I watched The Great Muppet Caper for the first time in years recently, and was amazed by several scenes of sophisticated puppetry, notably the bicycle riding scene with Kermit, Piggy, and the entire Muppet retinue. I texted my friend Randy, a Rizzo the Rat fan, wondering how they got those rat puppets to to ride a bike. His answer: "Cheese, you moron."

Dissatisfied and unenlightened, I asked the internet and found director James Frawley's official answer to the question of how he got Kermit to ride a bike in The Muppet Movie: " I put him on a three-wheeler until he got his balance, and then I put him on the two-wheeler." Equally unhelpful.

At last I found a quote from puppeteer Frank Oz about exactly the scene in question: "It's amazing, though, you work and work on the most difficult things and people say, 'That's nice.' Then something easy will occur and it will be all anyone talks about! In the first movie it was Kermit riding a bike. It was very easy to do that. ... That's why we have a whole bicycle parade in this film." So it was easy. Slightly more helpful, but also somehow also slightly more insulting than being called a moron.

The obelisk in 2001: A Space Odyssey, the briefcase in Pulp Fiction, and Muppets riding bicycles. Some things, it seems, mankind was not meant to know.

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I woke up on April Fool's Day to find the following text message:

From: Fike -- Breaking news and i wanted to be the 1st to tell you. Pennington tore his acl playing basketball. You may be free of him for good now

Of course I immediately assumed that Fike was pulling an April Fool's Day prank on me. As you no doubt know, loyal reader, I am no fan of professional quarterback (recently employed by the Miami Dolphins) Chad "Noodle-Arm" Pennington. As I said on August 11, 2008:

It's not that I hate Pennington, I just don't see him as the answer to any of our many questions. He's old, his naturally weak arm is practically nonexistent after several operations, and he was unable to provide enough leadership in New York last year.

Replace "New York" with "Miami" and everything about that above statement is still completely true almost three years later! A joke about the health of Pennington is tailor made to get my goat, and that scumbag Fike knows it. It'd be just like him to ruin my day by getting my hopes up that Pennington was truly finished as a pro quarterback.

However, it seems that maybe I should have given my good friend Fike the benefit of the doubt. Both the Associated Press and the Miami Sun-Sentinel are reporting that Pennington really did injure his ACL in a pickup basketball game on Thursday. Hooray!

Seriously, I do wish Pennington the best possible recovery, but I really, really hope he takes the hints his body is trying to send him and hangs up his cleats for good. The Miami Dolphins don't need his help; they are already bad enough without him on their roster.

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Attention anyone who might find themselves in Douglasville, Georgia! My good friend Randy Fike has opened his latest business venture, Randyland, just in time to avoid the Christmas rush. If you need new cards and gaming supplies or old comics and action figures, Randy is your man.

Why, I was in Randyland just this week, and talk about a selection! I found a complete run of the three-issue Dune mini-series published by Marvel Comics in 1983. It's so old it's new again! Like any good friend, I left those comics on the shelf for the next lucky customers; I did't want to spoil the excitement for all the lucky girls and boys of Douglasville.

DISCLAIMER: Please note that I was NOT asked to design the sign for "Randyland Comic Books Gaming Toys." You may recall that I designed the sign for Randy's last business venture in Newnan in 2008, but not this one. But that's okay. I never could have come up with anything that cherry. Besides, I designed his website, which is about as much awesome as any one store needs.

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Six days ago, I insinuated that anyone who wore a pair of those "Man of Steel" briefs must frequent hookers. One of my readers took umbrage with my statement and sent me the following image as proof:

I stand by my statement.

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A friend of mine opened a new toy store in "Historic Downtown" Newnan, GA. Of course, I was asked to design the logo for the Full Circle storefront.

I'm rather pleased with the way it turned out. Even if it wasn't my first choice for the design, it fit his needs and looks plenty dapper enough, if I do say so myself. (What's that you say about the London Underground roundel? You'll have to speak up, I can't hear you.)

And while the name "Full Circle" isn't quite as... um, powerful as the name used by a certain frame shop in nearby "Historic Downtown" Carrollton, GA, at least Full Circle doesn't have to put out any redundant banners to supplement it's signage. And no, I don't know why all the nearby downtown areas -- including Griffin, LaGrange, and Warm Springs -- are all "historic," it's just something I've learned to live with.

"Picture Framing" at a "frame shop"? I'm glad that they explained that, otherwise I might have embarrassed myself trying to purchase a false accusation. Will those silly Oans never learn?

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Say, you remember that co-worker that I mentioned the other day, the one who received the award? He's been on my back about posting him holding a sign identifying him as a schmuck, by the way. What a schmuck.

Well, yesterday he was named Employee of the Month at his company for the umpteenth consecutive month. I had to spend the day listening to other people who work in the office building congratulate him on his "accomplishment." Listen, people, he's Employee of the Month because he's the only one working there. (I'm merely temp help.)

You can't tell him that, though. All this praise is going straight to his big head. Why, at lunch today, I swear he told me that he deserves a raise. Can you believe that? Now he's too good for $6 an hour! What nerve!

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I had a crappy day. I woke up very early (for me), paid to gas up my car ($50!), and drove to work where I spent the better part of 8 hours arguing with an Apple Mac that had none of the software to complete any of the tasks that I was given. (I once thought that Macs sucked. They are worse than that, they're evil. What designer decided "let's see what we can make those monkeys do with just one button!"?) When the software was right, the hardware was wrong. In those rare cases where the software and hardware were in alignment, some other piece of critical information was missing. All around fun, I tell you.

Meanwhile, my co-worker was busy appearing in the local business center newsletter and receiving praise for the "great job" he's doing. Schmuck. I've known this guy for almost 20 years, and I can count the number of pictures I've seen of him on one hand. I was beginning to think that he was a vampire. But you give him one Certificate of Merit, and he starts mugging for the camera like he's won Publishers Clearing House. Gee whiz. Maybe you can teach an old dog new tricks.

Anyway, I've decompressed by spending the last few hours watching humorous and notable game show clips on Youtube. If I've learned one thing, it's that Drew Carey will never be Bob Barker, no, siree, Bob.

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Last month, I received a signed book from a friend's employer, one of the world's foremost authorities on Superhero Mego figures. This month, I'm working for another friend's employer, one of the world's foremost authorities on Coca-Cola bottles.

This week's moral is "learn more about something than anyone else, and someday maybe you, too, can meet me." (Sorry, no autographs.)

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As an FYI, I've spent the better part of the past week (the part not occupied with moving or the Super Bowl) sorting Magic the Gathering cards for my high school friend Randy Fike. Randy and I go way back, and we were once roommates, though never previously were we co-workers. Anyway, Randy keeps bitching that I never mention him here in my blog. (Even though he only rarely visits Wriphe.com, as my pitiful hit statistics can attest.) So this post is to fulfill his request, keep Randy happy, and keep Walter employed. Mission accomplished.

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The Reign of Kurse has ended. (This time, Kurse lost, to his disappointment.) All the chapters are online.
Randy Fike, a friend of mine from High School, is needling me because his name does not appear anywhere on this site. Well, now it does.

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