Eleven years ago, "friend" Keith predicted that my then-new DC Bullet tire cover would outlast the Jeep. I'm happy to report that he was wrong.

The Jeep is still going strong, and it's time to unveil this decade's tire cover!

Yeah, it's still black and white and red all over. When you find a color scheme that works, why change it?

As for that new url, try it yourself: wriphe.com/poodles

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Earlier this week, the Jeep overheated (again) and required a $600 radiator replacement. After a year of family car malfunctions, the receptionist at my mechanic's shop now recognizes me on sight and has started looking at me like she thinks I might be a little crazy whenever I try to explain why I'm bringing in another car. All I said this time when I dropped off the key was, "It's overheating and I don't know why. I mean I know it overheated because the water is all gone, but I don't know where it went." Nothing crazy about that at all.

Things did not get better when I went to reclaim my Jeep. Mother followed me inside and watched over my shoulder as I paid the bill because she wanted to be sure I asked the receptionist if they noticed anything wrong with the Jeep's oil levels while they were replacing the radiator. (The oil slick in the garage is quite noticeable when the Jeep isn't parked over it.) With Mom staring me down, I had no choice but to ask, and the receptionist kindly answered, "You're not supposed to put oil in the radiator." I might need to find a new mechanic who doesn't know me.

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In its entirety, the text message from my aunt reads

Hey, Have you been ducked?

Of all the things I could have possibly guessed she meant, one thing that definitely did not occur to me was this:

source: npr.org

Apparently, placing a rubber duck on someone else's Jeep as a "compliment" has become a thing in 2023. Great. One more thing to dread.

The primary reason I leave my house as rarely as possible is because I don't enjoy interacting with other people. I don't mind that they exist, you understand, because I appreciate that many of those people make the amenities that make my life more comfortable. But I don't want to have to talk them. And I certainly don't want them to put anything on my vehicle.

That feels... invasive.

So if you want to trade petroleum-based products with other likeminded duckers, be my guest. But please leave me and my Jeep out of your water sports, people.

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Last weekend's task: glue a rear view mirror to a Jeep windshield the Walter Way, just 10 easy steps!

Step 1: cut open tubes of two-part epoxy and dispense onto a sheet of wax paper.

Step 2: clean your hands of the epoxy you got on your fingers while trying to put the cap back on.

Step 3: mix the two parts of the epoxy with a toothpick.

Step 4: clean the table of the epoxy you on it after accidentally tearing the wax paper with the toothpick.

Step 5: use the toothpick to spread epoxy on the button that will attach the rear view mirror to the windshield.

Step 6: clean your hands of the epoxy you got on your fingers while trying to pick the epoxy-covered button off the table.

Step 7: place the button against the windshield and hold in place with a piece of masking tape.

Step 8: clean the windshield of the epoxy you smeared while simultaneously holding the button against the windshield and tearing a strip of tape off the roll.

Step 9: Go back to Step 5 and try again.

Step 10: Congratulate yourself on a job well done!

Next weekend's task: replace a leaky sink faucet in the basement the Walter Way, just 10 easy steps!

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While we're dealing with the double whammy of toilet paper and beef shortages, it's important to remember that there are still some silver linings to our current situation. For example:

Normally preferring to keep no more than $10 worth in at a time, I fully fill up the gas tank in my Jeep less often than once every half-a-dozen blue moons. But market-crash induced gas prices have been so good lately, I couldn't pass up the opportunity.

What disaster will lead to the Jeep's next full tank? I guess we'll find out when we get there.

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Walter, what have you been doing with your time in sequestration?

Well, Walter, for one thing, I've started talking to myself.

Also, I've been working on the Jeep. Several electrical components needed fixing, most notably the headlight switch. The original switch had worn out, causing the headlights to blink off at the slightest bump in the road. (And if you're familiar with Jeeps, you know they find lots of bumps in roads.)

The old switch was held in place with 11 phillips head screws (9 for pieces of the dashboard cover and 2 for the actual component), and only had to be unplugged. The hardest part was swapping over the grime.

That really only leaves the radio, which I promise to get around to rewiring one of these days. Not today, though. No, it'll take at least another month of sequestration before I'm that nuts.

So that's what I've been doing, Walter. Thanks for asking.

You're welcome.

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I don't mean to tell the King of the Sea his business, but he's doing it wrong.

Aquaman #1 (Jan-Feb 1962)

Yes, I am willing to accept the premise that Aquaman and Aqualad have been magically reduced to three inches in height by a water sprite (named Quisp!) in an attempt to save them from rampaging Inner Earth fire trolls.

And every DC fan knows that Atlanteans can only survive out of the water — salty or otherwise — for one hour, so obviously they need to get into this Army Jeep's radiator to stay alive. (Antifreeze poisoning? Never heard of it.)

Yet I just can't get past the fact that Aquaman doesn't know how to open a radiator cap.

My suspension of disbelief only goes so far.

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Sex sells everything. Including Jeep replacement parts.

Disclaimer: you cannot order those legs from this catalog.

In fact, this cover doesn't fill me with confidence about anything in this catalog. It's all fake. You can tell from the shadows that the Jeep and the landscape are two separate images that were edited together. Given the weird way the sun is hitting that dog, it must have been cropped in from a third source. And that totally unnecessary lens flare is straight-up a Photoshop filter (Render > Lens Flare > 50-300mm Zoom).

The inside is a little more honest. It's mostly replacement top hardware, electrical wiring, and light bars. Though there is a $29.99 "Cabana Multi Stripe Beach Towel with Jeep® Logo" on page 286 that probably just exists as an excuse to put a model in a bikini. Seems legit to me.

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Earlier today I had to run some errands. Despite the cool weather, I decided to take the Jeep because it hadn't been out of the garage in a few weeks. Turns out, that was a bad idea.

The Jeep had been drydocked because its left turn signal was out. I had tried replacing the bulb that wasn't coming on, the left fender light, but that hadn't solved the problem. Most people would probably have taken their car to the mechanic. Not Walter. I decided to solve the problem myself.

The contacts were corroded in the 20-year-old bulb fixture, so I figured that was the likely problem. I bought a replacement part, pulled the old fixture, reconnected the wiring, and put it all back together. It still didn't flash for turns, but it did come on for hazards. So I replaced the flasher relay. That didn't fix it either.

It was at this point that I realized that one of the parking lights wasn't working correctly. It blinked with the hazards, but stayed off when the headlights were on. Swapping the two parking-light bulbs caused the left flasher to work and the right to fail. Voila! The whole problem was indeed a bad bulb, just not the one I originally suspected.

As I said, after all that, I finally took the Jeep out on the street. It felt great to be driving it again. I turned on the right blinker as I pulled up to a right turn . . . and I got rear ended.

The good news is that the rear lights were indeed working. The lady who hit me just wasn't paying enough attention. It was a minor fender bender that will cost about $70 to fix. (Bulbs and rewiring the front end had cost $80.) I gave thanks that it hadn't been worse, and went about my business.

On the way home, I hit a deer.

I didn't take a picture of that. (Terrorists don't deserve the recognition.)

For the record, I did get the message. This just isn't the year for me and automobiles. The Jeep is going to stay safely in the garage until 2018.

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After hearing a strange whirring/grinding sound coming from the rear axle, I dropped the Jeep off at my mechanic's the first week in February. Five weeks and twelve-hundred dollars later, I finally picked it up today. It felt like bringing a sick family member home after a long hospital stay.

Sitting behind the wheel again for the first time in a month, I was reminded why I love that car. The ride is rough. It vibrates and clangs. The road noise is so loud that it's impossible to hear the radio. It's too cold, yet I have to crack the windows and let air rush in to keep the soft top from blowing in. It's so old, the local auto parts places don't carry parts that fit. But, boy, is it fun to drive.

Now if only I can keep it healthy.

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