This past week my brother chastised me for failing to update the site sooner than this. He told me that I was failing to do my established duty to entertain the half dozen people who visit the site regularly.

In my defense, I've been kind of busy. I've been trying really hard to complete the PS2 game Mercenaries. Determined to collect all of the bounties, I had a great deal of trouble with the 10 of Spades. I accidentally killed number 10 and couldn't recover the body that had fallen halfway down a cliff. That was irritating.

Also, I've been working on a script for a new The Movies movie about time travel. I've just about finished writing dialogue. I'll keep you posted regarding release dates.

And that's all in addition to the fact that I've been trying to finish Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged which I started reading casually on August 2 last year. I've finished two other books in the meanwhile that I've read only while on the toilet. I really love Rand's Objectivist philosophy, but she really takes her time redundantly driving a point home again and again.

Anyway, it's updated now. Are you happy yet, Trey?

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Today I was flipping channels and caught the very end of G4's Electric Playground (a show I really don't much care for usually). They were discussing The Movies and it's Chrysler Competition. As Victor Lucas wrapped up the show, they showed the competition website onscreen. I was stoked to find my submission, A Dog's Tale, very visible on the television. It was sweet.

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Alright, try as I might, I seem incapable of getting either a 5-star studio or a 5-star movie star in The Movies. How very, very irritating.

On a very related note, I have a new movie online here.

I think I might enjoy making these silly little fake movie posters more than I enjoy making the movies, though that may just be the sour grapes talking.

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All right, I admit it, I didn't watch the Oscars. I didn't watch any of the 80 straight hours of hype on E! before the show. I didn't watch Jon Stewart's scything remarks against Scientology. I didn't watch anyone thank God or The Academy in their acceptance speach. More importantly, I didn't watch any of the films that were nominated for, well, anything this year.

Hollywood, you've stopped trying to talk to me. I don't know when, exactly, that I fell from the demographic that Hollywood was trying to reach. I'm still young (enough) to buy shoes, cars, and cigarettes. However, I don't live in L.A., I don't LOVE history or morality tales, and I'm not a gay cowboy in Wyoming. (In fact, I can't stand Wyoming, but that's a different story.)

The only 3 films that I saw that were released in theaters in 2005 were Sin City, Batman Begins, and Fantastic Four. (Anyone see the theme there?) I'm not demanding that Hollywood make nothing but comic book inspired movies (oh, that would be awful, wouldn't it?). However, I would like for Hollywood to give me something to justify the $12.00 expense of a movie ticket in 2006 that didn't have men in tights -- or the silver screen equivalent: molded black vinyl -- in it.

Hollywood, you're now specializing only in biopics (Ray, Capote, Walk The Line), interpretive history (Munich, Good Night And Good Luck, Alexander) or or the always unimpressive sequel (Big Momma's House 2, Cheaper By The Dozen 2, Miss Congeniality 2, Son of Mask, Star Wars Episode 3). And if I don't care for those, I can always pay full price to go watch a film that I've seen before (War Of The Worlds, The Pink Panther, Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, King Kong, Amityville Horror, The Longest Yard).

If that's the best that you have to offer me, Tinseltown, stop bitching that you just had the worst year ever and try to make something worth watching for a change.

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As most of you who visit this site know by now, I've been consumed by the Lionhead/Activision game The Movies. They've graciously granted web space to my studio, Wriphe Jr. Pictures, where I'm listing my moving picture endeavors for everyone to see (and belittle).

In a desperate gamble to increase my studio's visibility, I've decided to start entering every contest that I can. First up is a contest for a new Chrysler. Though I'm very happy with my Jeep (a pre-DaimlerChrysler product), I could always use another car. If you get a chance, check out my film (shameless plug). I think my promo poster below about sums this film up.

Now I'm off to Do Lunch. You're Beautiful. Have Your People Call My People. Ciao.

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I just finished Gotham Central #39, and I was appalled to discover that issue 40 will be the last of the series. Apparently the G.C.P.D. won't survive the "skipped" year coming in Infinite Crisis. The cancellation of this book has me really depressed.

You see, last month my comic shop of the past decade plus closed its doors. While debating if I my desire was strong enough to keep feeding my very expensive habit, the only DC book that had any emotional impact upon me was Gotham Central. The ending of issue #38 was shocking and saddening to me. One month later, to find that the only book that I was really enjoying within DC's "continuity" is to be discontinued is very discouraging.

I'll be the first to recognize that the comic industry has to change in order to reach a new generation of customers. I had hoped that they would be able to do so without alienating their longstanding readers. But as DC changes Superman into Hamlet and Batman into Dr. Frankenstein, I find my interest waning.

In the early 90's, in reaction to the trends of the day and gimmicks of their competitors, DC replaced Batman with a much darker version. Denny O'Neil has said that the Azrael Batman was an interpretation of the darker, more violent characters that were so prevalent at the time, an interpretation that was predestined for destruction in favor of the more life-affirming Batman that DC presented. Now, DC gives us All-Star Batman, a despicable, murderous, egomaniacal creature that throws their work and characterization of just 10 years ago out the window. And their excuse? Allowing Frank Miller to redefine Batman worked so well 20 years ago, let's get him to do it again! With curse words! I'm beginning to think that Frank Miller sincerely hates Batman.

I think I'll blame my comic book malaise on the "new look" DC bullet. I loved the previous, longstanding bullet. It has been modified over the years, but it was always the same basic thing: the letters "D" & "C" inside of a circle with text or stars. The same elements are all there, but it's not the same feeling anymore. And now that that bullet is associated with DC's new Batman (shitty) and Superman (going to be shitty) movies, the whole thing is a disenfranchising nightmare to me.

Sure, I'll probably keep buying Detective and Batman out of habit (the inertia of 30 consecutive years collecting a title is hard to overcome), but I'm just not sure I really care anymore for the new DC Universe. I guess that's the thing about bullets: you never see them coming.

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This holiday season, take some time to review the things that really matter. Ponder the big questions in life: If Jesus had been a postman, would he have been mailed to the cross? Do you ruin Santa's schedule if you put laxative in his milk and cookies? If I dream of a white christmas, will I be considered a racist by Morgan Freeman?

I was watching one of my favorite movies the other day, the 1979 TV pilot for Captain America. It features one of my favorite actors, Reb Brown. Reb's acting was never very good, but his great physique, good natured delivery, and unintentionally comic timing always made his onscreen performances memorable. (He had quite a bit of work for nearly 2 decades beginning in the mid-seventies, everything from Fantasy Island to Flight of the Intruder.)

To get a better sense of Reb's style, take a look at this clip from the movie. (Check out Simon's double-take to Steve's final statement.) If you've never seen the movie, there are a lot of great moments where it seems that scientist and spy Simon is talking to Steve as though Steve were a special education student. It's great. And it has a big part for Lance LeGault, a member of Elvis' Memphis Mafia and prolific actor who played, among other roles, the A-Team's Col. Decker. Don't worry, you'll recognize him as "that guy with the gravelly voice who always plays assholes."

It's a long way from "Do you think this letter on my head stands for France?" but it's a lot of clean, old-fashioned fun anyway.

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I was just searching Amazon.com for the movie Side Out (with C. Thomas Howell), and my search returned a listing for crotchless panties. (God bless the internet.) Which, naturally, got me thinking about crotchless panties. What exactly is the point of these things? It has all of the bulk of underwear and none of the function. (But what a breeze!) I like easy access, but why wear panties at all if they are simply going to have a big hole in them? When my underwear develops holes, I throw it away. I've always said that I think people look more appealing with some clothing on, but this is not at all what I had in mind.

Amusingly, under "Features," Amazon lists the following for the "String of Bubbles" crotchless panty:

• Surprise someone special
• Allows you to wear jewelry in places you never though about
• It feels amazing
• Fun to wear
• Adds spice to your life

Certainly, none of these "Features" answers any of my questions. But ladies, so long as you can have an excuse to wear more jewelry ("Ooh! Shiny!"), why not crotchless panties?

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I've been watching a lot of Star Trek, and I've decided 2 things:

1. Leonard Nimoy is spectacular.

We all know him as Mr. Spock, a distinguished role among many on TV and movies. He is also an accomplished director of both media. Even more astonishing, he is a singer with nearly a dozen albums to his credit. ("The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins" gets all of the glory, but if you've never heard Nimoy sing "If I Had a Hammer," you haven't lived. It brings me to tears every time I hear it.) And I've just recently discovered that he is a photographer specializing in nude female photographs. Damn, Leonard, do you have to make all of the rest of us look like such spectacularly lazy bastards?

2. Captain Picard is a shitty captain.

Sure, he strikes a distinctive pose, all regal and bald, but he has no idea what his ship or his crew are ever capable of. When confronted with any new situation, he is as confused as an old man presented with a new children's cereal box. Worse still, after he acquires even a little information about his new situation, he jumps to some immediate, outlandish solution that could only possibly be correct on a syndicated science fiction television show. (Better to be lucky than good, eh, Jean-Luc?)

To disguise his foolhardy blustering, many Picard defenders point out that Picard is simply a more calm and rational man than his forebearer (the great and mighty Captain Kirk). This could hardly be further from the truth. To jump to a faulty conclusion at the drop of his last hair is neither rational nor commendable. Picard's outrageous temper tantrums, seen frequently in outbursts against his crew (especially including that impetuous young Ensign Crusher) but rarely discussed, are further evidence of his instability and inability to lead. The fact that the crew follows the old man (who leads from the rear *tsk, tsk, tsk*) demonstrates only that they are just as sick of him and desperate for escape from his tyranny as I am.

At least he's still better than Captain Janeway.

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The Empire Strikes Back is still the best sci-fi movie ever made. I know someone who thinks the effects look dated ("Who's scruffy looking?"), but after just watching it again, for the umpteen millionth time, I have to say that I think it looks damn good by any standard. You just can't improve on perfection.

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