Lessons comics taught me:

Wonder Woman #178 (1968)

How *not* to pick up women.

Hashtag Woke

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Earlier today, I got curious about who was the big brain who came up with the blockbuster Fortnite (a free video game which literally makes billions of dollars every year by selling players digital costumes and weapons). I only got the first word out when Google decided to "help" me by guessing what I was going to type.

Needless to say, Google guessed very, very wrong.

I know, Google! *sigh* I fucking know.

(Actually, I already know the answer to all those guesses, though I'm not sure whether the last is a reference to dead billionaire or the Sweathog from Welcome Back, Kotter. Given my search history, it could be either.)

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Mid-season update on Operation Fish Tank: the winless Miami Dolphins were on target in their quest for the first pick in the 2020 Draft until they ran into the one-win New York Jets. The resulting contest was a sad parody of what football is supposed to be.

Coach Brian Flores's season-long compromise between his competitive nature and his owner's desire for Tua Tagavailoa has been to score as many points as possible in the first half then stop playing after halftime. That strategy finally failed him. It's hard to blame him here, as how could anyone expect the Jets to be better at the same tactic? Both teams tried forcing a safety on the other, but the Jets' incompetence could not be overcome.

There are now 4 teams with one win, and the Cinncinnati Bengals lie alone at the bottom of the pile as the only remaining winless team. The Dolphins aren't even in second place among the tied-for-second teams. The NFL uses strength of schedule for draft tiebreakers, and the worst team with the hardest road is the Atlanta Falcons. (Echos of "28-3" continues to resonate.)

(UPDATE 2019-11-05: Oops. I misunderstood that tiebreaker. That should be the worst team with the *easiest* strength of schedule, which isn't Atlanta but Washington. Dolphins still in third, though.)

So here we are at the halfway point of the 2019 season, and it looks like the Miami Dolphins have scrapped all the talent on their team and endured a horrible, losing season... for the third overall pick. At least Atlanta isn't likely to take a QB, right? Right?

Way to find a way to lose at losing, Fins.

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As if being pegged by a dodgeball wasn't bad enough...

Thanks for nothing, Aldi.

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Contrary to what you might have read, I do watch movies that aren't Hallmark movies.

168. (1607.) The Quiller Memorandum (1966)
Another Cold War spy movie that is long on drama/suspense yet light on action. That works to its advantage, especially considering the delightfully gray ending. (How did George Segal start his career with roles like these and end his career on sitcoms? That guy has range.)

169. (1608.) The Emoji Movie (2017)
Critics railed against this movie, calling it among the worst ever made. I don't think it's *that* bad, but it is too little material spread too thinly over some poorly-thought-out scenes with a moral that makes no sense given the initial premise. In summary: Meh.

172. (1611.) Brother John (1971)
I read online someone called this the "blackest film ever." It's a fitting description. Silent, judgy Sidney Poitier is a, what, an angel? An alien? I watched this twice, and I still don't know. I really enjoyed guessing, though. I'd watch it a third time.

The movie takes place in a small Alabama town filled with racists and rapists. Almost everyone is knee-deep in petty sin. It's a weird place to put so much Coca-Cola product placement.

You can't see it here, but there's even a Coca-Cola clock on the wall behind Bradford Dillman.

173. (1612.) The Three Musketeers (1921)
Damn, d'Artagnan was a total dick in this silent adaptation by Douglas Fairbanks (in the role of... d'Artagnan). There's a lot of fun in the swordplay, so it's not a total loss.

174. (1613.) Belladonna of Sadness (1973)
I can sum this animated film up with three letters: W.T.F. In a slightly longer summary, it's about a young wife in medieval Europe who is raped by nobility on her wedding day, discovers she likes sex (a lot), and eventually makes a deal with the devil to... have more sex, I guess? Her endgame isn't exactly clear. She's burned at the stake, and the French Revolution happens. The end. Seriously bonkers. Some of the animation is quite impressive, though.

175. (1614.) Riders to the Stars (1954)
To prove that space travel is feasible, three men are launched into space to find out why metal fatigues so quickly outside of the Earth's atmosphere only to discover that the human mind is the most fragile material of all. Reading that back, I realize that sentence is far better than the movie itself. Avoid.

More to come.

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Mom got a deal on some Day of the Dead hand towels at TJ Maxx, so she decided we'd be decorating in that style for Halloween this year.

This is the door hanger I made for her.

Cultural appropriation at its finest!

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I watch so many Hallmark Mystery movies these days, I should make them their own list. And I will.

148. (1587.) Aurora Teagarden Mysteries: A Game of Cat and Mouse (2019)
157. (1596.) Aurora Teagarden Mysteries: An Inheritance to Die For (2019)
167. (1606.) Aurora Teagarden Mysteries: A Very Foul Play (2019)
Miss Teagardern is the mystery detective I most enjoy hate watching. That nosy librarian has it coming. The worst of it is that her mystery stories tend to be some of the best put together. Grr!

171. (1610.) Mystery 101: Words Can Kill (2019)
177. (1616.) Mystery 101: Dead Talk (2019)
On the other hand, this series about a writing professor specializing in mystery fiction tends to have painfully bad resolutions. Solvable, yes, but the methods the protagonists use to prove their theories violate so many laws themselves. So frustrating.

176. (1615.) Death Al Dente: A Gourmet Detective Mystery (2016)
184. (1623.) Eat, Drink & Be Buried: A Gourmet Detective Mystery (2017)
Probably because the lead detective in this series is actually a police woman, these mysteries often feel a little more procedural than some of the rest of their kin. Comparatively, only the barest lip service is paid to the "gourmet" aspects. Food and the restaurant business are rarely more than set dressing.

180. (1619.) Ruby Herring Mysteries: Her Last Breath (2019)
The first Ruby Herring was boring and badly cast. They fixed both problems in this second installment by focusing on Ruby's family, friends, and love interests and recasting John Wesley Shipp as her father. I look forward to more.

181. (1620.) Deadly Deed: A Fixer Upper Mystery (2018)
Yeah, this is the series with Jewel playing a handywoman who also solves mysteries. And sings. Her beau is Maytag Man Colin Ferguson playing a true crime writer. (So many of these shows feature writers. Apparently mystery writers lead very exciting lives.) I don't know any of their character names, but that's not very important. The strength of these is based on the actors' charisma, and they have plenty.

170. (1609.) Witness to Murder: A Darrow Mystery (2019)
The Darrow and Darrow series is my favorite, mostly because I like the actors. Kimberly Williams has always been a favorite. More, please.

More to come.

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Do you love fantasy? Do you love playing mobile games on your smartphone? Do you love supporting programmers who need to pay expensive veterinarian bills for an aging poodle?

Then have I got something for you!

Cutthroat Canverns, the competitive cooperative multiplayer dungeon crawling card game is now a single player phone app coded by yours truly.

It's available for purchase for $4.99 via Google Play and Apple App Store.

Thanks for your support.

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