As I drink my wake-up coffee (because I'm old enough now that I need extra caffeine just to get out of bed), I'm watching the parade for the UGA Bulldogs football team in Athens in the frigid weather.

I was offered my usual seats in Sanford Stadium for the celebration, but I declined. If I wouldn't go out in the pandemic to watch the Bulldogs play football in person this year, I'm certainly not going to go watch them NOT play football.

Obviously, tens of thousands of people are unlike me. If going 40 years between titles brings this many people this much joy, perhaps it would be best if they always went that long between championships. Compare Georgia's current hundred thousand plus to the estimated fifteen thousand Alabama fans in Tuscaloosa last year after Saban won his sixth title in twelve years. There aren't many parades when your report card says "meets expectations."

I'm glad the Dawgs won, and I'm glad it brings people happiness. Just enjoy what we've got while we have it, Dawg fans.

This sure is good coffee.

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This guy has been waiting impatiently in my basement since Georgia lost the SEC Championship.

Now that UGA has finally won their first National Championship since 1980, I think it's finally time to put him out on the curb... immediately after the game ended at midnight.

Beware of the Dawgs!

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When I was a kid, September was my favorite month, because that was the month I got Birthday presents. When I was in college, July was my favorite month, because that was the month where I had the run of campus. But I'm starting to think that November is my favorite month, because it looks like this:

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Ah! I remembered what I forgot on Thursday!

I was going to mention that I have now eaten at Wishbone Fried Chicken.

That might seem like a strange thing to say in 2021, considering that the Wishbone Fried Chicken franchise went defunct decades ago.

"Captain Wishbone" advertisement appearing The Red and Black, November 13, 1969

Wishbone Fried Chicken was founded in 1960 by Atlantic Company, formerly Atlantic Ice and Coal Co. which had been created from a merger of three other companies in 1903 by one Ernest Woodruff, the man who bought Coca-Cola from Asa Candler. After a series of more mergers and name changes, Atlantic Jackson-Atlantic Munford Inc. — ultimately re-named by CEO Dillard Munford in honor of the company president, Dillard Munford — had as many as 102 Wishbone locations being run out of Atlanta in 1971, some of which were located inside Munford's own Majik Market convenience stores. (Franchisee solicitations claim there were 57 total Wishbones franchisees in 8 states in 1973.) After selling out to corporate raiders in 1988, Munford (the company, not the man) was declared bankrupt in 1990, and its assets were liquidated or shuttered. The refrigeration company was spun-off to become Americold, which still exists. Wishbone Fried Chicken doesn't.

But the location just a block off the court square in Newnan, Georgia, on the same lot it has occupied since 1970, perseveres with its original signage and franchise signature triangular potato cakes in pecks and barrels. The store has a rabid local following which always intimidated me, though I can now understand why its fans are so committed. They serve some pretty darn good fried chicken, even if "un-greasy" is not exactly how I would describe it.

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Every Batman fan worth his salt knows "The Joker's Comedy of Errors!", better known as "The Joker's Boner" story. Originally presented in Batman #66, Aug/Sep 1951, it can be summed up in one panel:

This is but one of 6 "boner" newspaper headlines in this story.

If you haven't read the story or you struggle with context clues, you might find it helpful to know that my trusty 1977 Webster's New Twentieth Century Dictionary of the English Language Unabridged defines "boner" thusly:

bōn´ẽr, n. a stupid or silly blunder. [Slang.]

As Batman #66 proves, newspaper editors love boners. Which brings us to the point of today's post.

In order to fill column space As a public service, The Newnan Times-Herald newspaper reprints food inspection reports from county restaurants. It's usually a lot of repeated warnings that store managers aren't checking the mold levels in their ice machines. (Come on, guys! It's right there in the Georgia Department of Public Health Rules and Regulations, Chapter 511-6-1-.05-7-b-5-iv-II!)

This month, in honor of Independence Day, the paper rewarded loyal readers by giving our local hot dog stand a boner of its own:

Oysters really are an aphrodisiac!

For the record, the restaurant calls itself "The Half Shell Oyster Bar & Hot Dog Shop." Rumor has it their menu was selected because the city wouldn't let them install an oven in their original location downtown, so they chose items they could cook with steam. (Welcome to Newnan!)

I've never had the oysters, but the chili dogs *are* pretty exciting.

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Sunday was just winding down when I got a call at 7:10 PM from the Newnan Police Department. Someone, it seems, had driven into the front of the commercial building my family owns downtown.

The building sits facing a traffic light (at a t-junction), and someone ran straight through the light into the steps. The officer tells me that the driver was unharmed. I'm really only surprised that in the roughly 3/4-century that the building has been there, this hasn't happened before.

It's been a rough 2021 for the building. A tree that was knocked down in a recent storm last month. (It actually was toppled in a windstorm the week *after* the tornado.) The tree fell away from the building, but its roots tore up the asphalt and tore up the fence and the neighbor's awning. For the record, no one was harmed in that accident, either.

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It has been announced that the University of Georgia and the University of Louisville are now scheduled to play football against one another in the years 2026 and 2027. It's always big news when UGA plays a team from a so-called "Power Five" conference that isn't the SEC, but this one is particularly interesting.

A bit of history: UGA and Louisville were supposed to play football in one another's stadiums during the 2011 and 2012 seasons, but that deal got bought out by the Chick-fil-A Kickoff Game so that UGA would be free to play in 2011 vs Boise State (which I did not attend and Boise State won). UGA did eventually play Louisville — for the first and, to-date, only time — in the 2014 Belk Bowl (which I attended and UGA won).

You might think that this news of a home-and-home series against Louisville would be great news for me, a Georgia season ticket holder. But I'll probably get to see it the same way most of America will: from my couch.

Georgia is already scheduled to play one game against a non-SEC Power Five school in each of the next five years, but none of those will be in Athens. In fact, most of those are already scheduled for neutral sites, just like the Chick-fil-A Kickoff Classic or the Belk Bowl. It's a safe bet that by the time we get to 2027, the Louisville game will be moved elsewhere to capture those television contract big bucks — or maybe outright canceled as it was in 2011.

The point of all this is my message that if UGA wants to win, they should hold the game somewhere I will be in attendance.

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Coca-Cola's response to Georgia's passage of the Election Integrity Act of 2021 ("Statement from James Quincey [Chairman and CEO] on Georgia Voting Legislation," April 1, 2021) opened with this sugar-free, caramel-coloring deficient statement:

"We want to be crystal clear and state unambiguously that we are disappointed in the outcome of the Georgia voting legislation."

Georgia Republican House Caucus response to Coca-Cola's response to their new law (excerpt from "House of Representatives letter to Coca-Cola Company," April 3, 2021):

"Given Coke's choice to cave to the pressure of an out of control cancel culture, we respectfully request all Coca-Cola Company products be removed from our office suite immediately."

Three things:

1. Nothing says you're taking a stand against "out of control cancel culture" like canceling something that you disagreed with.

2. Why would anyone expect Coca-Cola to be happy about the new law when it expressly makes it illegal to give someone a Coke and/or a smile?

(Election Integrity Act of 2121, Section 33: Said chapter is further amended by revising subsections (a) and (e) of Code Section 21-2-414, relating to restrictions on campaign activities and public opinion polling within the vicinity of a polling place, cellular phone use prohibited, prohibition of candidates from entering certain polling places, and penalty, as follows: (a) No person shall solicit votes in any manner or by any means or method, nor shall any person distribute or display any campaign material, nor shall any person give, offer to give, or participate in the giving of any money or gifts, including, but not limited to, food and drink, to an elector, nor shall any person solicit signatures for any petition, nor shall any person, other than election officials discharging their duties, establish or set up any tables or booths on any day in which ballots are being cast: (1) Within 150 feet of the outer edge of any building within which a polling place is established; (2) Within any polling place; or (3) Within 25 feet of any voter standing in line to vote at any polling place.)

3. Enjoy your Pepsi, boys. You've earned it.

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By the time you read this, you probably will have heard about the EF3ish tornado that roared through downtown Newnan, Georgia at midnight. Know that my family and I are fine and feeling very, very fortunate.

UPDATE 2021-03-29: Still no estimate on when Internet might be restored. They're still working on digging out downtown. Rumor had it that the high school might have to be bulldozed, but they've decided to try and save it. Hooray?

UPDATE 2021-03-30: Back online! The utility company says that in three neighborhoods they will have to rebuild their network essentially from scratch. That's terrible. Ours was only out for four days, and I was already suffering intense withdrawal.

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