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Alex Trebek is on medical leave from Jeopardy! as he recovers from what he called a "slight medical problem." The rest of us call it brain surgery!
Apparently, Trebek was standing on his toilet and hanging a clock. The porcelain was wet. He slipped and hit his head on the sink. When he came to, he had blood clots in his brain! (That's what I heard, anyway.)
Fortunately for us all, Trebek announced he's making a full recovery and will soon be back on set giving answers to questions no one has asked yet. I hope by then, they've covered his podium with bubble wrap.
I'm not ready for a world without the exploits of one George Alexander Trebek, Member of the Order of Canada.
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Those who warned that 2012 would see the end of the world may have been more right than I would have guessed. The world dodged a bullet last week, as Alex Trebek had a heart attack!
Reports say it was a minor heart attack, and he'll be back at work in time to start filming next season's Jeopardy! episodes on schedule. But I consider this a wake-up call. It's time for the world to pull its head out of its ass and put real effort into Trebek conservation.
We shouldn't selfishly consume all of Trebek and deny future generations access to his uniquely endearing smugness. At the very least, we owe it to our children to ensure that there will be Trebek around for years to come!
I call for America's politicians to put aside petty squabbles about universal healthcare and focus on the health of one man that really matters. If we work together, we can ensure a brighter future for all mankind, especially Alex Trebek.*
*Paid for by the Committee To Ensure Eternal Global Jeopardy!
Earlier this week, three years to the day since I ran a blog post substituting him as the comic book hero Sub-Mariner, Alex Trebek injured both of his legs -- including a torn Achilles tendon -- while running down a burgler. Coincidence? (It was also 5 days after his 71st birthday.)
There are two ways to approach this story. Either heroic Alex Trebek was foiled during his valiant attempt to apprehend a crafty purloiner, or septuagenarian Alex Trebek was injured during a bungled try at catching a petty crook. I'm pretty sure you know where I stand on this issue.
I pity the poor contestants in next year's Jeopardy! episodes. "Oh, you ran a marathon? Well, I was in a footrace last year to catch criminals." "Bone marrow transplant, you say? During the surgery to repair my torn ACL, I distracted myself from the pain by giving the surgeon French elocution lessons." "You solved the national debt crisis? When I was in court for burglery, not only was I the expert witness, I was also the arresting officer, bailiff, and court stenographer."
That burgler must not have know from whom she was stealing. Alex Trebek is a national treasure.
I love Jeopardy!, but I'm becoming a bit disenchanted by host Alex Trebek's attitude. Each episode, in my least favorite part of each show, Alex responds to almost every contestant's story with what amounts to a pissing contest about how much bigger, better, stronger Alex's life is than the contestant's.
Yes, Alex, you're no doubt much more learned than all but the most hardcore trivia buffs. Yes, Alex, your status as the television icon of the trivia elite has no doubt provided you with many great experiences. And yes, Alex, your family and lifestyle have created many enriching moments to fulfil your grandest hopes.
But, Alex, when a contestant tells you that she prefers Batman comic books, there's simply no need to respond with, "that's too bad, I like Sub-Mariner."
And just like that, Alex found a way to insult the contestant, Batman, and Aquaman in a single snide comment. You'll pay for this, Trebek.