130/2296. Mystic Pizza (1988)
If I had seen this when it came out, I know I would have hated it. And not just because I would have been 12 and I would have hated everything that wasn't Transformers and comic books but because each of the girls are clearly making choices that sabotage their own lives. But with the perspective that Middle Age provides, I really enjoyed it.

This product placement becomes a little more blatant when you discover this wasn't filmed at the actual restaurant.

131/2297. The Bachelor Party (1957)
TCM broadcast a night of Paddy Chayefsky-written films, including this one, which is NOT the sophomoric Tom Hanks comedy but a typically satirical Chayefsky look at the institution of marriage and how we usually fail it. I liked it.

132/2298. Middle of the Night (1959)
Another Chayefsky work, this time a look at the unconventional courtship of a May/December romance hindered by self-deception and social expectations. I did not care for the rom-com ending; they're doomed!

134/2300. I Wouldn't Be in Your Shoes (1948)
Run by TCM as an off-the-beaten path Christmas movie (it's set around the holiday), this is a crime drama in which a disagreeable dancer is framed for murder and it's up to his wife and the police detective who loves her to find the clues. It's a fun puzzle, but the ending... oh, boy. I'm glad everybody brought a gun to the housewarming.

135/2301. She Done Him Wrong (1933)
When I wrote my capsule for I'm No Angel a few weeks ago, I was actually thinking of this, the other Mae West/Cary Grant movie. I'm No Angel is the much better of the two, but they both showcase why May West is an enduring star.

136/2302. 42 (2013)
A biopic of Jackie Robinson's first year in baseball, which, as is usually the case in these sorts of movies and the primary reason I don't usually like them, bends history to fit its narrative. However, Robinson was a unique individual deserving of his place in history, and the movie is well-crafted and charming. So I'll just say nice things about it.

More to come.

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44/2210. Jules et Jim (1962)
You know a movie with a "love" story like this has to be (loosely) based on a true story, because it's just too bonkers to be credible fiction. It's well made, well written, well acted... I just didn't enjoy spending time with any of the characters, all clearly doomed by their own selfishness.

45/2211. Operation Pacific (1951)
This movie was remade, also with John Wayne, as In Harm's Way. That one's much better (with a larger budget). Watch it instead.

46/2212. Four Daughters (1938)
The plot of this melodrama is a little thin, relying heavily on the charm of the Lane sisters to keep the viewer entertained while John Garfield chews the scenery doing his best Oscar Levant impersonation. I'd probably watch it again just for Priscilla Lane.

47/2213. Bridge of Spies (2015)
I'm still not a particular fan of Spielberg's penchant for pushing his audience's emotional buttons, but I do appreciate his perspective on a true history story that utilizes Tom Hanks' unique talents to show us how an "everyman" with integrity, compassion, and determination can make a cold (war) world a better place.

48/2214. Carrot Cake Murder: A Hannah Swensen Mystery (2023)
At last! These are my favorite of the Hallmark mysteries. This is the first new entry in this series in years (because star Allison Sweeney has been working on other projects), and there's a bit of a disappointing casting shake-up with the introduction of a long-lost sister (a la Roy in "The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show" episode of The Simpsons). I'm willing to forgive almost anything to get more of these, especially after such a long wait.

More to come.

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As I type this, the United States has 1.188 million confirmed cases of COVID-19 and 68,276 deaths. More Americans have already died in the past 2 months from COVID-19 than died in the entire Vietnam War. And it's not over yet. By the time you read this, those numbers will be worse.

A quick computation of those figures reveals a current mortality rate of nearly 6%. If you've been paying attention (what else have you got to do?), you may remember that back at the beginning of March, the World Health Organization was estimating a 3.4% mortality rate — an estimate our wise president chose to call "a false number" in a live television interview with Sean Hannity on Fox News. He objected to the WHO number not because it was too low, but because it was much, much to high. "I would say the number is way under one percent," said the president.

(Footnote for future historians: That comment was made on March 4. A month later, April 14, Trump withdrew funding to the WHO claiming that they failed to report the true danger of the virus back in January. Quote: "The reality is that the WHO failed to adequately obtain that and share information in a timely and transparent fashion." By that logic, I guess we should stop funding the current American president, too.)

Testing continues to be a problem, so we can't really be sure that the 1,188,122 number I referenced above is the true extent of the contamination. If we assume that the actual mortality rate is closer to 3.4% previously observed in other countries, it would mean that over 2 million Americans currently have or have had the disease. That's over a million hidden, untreated, pandemic-spreading cases. Sure seems like someone should be thinking twice about opening those shopping malls, Governor Kemp.

Also unreported in all those grim details is another victim of COVID-19. Specifically, I'm talking about my flattop.

I haven't seen a barber in over a decade, but in an act of solidarity with coronavirus-positive Tom Hanks (and maybe a little laziness), I decided to go ahead and trim my hair down to the scalp. Does it make me look more bald or less?

These days, the fact that I'm alive and well enough to worry about such things feels like an accomplishment.

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New year, new movies.

1. (1655.) The Spy Who Dumped Me (2018)
Just your run-of-the-mill buddy road action romance comedy spy movie for chicks. Being a mash up of so many genres, it stuck mostly to the established stereotypes of each. That there were so many moving parts (and actors having fun) kept it from being stale. I enjoyed it.

2. (1656.) Chopping Mall (1986)
Imagine Short Circuit with Johnny Five replaced by Micheal Myers and you get this so very 1980s slasher flick. Recommended to fans of Friday the 13th (I'm talking to you, Keith).

There were better Coke shots before this, but I wasn't ready.

3. (1657.) A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (2019)
I liked this as a work of fiction, but I just could not accept Tom Hanks as Fred Rogers. (And although the protagonist is based on a real person, I think it's ridiculous to call a film about a fictitious person a biography.) Therefore, the highlight of the film was the miniature sets used for establishing shots and transitions. If you want to see a movie about Mr. Rogers, I'd recommend last year's Won't You Be My Neighbor documentary instead.

4. (1658.) Kansas City Confidential (1952)
Good, suspenseful noir about a man-done-wrong chasing down the men who did him wrong. Enjoyable.

5. (1659.) Magnificent Obsession (1954)
This is dreary melodrama follows a horrible, trust-fund cad (Rock Hudson) who falls for the woman whose life he destroyed (Jane Wyman) and becomes the world's best brain surgeon to fix her. Ugh.

6. (1660.) The Lodger (1927)
Alfred Hitchcock's third film was obviously heavily influenced by the German expressionism films of the era. As so many silents do, it sags a bit in the middle, but it's totally worth a watch for Hitchcock fans. (It contains the first Hitchcock cameo appearance, by the way. His back is to camera in an early shot of a newsroom. I missed it.)

More to come.

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Let's finish off June movies:

107. (1336.) Way Out West (1937)
Laurel and Hardy perform a series of Vaudeville gags, some more effective than others.

108. (1337.) Deadpool 2 (2018)
On first watch, I think it was better than the first one, though it does have less "heart" and did sometimes seem to be trying too hard.

109. (1338.) Oblivion (2013)
As you might expect from a Tom Cruise action film with hard sci-fi trappings, there's about 30 minutes of story here (and the plot doesn't stand up to critical thought).

110. (1339.) He Knows You're Alone (1980)
A dull, bloodless slasher flick whose only bright spot is Tom Hanks in his first ever movie role.

113. (1342.) The Young Doctors (1961)
Everything you think is wrong with the modern healthcare industry in America is in this entertaining 57-year-old movie.

114. (1343.) Scenes from the Class Struggle in Beverly Hills (1989)
I'd call this a farce, as I found the comedy too broad to be truly satirical, and the best part is Jacqueline Bisset.

115. (1344.) Nothing Sacred (1937)
This screwball comedy starts well with some great dialog, but loses its edge as the romantic leads fall for one another.

118. (1347.) The Package (1989)
Gene Hackman plays an old Popeye Doyle and Tommy Lee Jones plays Tommy Lee Jones in this mediocre political thriller.

More to come.

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You thought I wouldn't get through my list of 2017 movies before 2018, didn't you? Well, this is it! December, part 2 of 2:

163. (1222.) It's a Wonderful World (1939)
This screwball comedy staring Jimmy Stewart should not be confused with It's a Wonderful Life. There's little exceptional about this, which is not to say it's bad. It's just not a classic.

164. (1223.) Ace in the Hole (1951)
Man, Kirk Douglas made some great movies. The premise of this movie, that a journalist would endanger the life of an innocent man to get a bigger story, is so 2017. Too late does he realize what this has done to his soul. Very good.

165. (1224.) The Shop Around the Corner (1940)
The movie that inspired You've Got Mail with Jimmy Stewart in Tom Hanks' role. I like Tom Hanks as much as the next American, but Stewart does it best.

166. (1225.) Man-Proof (1938)
Myrna Loy isn't so much "man-proof" as she is "man obsessed." I guess that would have made a worse title. I do adore Loy, but I can't say even her presence does much to redeem this rather sappy melodrama.
UPDATE 2018-07-26: I just now realized that I watched this movie in 2012 and didn't remember. Oops.

168. (1227.) Dudes (1987)
A cult classic starring Jon Cryer as a New Yorker having a fever dream trip through the modern Old West. This eclectic movie has a lot of quirkiness going for it — especially Daredelvis — but despite its charm can't overcome the fundamental problem of its violent heart.

This movie included an overt bit of Coca-Cola product placement. After seeing this and the Coke bottles in Ace in the Hole, I decided from now on, whenever I see a Coke on screen, I'm going to include a screen grab in my review. So have a Coke and a Dude:

169. (1228.) Broadway Melody of 1936 (1936)
Jack Benny! Eleanor Powell! Buddy Ebsen! There's a lot to like about this tap-dancing musical. It has some product placement itself, as Ebsen wears a Mickey Mouse sweater for his first dance number (with his sister)! Utterly charming.

170. (1229.) Joysticks (1983)
Teen sex comedies of the 1980s have a special place in my heart (and my groin). This one concerns a video arcade that runs afoul of Jo Don Baker with all the bizarre misadventures you'd expect. Not a bad choice to end the year.

Whew! 170 movies in 2017. Can I top that? Tune in next year and see!

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People keep telling me about television shows they enjoy and think I would like. I agree; I might like them. However, I am always reluctant to commit to any dramatic serialized production until it's over, as I'm really bothered when the story doesn't end well (or at all). That's part of what I like about movies: they're self-contained stories told in (generally) 2 hours. They're the short stories of visual media compared to television's novellas.

That said, let's review the first batch of films I watched in June.

78. (1137.) When Ladies Meet (1941)
This is the Joan Crawford remake of the Myrna Loy movie (though both are based on a play). The Myrna Loy version is better, much better. Crawford replaces Loy's dry wit with a melodramatic self-righteousness that is infinitely less charming.

79. (1138.) A Hologram for the King (2016)
Does this Tom Hanks movie have a point? It starts off like it does, with a surrealistic blast that put me in mind of Trainspotting, itself a harsh take-down of modern life. Then Hologram meanders through some dark, dark territory before eventually settling into a mild romance tale with the bland moral that humans are "all more alike than different." Yawn.

80. (1139.) He Walked by Night (1948)
This cheap crime thriller has some spectacular, high-contrast cinematography that exemplifies the best of mid-century noir. Jack Webb plays a crime lab technician, and this film's DNA is all over Webb's long-running Dragnet. Very good.

81. (1140.) Lassiter (1984)
No! Just no! Tom Selleck plays a cat burglar drafted into helping the London police steal diamonds from Nazi agents because . . . well, I still have no idea why. It's supposed to be part spy thriller, part crime story, part period piece, but none of it comes together. If you have the opportunity to see this, don't.

82. (1141.) The Horror at 37,000 Feet (1973)
William Shatner plays a defrocked priest confronting a pagan celtic demon in an airplane in this attempt to capitalize on the success of The Exorcist. There's a lot of silly here, and Shatner really comes delivers in the end. Thanks, Bill!

83. (1142.) Aeon Flux (2005)
This seemed . . . pointless. Don't get me wrong, there are some great visuals, but they don't do much to help a very mundane story about typical sci-fi issues like cloning, free will, faith, blah, blah, blah. The whole thing comes down to a bog-standard gun fight anyway, so I recommend you watch RoboCop (preferably the Peter Weller version) instead.

More to come.

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I've still got 8 movies to tell you about from April. Here are four of them:

51. (1110.) The Gazebo (1959)
I could not figure out how this black comedy was going to end. According to the Hays Code, which was losing power by the time this film was made, the perpetrator of a crime couldn't get away with his nefarious deed. Was the sympathetic protagonist really going to be punished? The twist ending was exactly what this film needed.

52. (1111.) Captain Phillips (2013)
This thing was nominated for a Best Picture Academy Award? What in hell for? I don't mean to suggest that it is bad; it's just thin. There are no great lessons to be learned, no stellar cinematography. It's just a suspense film with Tom Hanks. Go watch a Hitchcock film with Jimmy Stewart instead. (I recommend Rope or Rear Window.)

53. (1112.) The Sundowners (1960)
I really wanted to hate this, but Robert Mitchum is too damn good. He even manages to get away with an Australian accent for the whole thing. Surprisingly engrossing.

54. (1113.) Death Watch (1980)
Hard science fiction is underrepresented in cinema, mostly because the genre is about exploring concepts exploring the human condition (2001: A Space Odyssey) and not just fantasy adventure with futuristic visuals (Star Wars). This film qualifies as the real thing, as it presents many disturbing concepts about a near future world where death is a reality television show broadcast to the masses via cameramen with electronic eyes. Good stuff.

More to come.

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Last week, Dungeons & Dragons was inducted into the National Toy Hall of Fame. Obviously, I think this is a great thing.

(Hint, hint.)

But more important than any novels I've written about a role-playing adventure I created, this special occasion gives me the opportunity to remind you of Tom Hanks' greatest performance.

This movie is Mazes and Monsters, the 1982 classic based on the right-wing paranoia that Dungeons & Dragons was destroying childrens' minds.

Drink it in. That man has won two Academy Awards.

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More April movies (part 2/3):

75. (822.) The Young Lions (1958)
I'd heard a lot of talk about this movie but wasn't really impressed. Its anthology approach to three men who hate war and the women who loved them felt like it should have been two or three separate movies. I've mentioned before my dislike of Brando. He's passable here as he oversells "the sympathetic Nazi," but he probably looks better in comparison to Dean Martin's coward and Montgomery Clift's imbecile.

76. (823.) Scaramouche (1952)
This movie was recommended to me in 1996 while I was working in a Cole's bookstore in Market Square Mall in Decatur, GA. The older gentlemen (who regularly bought books on World War II era aircraft and 18th century ships) was certain i'd like it. He was right. Lots of fun in this swashbuckler. He also recommended the works of C.S. Forester. I should probably get around to reading those.

77. (824.) Road to Perdition (2002)
Wow. Tom Hanks is the perfect actor to make a prohibition gangster a relatable parent. Despite its predictable outcome, this film was an enjoyable visual treat. Recommended, so long as you have a stomach for gory crime films.

78. (825.) Let Me In (2010)
This is the American remake of a 2008 Swedish film. If Girl with the Dragon Tatoo is an example, the original is probably better by not shying away from the darker parts of the story. But this wasn't terrible. More style than substance, but I think that's generally the point with vampire movies (and probably the horror genre as a whole).

79. (826.) The Knack ... and How to Get It (1965)
This seems like a movie (based on a play) written by pretentious College freshmen. An hour and a half exploring love/sex/community/gender relations? I'm 100% sure that I would have eaten this up in high school. Now it just feels immature.

80. (827.) Island in the Sky (1938)
A double feature crime/mystery in the standard RKO formula. A good waste of time.

81. (828.) Baby Face (1933)
Barbara Stanwyck does everything we men think that women do to take advantage of us. Of course, that is until she falls in love despite herself. Heh. I liked it, but I would have liked it better if the suicide at the climax had stuck.

82. (829.) An Act of Murder (1948)
Wow. The people making this could not have had any less respect for women. A judge discovers that his wife is dying of a terminal disease then doesn't tell her because it would just upset her pretty little head. So when things get bad, he decides to murder her instead of letting her die of the disease. The worst part is, we're supposed to sympathize with the anguished judge, not the dying wife married to someone who treats her like a pet goldfish. Just wow.

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