Life sucks.

My health care situation has me depressed. The day after I got the news that my health insurance was useless, I got my premium bill in the mail. Thanks for literally nothing, Blue Cross Blue Shield of Georgia.

Vince Dooley came out in support of Donald Trump yesterday. Maybe it's time for a coaching change. (Of course, I'd probably be just as irritated if Dooley came out to support Hillary. What a shitty election season.)

Mom and I drove past the site for the new Culver's in Newnan. I postulated that I was probably over-excited for their burgers, which probably weren't as good as I remembered. Mom said that if I was badmouthing Culver's I really must be depressed.

Have I mentioned that life sucks?

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If you've been following along at home, you know that after my formal complaint to the Georgia Office of Insurance and Safety Fire Commissioner, my health insurance provider (Blue Cross Blue Shield of Georgia) agreed to allow me to initiate a exemption request to change from my current health insurance plan to something that I could use in a local hospital. Turns out there was a catch: none of my local hospitals accept BCBSGa insurance plans.

As I said last time, Coweta County's Piedmont Newnan Hospital says publicly they take BCBSGa plans, but none that anyone has access to. Piedmont also owns the next closest hospital, Fayette County's Piedmont Fayette Hospital, so that's not an option, either. Neither is Fulton County's Grady Hospital, where all out-of-county residents are required to pay out-of-pocket for all services to be rendered up front. I called Tanner Medical Center in Carroll County and was told that they didn't not accept my current BCBSGa Pathways plan, but they do take OpenAccess plans.

That should be that, I thought. I just need to change to an OpenAccess plan. The BCBSGa representative who had been trying to help me set me straight. She explained that Tanner Medical Center, like Piedmont, didn't actually take any modern OpenAccess plans. She cushioned that blow with the statement, "Our records indicate that Tanner Medical Center does have an open contract with us for the Pathways plan, but" — wait for it — "if they are telling you that they won't process claims against that plan, we can't make them." Sigh.

Before I could even ask if I could be placed on a grandfathered OpenAccess plan that might be useful to me, she volunteered, "If we offered it to you, we'd have to offer it to everyone." She has a point. It would defeat the whole purpose of health insurance to offer anyone a plan they could actually use.

So in the end, I decided to keep my current plan, at least for the time being. Theoretically, it will help me if I end up in an auto accident on my way to a football game in Athens, GA. Maybe by the time open enrollment rolls around in November, my local hospitals will have figured out what health insurance plans they will actually accept. I won't hold my breath. I can't afford to risk passing out and being sent to a hospital.

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I often complain that the local newspaper has too little content to justify its 5-day publishing schedule. This fact was evidenced on Thursday when they ran the same Associated Press article on pages 7A and 9A.

But it was the paper's back page (10A) where things are really noteworthy. The page was headlined by an article about how many awards the Times-Herald has won for advertising in the annual Georgia Press Association's advertising content. (They won 12 first or second place awards from among 19 categories.) The Georgia Press Association is the trade association for Georgia newspapers. Their job is to promote newspapers. This article isn't news; it's salesmanship.

However, even the appearance of advertisements disguised as articles in the newspaper isn't what brings me to the keyboard today. No, that would be this passage in the restaurant inspections further down the same page:

Olive Garden #1658 — was inspected on May 24 and received a score of 99-A. The deduction came from the ladies being stored too closely to the hand wash sink to prevent contamination.

Contamination is bad. That's why I prefer to store my ladies in the freezer.

Keep up the good work, Times-Herald!

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News outlets reported earlier this week that Six Flag Great Adventure had to shut down its newest coaster after riders were stuck for hours. Those riders should be glad that they only got stuck. They were lucky they weren't killed. But maybe that's what they wanted. After all, they were riding a coaster named for a mass murderer.

Six Flags, which has a contract with Warner Brothers to use Looney Tunes and DC Comics licensed properties, has a history of trouble on their Superman themed rides. But at least those rides are named for a hero. The ride that broke this week is named for Batman's nemesis, the Joker, a character with a reputation for killing his own henchmen because he thinks its funny.

Why would you name an amusement park ride after a mass murderer, fictional or otherwise? Despite what the Joker preaches, murder isn't fun! Would you willingly ride the Hannibal Lechter Transport or the Patrick Bateman HyperCoaster? What about riding the Ted Bundy Experience? Eating at the Jeffry Dahmer Cafe? Shopping at the Ed Gein Gift Shop? Would you let your kids?

Hey, Six Flags, just because a character appears in comic books doesn't make him kid friendly. Using a despicable character to build your brand just because he has "name recognition" is the worst kind of crass consumerism that American culture has to offer. If you care so little about context, perhaps you'd welcome having all television police procedurals refer to murder as a "code six flags." Hey, at least that would get your name in front of millions of viewers in prime time. That's all you really care about, right?

I certainly don't want roller coaster riders maimed or injured, but if you get on the Six Flags' Mass Murder Machine, you can't be surprised when it strands you to die in an uncomfortable position. You knew what it was when you got on it.

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Earlier this month, I complained that despite my research, I was trapped in a health insurance plan that I cannot use in my local hospital. To Blue Cross Blue Shield of Georgia's credit, they have responded to my complaint and offered to help me request an exemption to switch to a plan that my local hospital will accept. Lucky day!

Shame on me for thinking it was going to be that easy. I called my local hospital, Piedmont Newnan Hospital, to find out what BCBSGa plans they would take. Their website says they take BCBSGa plans, and when I got someone on the phone, they admitted that's true . . . unless it's a plan I can have.

Quote: "We do take Blue Cross Blue Shield of Georgia HMO/PPO/POS plans except for the 'Pathways' [Affordable Care Act] Marketplace plans or any plans with colors in their names." That means no "blue," "bronze," "silver," or "gold" plans. Guess what? Those disqualifications cover every individual plan that BCBSGa offers. (I've double verified that information.)

So what Blue Cross Blue Shield of Georgia plans does Piedmont accept? Plans that don't exist anymore? Plans that no one can have? If that's the case, why advertise that you take them? What the fuck, Piedmont?

The takeaway is that so long as I stick with BCBSGa, I'm stuck going to a hospital in another county. Or I could change to a different, Piedmont-approved provider and cross my fingers that Piedmont isn't lying about those, too. It sounds like my best course of action is to never to get sick. I'll let you know how that works out.

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When I went to fill my cavity-prevention prescription medicine last month, I was told that my current Blue Cross Blue Shield of Georgia (BCBSGa) insurance plan wouldn't cover any of the cost, so I was forced to pay $21 for a tube of toothpaste. Irritated that my health insurance was providing me no benefit on the one prescription I have, I decided to get some value out of the plan and called my doctor for a physical. "Sorry," the receptionist said, "but we don't take accept your plan." That was news to me.

See, back in October, I was told by BCBSGa that my previous coverage was no longer "ObamaCare" compatible. My old plan was being killed off, and if I took no action, I would automatically be enrolled in a new plan that offered less coverage at a cost increase of 105% of my current premium. Nuts to that, I said.

Like a good little worker bee, I did some research. I looked at alternative plans on the federal healthcare exchange, BCBSGa.com, and a few other websites but not on the federally recommended Georgia Healthcare Exchange because there is no such thing — fuck helping the public, says the current state government, this is about ideals! In the end, I ultimately selected a "Pathway HMO" plan on BCBSGa.com that was nearly identical to the plan that BCBSGa wanted me to take, but without a $30/month out-of-network card. (Why would I need that? I'm a homebody. How often would I be outside of my network?) I ended up paying only an 80% increase in my previous premium. What a deal!

Which brings us back to my former doctor. When I checked in October (and again last week), he is listed as accepting my coverage on the BCBSGa.com "Find a Doctor" website. If you call BCBSGa and ask for a list of doctors who actually take my current plan, as I did on April 29, he's on that list too. However, I have since learned that he was not accepting this plan in October, and he still doesn't. In fact, no doctor working for Piedmont Healthcare does or ever has. That includes the local hospital, Piedmont Newnan Hospital, which despite indicating on its website that it takes Blue Cross Blue Shield HMO insurance, doesn't actually accept my plan. (I confirmed this information only after a telephone call to the hospital in which I was transferred 5 times by people who kept insisting I should ask my lying insurance company instead of Piedmont Healthcare.)

Why am I paying a monthly premium for health insurance for a doctor I can't see and a hospital I can't use and a prescription I have to pay full price for? Why is the information that both the insurance companies and the healthcare providers refer me to inaccurate or misleading? I'm beginning to understand why so many people seem to be willing to vote for Bernie Sanders.

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Taxes are due tomorrow, which means that many, many Americans are knee-deep in financial stress and frustration. Somehow, Atlanta's NPR station, 90.1 WABE, has selected this week for its spring membership drive. I'd say that's some terrible timing, but I guess WABE needs to pay taxes, too.

Sorry, NPR. I'm down about $5,000 right now. Will you take a rain check? Because Uncle Sam sure won't.

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I'm pretty sure Daylight Savings Time was invented just to make my life worse for a few days each spring and fall.

Screw Hitler. If I could travel back in time to kill just one person, it'd be the dick who convinced the government that it was a good idea to keep changing the clocks back and forth each year.

Yes, I know I bitch about this every year. But I'm gonna keep bitching about it every year so long as someone thinks its funny to keep fucking with my alarm clock.

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What is this "Star Wars" I keep hearing about?

I see advertisements for "Star Wars" batteries from Duracell, "Star Wars" jewelry from Kay, "Star Wars" makeup from Covergirl, and "Star Wars" telephone coverage from Verizon. What the hell is "Star Wars" telephone coverage?

Could all this "Star Wars" nonsense happen to have anything to do with a movie coming out in December? A movie so greatly anticipated that it had shattered ticket pre-sales a month before its release date? A movie franchise so valuable that Disney paid four billion-with-a-"b" dollars for the rights to make more? Does the public really have no saturation point for this film franchise?

Hey, I was a kid once, and I liked Star Wars. I really wanted Star Wars toys so I could re-enact my favorite scenes. I don't recall ever wanting "Star Wars" Campbell's Soup or "Star Wars" Coffee Mate or "Star Wars" Trojans that glow in the dark like a stubby little lightsaber.

I'm left wondering if there is anything that Disney won't license the "Star Wars" name to? I looked. Pepsi, Kraft Macaroni & Cheese, Jelly Belly, Duck Tape. Guitars, underwear, furniture, waffle irons. About the only thing I couldn't find were official Star Wars-licensed condoms (although some clever marketers are exploiting this oversight).I guess Disney has to withhold something for the inevitable sequels.

Thank the maker.

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That blurry picture is my neighbor's house. If you can't tell, that's a Christmas Tree in the window. I post it because this isn't last year's picture. It was taken the day after Halloween!

Last week also saw the release of the annual Christmas issue of Coweta County Magazine. Home Depot has replaced it's bird seed with artificial tinsels. I can't watch a football game without seeing Black Friday advertisements.

When I was a child, it seemed like Christmas would never get here. The entire month of December was spent waiting for Santa's visit. How hellish must the holiday be for today's children who are taunted by visions of sugarplums before they've opened their first piece of Halloween candy?

Christmas has become the bully of holidays, stealing two months from autumn to become the fifth season of the year and demanding that Thanksgiving surrender its milk money. Fuck you, Christmas. Fuck you and the sleigh you rode in on.

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