentally" caught in a week's worth of downpours as the Jeep sat open-topped at the mechanics). I advise that Scotty tread carefully around the warp core with Haynes manual in hand: poorly written instructions are far more dangerous than any Klingon.

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: jeep star trek