Showing 1 - 10 of 44 posts found matching keyword: trumps america

Louis Vuitton is a well known French luxury fashion brand famous for their expensive purses like the Artsy MM:

a bag for your shit

That purse retails for $2,000, which explains why they are such a common target for counterfeiters. Therefore, the company is unusually aggressive about taking legal action against perceived violators of their valuable brand. That's why they sent MGA Entertainment Inc. a cease and desist letter over MGA's top-selling toy, the Poopsie Pooey Puitton.

a shit bag

According to Amazon.com, Poopsie Pooey Puitton contains 12 unicorn food packets. "Just add water to make a rainbow of poop!" Who wouldn't want that? Other than Louis Vuitton, I mean.

In response to Louis Vuitton's bullying, MGA has pre-emptively sued to defend their right for parody speech. The following is a real sentence in a real court filing, per Reuters.

The use of the Pooey name and Pooey product in association with a product line of "magical unicorn poop" is intended to criticize or comment upon the rich and famous, the Louis Vuitton name, the LV marks, and on their conspicuous consumption.

Make a statement about rampant materialism; buy your Poopsie Pooey Puitton today! (Did I mention this product is aimed at 5- to 10-year-olds?)

And that's where we are now. 2019. Year of the magical unicorn poop. At least until Louis Vuitton gets their hands on it. Or gets it on their hands.

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Excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable....

Some shit to stuff your stockings into

These were found in the CVS Christmas aisle, the place you go for gifts that say "I never loved you."

And if a little poo in your shoe isn't enough for you this holiday, try some scat for your hat.

I think you have a little face on your shit

Merry Christmas, everyone!

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This shit isn't even worth 7 dollars

It's portable! Take one everywhere: the office, the park, on the airplane, in your bedroom.... The possibilities are endless.

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It's that time of year again: time for the health insurance scramble!

I haven't spent so much as a penny against my health insurance in the past year, so of course they are increasing my monthly premium by 28%. Thankfully, I only get older one year at a time. At this rate, I'll be paying $2500/mo when I turn 50. It's getting too expensive to live!

The good news is that America's Greatest President followed through on his campaign promise to make my health insurance much more affordable by allowing me to have no health insurance at all. What a great guy. He really cares!

I went on healthcare.gov to see what my options were, but the site doesn't work in Google Chrome because of Chrome's new, extra-strict security rules. Apparently, Google thinks the federal government's approach to health care for its citizens is just another scam. I'm pretty sure they're right.

I shouldn't complain too much. They tell me my current plan is pretty good, and for the first time in 3 years, it isn't being discontinued out from underneath me. So I'll probably pay the extra premium and stick with it for another year. No matter what Our Fearless Leader thinks, $200 more a month still seems a better option than letting my insides rot out.

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Treat?

Give it to Mikey. He'll eat shit!

Why is it so happy?

I'll swallow your soul!

Or Trick?

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Life in America, 2018 (a one-act play):

Interior, Den — Day

FATHER and WALTER (son) sit across a table from one another.

WALTER (to Father)

It was reported this week that the President's cell phone is tapped by Russia and China. Trump's reply, that the story must be fake news because he rarely uses cellphones, came by way of a tweet he sent from his iPhone.

FATHER (to Walter)

You're looking for something to criticize. You only ever talk about the bad things he does.

WALTER

Okay, fine. We'll talk about something good he's done. Go ahead, name something good.

FATHER

. . .

Father closes his eyes as though thinking but says nothing.

Hold for sixty seconds.

Father begins to snore.

Curtain

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I must be earning a reputation. I now have friends sending me pics of poo whenever they're spotted in the wild.

A 4-foot pile of shit should come with a doctor's warning

Thank you, Brian. If anything ever deserved to be on clearance at Wal-Mart, it's a toy based on everyone's favorite Caddyshack scene.

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This pep talk might carry a little more weight if it didn't come from a man dressed like a bat
"Batman and Robin stand up for Sportsmanship" PSA from National Comics Publications cover-dated February/March 1950

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Found in the lobby of my local grocery store:

I can't believe she's wearing that shit

This crappy machine is, in fact, in the same grocery store as before. I'm starting to think I shouldn't shop there anymore.

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At 5:15 PM yesterday, CNN was airing the news conference held by a deputy United States Attorney to explain the eight federal charges Michael Cohen pleaded guilty to, including Cohen's admission that heintentionally violated campaign finance laws "at the direction" of then-candidate Donald Trump.

At the exact same time on Fox News, Greg Gutfield was telling his audience that Cohen's guilty pleas were no big deal, since Cohen hadn't admitted to collusion with Russia.

I hate to admit it, but I can see where Gutfield is coming from.

Who would have thought that in 2018 a colleague of the United States President admitting to breaking the law to hide one of that President's many extra-marital affairs doesn't seem like front page news?

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To be continued...

 

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