Showing 1 - 10 of 41 posts found matching keyword: trumps america

It's that time of year again: time for the health insurance scramble!

I haven't spent so much as a penny against my health insurance in the past year, so of course they are increasing my monthly premium by 28%. Thankfully, I only get older one year at a time. At this rate, I'll be paying $2500/mo when I turn 50. It's getting too expensive to live!

The good news is that America's Greatest President followed through on his campaign promise to make my health insurance much more affordable by allowing me to have no health insurance at all. What a great guy. He really cares!

I went on healthcare.gov to see what my options were, but the site doesn't work in Google Chrome because of Chrome's new, extra-strict security rules. Apparently, Google thinks the federal government's approach to health care for its citizens is just another scam. I'm pretty sure they're right.

I shouldn't complain too much. They tell me my current plan is pretty good, and for the first time in 3 years, it isn't being discontinued out from underneath me. So I'll probably pay the extra premium and stick with it for another year. No matter what Our Fearless Leader thinks, $200 more a month still seems a better option than letting my insides rot out.

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Treat?

Give it to Mikey. He'll eat shit!

Why is it so happy?

I'll swallow your soul!

Or Trick?

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Life in America, 2018 (a one-act play):

Interior, Den — Day

FATHER and WALTER (son) sit across a table from one another.

WALTER (to Father)

It was reported this week that the President's cell phone is tapped by Russia and China. Trump's reply, that the story must be fake news because he rarely uses cellphones, came by way of a tweet he sent from his iPhone.

FATHER (to Walter)

You're looking for something to criticize. You only ever talk about the bad things he does.

WALTER

Okay, fine. We'll talk about something good he's done. Go ahead, name something good.

FATHER

. . .

Father closes his eyes as though thinking but says nothing.

Hold for sixty seconds.

Father begins to snore.

Curtain

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I must be earning a reputation. I now have friends sending me pics of poo whenever they're spotted in the wild.

A 4-foot pile of shit should come with a doctor's warning

Thank you, Brian. If anything ever deserved to be on clearance at Wal-Mart, it's a toy based on everyone's favorite Caddyshack scene.

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This pep talk might carry a little more weight if it didn't come from a man dressed like a bat
"Batman and Robin stand up for Sportsmanship" PSA from National Comics Publications cover-dated February/March 1950

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Found in the lobby of my local grocery store:

I can't believe she's wearing that shit

This crappy machine is, in fact, in the same grocery store as before. I'm starting to think I shouldn't shop there anymore.

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At 5:15 PM yesterday, CNN was airing the news conference held by a deputy United States Attorney to explain the eight federal charges Michael Cohen pleaded guilty to, including Cohen's admission that heintentionally violated campaign finance laws "at the direction" of then-candidate Donald Trump.

At the exact same time on Fox News, Greg Gutfield was telling his audience that Cohen's guilty pleas were no big deal, since Cohen hadn't admitted to collusion with Russia.

I hate to admit it, but I can see where Gutfield is coming from.

Who would have thought that in 2018 a colleague of the United States President admitting to breaking the law to hide one of that President's many extra-marital affairs doesn't seem like front page news?

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Chapter seven of child psychologist Fredric Wertham's infamous 1953 book Seduction of the Innocent is titled "I Want To Be a Sex Maniac: Comic Books and the Psycho Sexual Development of Children." Can you guess what it's about?

At the close of that chapter, after explaining how Batman and Robin "help fixate homoerotic tendencies" in young boys, he warns that young girls have similar examples.

The Lesbian counterpart of Batman may be found in the stories of Wonder Woman and Black Cat. The homosexual connotation of the Wonder Woman type of story is psychologically unmistakable. (pg 192)

To drive home his point, Wertham specifically calls out this panel from "Mr. Zero and the Juvenile Delinquent" in Black Cat #27, 1951:

What boy would want a girl in lingerie in his bedroom?

If I squint hard enough, I guess I can see where he was coming from. What girl would want to sleep with child abusing premature ejaculators named "Crowface"?

Wertham goes on to complain about another page in the same issue headlined "Black Cat Shows You How To Do Judo Tricks," a step-by-step guide to self-defense tips in the unusually specific case when "a gunman should surprise you from the rear and you don't feel the gun muzzle against you." Look out, girls! If you act in self-defense against gunmen, you might be a lesbian!

Even if I was inclined to believe that reading stories about Batman hanging out in a cave with his young ward encouraged little boys to love Dick — that's a Robin joke! — I remain unconvinced that empowering young girls to fight back against gangsters is the first step on the slippery slope towards tribadism.

I'm not going to say that Wertham was wrong about everything. He makes a good case that American superhero comics books were (and still are) incredibly, perhaps irredeemably, violent. However, in hindsight, it's hard to take anyone's word that comics are destroying society when he's overlooking panels like this, also from "Mr. Zero and the Juvenile Delinquent":

Me cringee!

Clearly, in Wertham's 1953 America, homosexuality was bad but racism was just fine. The more things change....

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Not so long ago, conservative columnist Kathleen Parker wrote an editorial for the Washington Post complaining that Donald Trump should not be called "Putin's Poodle." She did not write this because she is a fan of Trump — she very openly considers him an albatross around the neck of the Republican party — but because poodles deserve better than to be called "weak" or "submissive." I couldn't agree more.

In fact, I wrote a similar editorial myself about a decade ago.

If you don't recall, in the winter of 2003, British Prime Minister Tony Blair was called "America's Poodle" for blindly supporting George W. Bush's push to invade Iraq in search of weapons of mass destruction. (Remember W? Remember when we thought he was the worst president in American history? Ah, the good old days!) That led to the University of Georgia student newspaper, The Red & Black, to run this editorial cartoon:

The British Bulldog represents Tony Blair, all bark with no bite. The poodle represents France, a vocal critic of the US/UK plan to invade Iraq. And the guy in the stove-pipe hat represents Colonel Sanders.

My response, which was more a reaction to an overreaction to the previous day's editorial cartoon than a reaction to this cartoon itself, read as follows:

Poodles no often angry or mean dogs. As a proud owner of a poodle, I found Mack Williams' portrayal of the snarling poodle in the editorial cartoon on Thursday to be deeply offensive. Obviously Williams has never even met a dog of the poodle breed or he would not so callously depict them as aggressive or mean-spirited. Poodles may tend to be high-strung but never, to my knowledge, are they malicious or cruel as Williams' dog with a curled lip and a ferocious accent implies. Anyone familiar with the breed would agree that poodles are loyal, good-humored animals deserving of our love, not our spite. To take the poodle breed so badly out of context in his cartoon dictates to me that Williams is indeed a twisted mind with no respect for anything decent in this world. It seems to me the truly rabid creature with the foaming mouth is not the libeled poodle, but Williams himself. WALTER STEPHENS, Staff, Athens, Administrative Secretary Lamar Dodd School of Art

I assure you, that was written with tongue firmly in cheek. Something tells me that Kathleen Parker was being a little more serious.

(You can see responses to my editorial in the blog post I wrote on Christmas Day 2006.)

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I'm sorry that there has been no post in the past few days. Coca-Cola announced that President Trump's indiscriminate aluminum tariffs are raising the price of soft drinks. As a result, I've been in mourning.

Forget P.O.W. bashing, pussy grabbing, and an inability to tell the truth about anything. When you fuck with Coca-Cola, you're fucking with America.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm out to stock up on apple pie and baseball before things get worse.

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To be continued...

 

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