Wonder Woman Annual #3, October 1992

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Wait just a damn second. Smokey is no father! So whose naked children is he happily spying on in this "officially licensed" scene? Is this a PSA for forest fires or stranger danger?

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Think the Olympics are all about fun and games? Heck, no. They have practical origins.

Police Comics #1, August 1941

You never know when you'll have to harpoon a fleeing pirate!

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Something tells me that three dollars' worth of hang-ups aren't as super as they used to be.

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Every Batman fan worth his salt knows "The Joker's Comedy of Errors!", better known as "The Joker's Boner" story. Originally presented in Batman #66, Aug/Sep 1951, it can be summed up in one panel:

This is but one of 6 "boner" newspaper headlines in this story.

If you haven't read the story or you struggle with context clues, you might find it helpful to know that my trusty 1977 Webster's New Twentieth Century Dictionary of the English Language Unabridged defines "boner" thusly:

ˈbō-nər, n. a stupid or silly blunder. [Slang.]

As Batman #66 proves, newspaper editors love boners. Which brings us to the point of today's post.

In order to fill column space As a public service, The Newnan Times-Herald newspaper reprints food inspection reports from county restaurants. It's usually a lot of repeated warnings that store managers aren't checking the mold levels in their ice machines. (Come on, guys! It's right there in the Georgia Department of Public Health Rules and Regulations, Chapter 511-6-1-.05-7-b-5-iv-II!)

This month, in honor of Independence Day, the paper rewarded loyal readers by giving our local hot dog stand a boner of its own:

Oysters really are an aphrodisiac!

For the record, the restaurant calls itself "The Half Shell Oyster Bar & Hot Dog Shop." Rumor has it their menu was selected because the city wouldn't let them install an oven in their original location downtown, so they chose items they could cook with steam. (Welcome to Newnan!)

I've never had the oysters, but the chili dogs *are* pretty exciting.

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The following strip is as on-the-nose today as it was when the fantastically talented Coleen Coover created it in 2010 — because Batman is timeless.

colleencoover.net

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The Adventures of Kool-Aid Manâ„¢* #1 (1983)

Cherry-flavored armpits. Oh, yeah.

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Lessons comics taught me:

Wonder Woman #178 (1968)

How *not* to pick up women.

Hashtag Woke

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The Super Dictionary has a well-deserved reputation for, shall we say, unusual definitions of words, but the above is not really a page in the Super Dictionary. It's a poster by artist Marco D'Alfonso currently for sale on m7781.storeenvy.com.

I still have my original Super Dictionary on the shelf right in front of me, and I'm sure that its actual definition for "happy" is much less warped.

Never mind. Super Dictionary, you win again!

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From Late Night with Seth Meyers broadcast on September 20. Batman's dick jokes start at 2:28:

HOST SETH MEYERS

DC Comics has put out a new issue of Batman that appears to show Bruce Wayne's penis exposed. I'm not saying it was impressive, but this was the sky tonight:

MEYERS (cont'd)

That's right, DC Comics has put out a new issue of Batman that appears to show Bruce Wayne's penis exposed. Said Batman, "Before you judge, I was fighting Mr. Freeze."

IGN.com reported that Batman's penis was removed from digital copies of Batman: Damned #1 "because it wasn't additive to the story." Well, it added something.

For reference, here's one of several panels containing Li'l Batman after the redaction. Click to toggle the "original" version.

If Batman has been packing hardware like this, no wonder he wears a second pair of trunks over the outside of his pants.

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