In 1985, Coca-Cola unleashed New Coke on an unsuspecting world. It didn't go well, the kind of not well that still gets taught as a cautionary tale to MBA students. To their credit, the Coca-Cola Company learned from that debacle and quickly buried New Coke under the basement, never to be tasted again. Until now.

New Coke is now for sale as part of the "New Coke and Stranger Things 1985 Limited Edition Collectors Pack" at cokestore.com for the conspicuous price of $19.85.

Coca-Cola's advertising budget is the stuff of legends. They support everything from little leagues to summer blockbusters. They're so powerful, they practically created Santa Claus just to sell more soda. That they would work with the popular Netflix Stranger Things streaming show is no aberration. But that they are willing to revisit the worst decision in their business history to do so... that takes a special level of masochism you won't find in your average multi-national corporation. It's admirable, in a twisted sort of way.

I just hope the decision doesn't come back to bite them. There are two generations of Americans who have never had the misfortune to taste New Coke who might now try to catch the nostalgic wave. That can't go well. Kids these days drink fewer soft drinks than my generation did, so it might not be a good idea to give them another reason to walk away from a Coke machine.

Take my word for it, kids. New Coke tastes bad. Enjoy it ironically, if you must, but for your own sake, do so from a distance. Not all oldies are golden.

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According to every media broadcast I've heard for the past week, something called Game of Thrones is starting its final season on Sunday night. Good riddance.

Yes, I have seen an episode. Exactly one, in fact. I saw the first episode back when it first aired. (It feels like that was sometime last century.) I hated every character in it and decided I wasn't interested in spending any more time with any of those rat bastards. I hear most of them died by the end of season one. Good riddance.

I distinctly recall that the finale of the last zeitgeist-capturing HBO series, The Sopranos, had disappointed fans crying foul. I look forward to the inevitable media blitz of disappointment over The Thrones Game failures. Good riddance!

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Believe it or not, I listened to the State of the Union speech live last night. Listened. Didn't watch. The difference is amazing.

Listening to him speak, I can understand how a significant portion of the country could believe the current White House occupant as he counted down the many, many ways that he, personally, all by himself, has made America the single greatest country in world history, a greatness that is as strong as he is yet fragile enough that it is in imminent danger of being destroyed by busloads of Mexicans. He genuinely sounded like he believed most of what he said, so why shouldn't we?

Answer: We shouldn't because most of it was made up lies. But if all you ever listened to was him or his echo chamber, you wouldn't know that.

Which reminds me of the Star Trek episode "Plato's Stepchildren," in which the starship Enterprise is being held hostage by an alien dictator who promises to make Dr. McCoy's dreams come true if he's willing to betray his crewmates. The dictator talks a good game, and McCoy is willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good until Captain Kirk points out that the dictator is a vain lying liar. McCoy's mistake was in taking the dictator's own word for how awesome he was and what great plans he had for everyone, if only they could keep the rabble out.

We could all stand to pay a little more attention to Captain Kirk.

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Not so long ago I went to YouTube looking for the opening to the first season of Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, which I consider to be the greatest opening in the history of television. Cheers is second, but I really dig Buck's building orchestral march while Gil Gerard falls through a stack of vinyl records. Rock on!

It turns out that the season 1 opener (featuring Cannon's William Conrad voiceover) — which is distinctly different from the season 2 opener (featuring Quinn Martins' Hank Sims voiceover) — is kind of hard to find. I assume that's because Universal has some sort of problem with people seeing the best part of Buck Rogers for free.

My search wasn't entirely fruitless. While I was looking, I found this video which is reportedly the intro used by the movie in its original theatrical release. Like the original Battlestar Galactica, which also was released to theaters (and also created by Glen Larson), Buck Rogers debuted on the big screen in 1979. (Everyone was chasing that Star Wars money.) This James Bond-themed opening is nuts, but I have to say, Henry Silva is better looking than I remember.

Anyway. I finally found the season 1 opener on Vimeo. I expect Universal will get around to ruining that, too, eventually.

Meanwhile, Wikipedia has documented the text of all three narrations PLUS the slightly different narration used when the movie re-aired as the pilot television episode. Because the Internet, as storehouse of the sum knowledge of humanity, would be incomplete without that. Thank the maker!

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Patrick Reed won the Masters golf tournament in Augusta this past weekend. I wasn't familiar with Reed, so I Googled him.

Something tells me that's not the Jimmy Walker that people watching the Masters were searching for. (At least not since 1974.)

Second question: Are those really the best expressions of Marc Leishman and Henrik Stenson that Google can come up with?

Good times, man, good times.

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From Batman "Hizzoner the Penguin" (November 2, 1966) by way of BullysComics.Blogspot.com

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Transcript of actual telephone conversation between father and son:

FATHER

I'm just calling to remind you that Battle Bots is coming on television tonight on the Science Channel.

WALTER

I did not know that. I don't get the Science Channel.

FATHER

Of course you do. You've seen Battle Bots before.

WALTER

Yes, I have. And I liked it. But it didn't used to come on the Science Channel.

FATHER

Do you get the National Geographic Channel?

WALTER

Yes.

FATHER

The Science Channel is right next to that.

WALTER

I don't have the same cable provider you do. We're not even in the same state.

FATHER

Science Channel is 244 on DirecTV.

WALTER

I don't have DirecTV.

FATHER

Oh, well. I was just trying to help. You know intention is what counts.

WALTER

Are you saying that if the son of the President of the United States intended to collude with Russia, he's guilty even if he didn't successfully collude with Russia?

FATHER

Well, Hillary Clinton —

WALTER

What does Hillary Clinton have to do with any of this?

FATHER

What can I say? Some people are brainwashed.

. . .

One of the two of us should be committed. I'm still not sure which.

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I'm a night person, and I'm usually still working when Last Call with Carson Daly wraps up and NBC rolls over to Extra with Mario Lopez. For those of you unfamiliar, Extra is thirty minutes of light celebrity news akin to Entertainment Tonight, The Insider, Access Hollywood, TMZ, or anything that comes on E! or TLC. I rarely change channels because one, I can't feel too old if I know the names of whatever popstar tweens are listening to on Radio Disney these days, and two, there's not a whole lot on TV at 2AM. Besides, it's all harmless fluff. Usually.

In recent months, Extra has been devoting a lot of time to a fellow named Tyler Henry who has a show on E!. Perhaps you've heard of him, though I hope not. Certainly you've heard of other people like him. Jon Edward had a similar show for years on the Sci-Fi channel (back when it was called the Sci-Fi Channel). Teresa Caputo has a similar show on TLC. All of these people claim to be psychic.

Disclaimer: They're all liars.

Extra likes Henry because he specializes in "being psychic" to the stars. My problem with his increasingly frequent appearances on the show — other than thinking that he comes across as a huge douche nozzle — is that they treat him like what he does is a real thing. That's fake news!

Hey, Extra, he's not a psychic, he's an entertainer. "Reality television" should in no way be mistaken for real life. Suspending disbelief is what actors like doing, but that doesn't mean we have to promote every con artist who comes preying. I half expect to see you interviewing a Nigerian prince next week.

Mario, if you want to believe that Henry can talk to your dead grandmother and assure you that she forgives you for buying the cheap casket, I guess that's your prerogative. But encouraging the rubes to confuse "art" and "reality" is how this country ended up with a carnival barker in the White House. So ditch this Henry guy and get back to interviewing models about their love lives. Your grandmother's ghost and I will thank you.

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I think Atlanta Tech Edge is backsliding. From this morning's episode:

HOSTESS, cluelessly: "What is Snapchat?"

GUEST, trying not to visibly wince: "It's, um, an app that was introduced 6 years ago."

It's easy to look down on this show, but it does come on immediately after Face the Nation (the #1-rated Sunday morning news magazine). I don't have a hard time believing that the demographic watching network television at that hour has probably never heard of "the snappy chat." I will try to be less judgmental in the future.

Aw, who am I kidding? Damn Luddites!

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