Spambot posts are typically banal comments designed to innocuously seed url links to search engines and unaware humans. The latest attempt here at Wriphe.com, however, I thought clever enough to deserve a spotlight:

The next time I learn a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I imply, I know it was my choice to learn, however I truly thought youd have one thing interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about one thing that you possibly can fix in the event you werent too busy looking for attention.

In the future we'll all be trolled by hyper-critical, incredibly insightful spambots. Happy Valentine's Day!

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Wonder Woman knows how to celebrate Valentine's Day.

Remember, kids, it's not domestic violence if she's not from this country!

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My father gave me the vinyl decal below from nickerstickers.com. I love it, but I have no idea what to do with it. Put it on the car? On my computer? On my bathroom mirror? I have no idea.

Come to think of it, "I love it, but I have no idea what to do with it" sums up my feelings about almost every gift my father gives me. In past years, I've gotten an over-sized ant, a tank of helium, and a plasma ball, all of which now sit in a special place in my closet. What can I say? He's got a talent.

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For Valentine's Day, my mother gave me a sexually suggestive greeting card featuring Batman. In return, I flooded the guest bathroom.

The diverter, that little knob that sends the water from the tub spout up to the shower head, wasn't doing its job in my shower. So I did what any semi-competent handyman would do: I decided to fix it. All I had to do was unscrew the spout from the wall and replace it, right? What I didn't recognize at the time was that was the premise for every episode of Home Improvement.

A 4-hour visit from a plumber and 685 dollars later, I have a brand new, fully-functional spout and knob. The water pressure is great! Plus, I still get to do some diy work because I now have to replace the giant square of drywall and 2-by-4s that had to be removed to get to the pipes I broke.

So that's how we do Valentine's Day in my house: wet and inappropriate.

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Lois, your boyfriend, Superman, just gave you chocolates and a card. Superman, a man who can generate enough pressure to fabricate diamonds from raw coal, use x-ray vision to find undiscovered gold deposits, and swim to the ocean's greatest depths to recover natural pearls, gives his girlfriend chocolates and a card. Worse yet, Superman, a man whose brain works faster than a computer, who has matched wits and won against Brainiac, the universe's smartest supervillain, who has saved countless lives through the force of his own will alone, couldn't even be bothered to take the time to think of a better inscription for the card than "Be my valentine from Superman."

That expression on Lois' face isn't happiness. And there's a reason that Superman is rushing out that window. He may be super, but he's still just a man.

The best part of all of this? For Valentine's Day, Superman gave Lois the Schaff's.

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Ah, again we've reached that day of the year that royally chaps my hide. Perhaps it's because I can't stand to see other people happy. Or maybe it's because I'm so lonely that I become depressed to see couples enjoying each other's company. But I think that I hate Valentine's Day because it never shows up in superhero comic book stories.

There is a long tradition of comic book Christmas stories in both the DC and Marvel Universes. New Years, Halloween, and Thanksgiving are equally well represented. I can even remember St. Patrick's Day and Independence Day themed stories. However, I can't ever recall reading any comic book containing relevance to the events of Valentine's Day (save, of course, for the issue of Long Halloween, which was entirely holiday themed). If it's not important enough for Superman, I won't be bothered celebrating it.

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