Christmas is over. I have already bought myself the only present I needed.

Yes, this is a functioning bluetooth-enabled speakerphone.

And no, you'll never talk to me over a normal phone again.

#BeamMeUp

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My aunt's contribution to our Thanksgiving feast included stuffing, chocolate ice cream, and three dozen sugar cookies bought from the Kroger bakery.

The others ate the stuffing and ice cream. I ate the cookies. All of the cookies.

To be honest, I ate too many cookies. I don't know what Kroger put in them, but each was more delicious than the last. I. Just. Couldn't. Stop. Now I'm going through cookie withdrawal.

I thought I was through the worst of it when Mom went grocery shopping today... and returned with another three dozen cookies.

"I came around the aisle," she said, "and there they were, the only cookies on the table. The last batch. They wouldn't have been there if I wasn't supposed to buy them and bring them home for you."

So that's my Mom, who thinks that fate is trying to bring me and cookies together. Fate is not the boss of me! I'm an independent, rational, strong-willed individual. I can resist the allure of a basket of sweet, sweet sugar cookies.

DAMN YOU, COOKIES!

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More movies watched in October:

172. (1401.) Sleepaway Camp (1983)
I think this slasher horror is the movie that inspired Earnest Goes to Camp. I'm not going to pretend to understand the ending, but it's effectively damn creepy. Good job.

173. (1402.) The Legend of Tarzan (2016)
Is it possible to make a Tarzan film anymore that isn't just completely ridiculous? Although, I guess when you get right down to it, a British lord raised by gorillas who swings on vines and talks to elephants and tigers isn't all that plausible in the first place. I retract my complaint. It's a fine way to pass the time in a hospital.

174. (1403.) The Stepford Wives (1975)
This, the original film, is much better than the tepid 2000s Nicole Kidman remake. It's both an effective thriller and a satire with sharp teeth. Much enjoyed.

175. (1404.) Pauline at the Beach (1983)
French film with lots of talking about relationships (with both genders at fault) and no satisfying resolution. The last lines are literally paraphrased: you interpret it your way, and I'll interpret it my way. That's... not helpful. I guess we're all just screwed.

176. (1405.) Follow Me Quietly (1949)
An obsessive cop stalks a serial killer in this bland police procedural. (I've already forgotten most of what happens.)

177. (1406.) Baby Peggy, the Elephant in the Room (2012)
TCM ran this documentary biography about the last living silent film star, Baby Peggy, on her 100th birthday. I was unfamiliar with her work, but apparently that's not so unusual as bad business decisions and greed doomed her career while she was still a toddler. Hollywood: screwing people over for over a century!

More to come.

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Georgia Tech came to Athens and lost for the first time since 2012. They lost badly, too. Through the first three quarters, Tech managed to score only on a punt return. After UGA pulled the starters, final score was Georgia Tech 21, UGA 45.

The game was essentially over when Georgia scored their first touchdown on their opening possession. I didn't see that, however. I hadn't yet reached my seat because my companion, Friend Ken, was 30 minutes late to the carpool. But he did buy me a pretzel in the third quarter, so I'm not inclined to hold too much of a grudge. (Unless I catch his cold. If I catch his cold, yeah, grudge back on.)

By the way, I would be remiss to mention that at halftime, the Georgia Tech band came out on the field and played a tribute to Aretha Franklin. Then the Georgia band followed with... a tribute to Aretha Franklin. R.E.S.P.E.C.T. indeed.

UGA finishes the regular season 11-1 (7-0 at home). I saw 5 of the 7 home games, and none of them were very competitive. Was that worth the increased ticket price? Maybe. Will I renew my tickets again next year? Maybe. It probably depends on how much they jack up the prices this off-season. We'll see what we see after the SEC Championship game.

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Something to think about when you're done with your turkey and watching the Saints beat up on the Falcons tonight:

Kickoffs are simultaneously the most dangerous and most boring plays in football. To make the game safer for the players and more exciting for the fans, some propose replacing the kickoff with a punt. The solution, they say, isn't a big change. Just give the kicking team the ball at the 35 yard line as is currently done, and run a regular punt play. This solves the problem of two teams running at each other from opposite ends of the field, XFL-style. The obvious problem with this solution is that it eliminates the opportunity for an onside kick to allow the kicking team to retain possession. (Punting rules prohibit the kicking team from possessing the ball unless the receiving team has touched and dropped it.)

Former Rutgers coach Greg Schiano, who is a proponent of replacing the kickoff with a punt, suggested an onside kick replacement in 2011. Line up the teams at the 35 just as you would for a punt, he says, and give them the option of throwing a pass instead. If the pass is complete for more than 15 yards downfield, they get to keep going as though they had recovered an onside kick. (Otherwise, the "receiving" team gets the ball at the spot of the catch or the line of scrimmage if incomplete.) The obvious problem with Schiano's suggestion is that teams with high-powered offenses may never have to relinquish the ball at all. That's not an improvement to the current formula, as it only makes games more lopsided.

I like what Schiano's thinking, but I think it could work better with one small change: make the punter be the one to have to throw the ball. This makes a post-score "kick-off" just another play from the line of scrimmage but with dedicated personnel. The game gets safer without overbalancing to offense while still allowing occasional trick plays in late-game cases where maintaining possession is necessary. Win-win!

There, now. Wasn't that a more fun Thanksgiving table discussion topic than politics? You're welcome.

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Today was the day that we moved Dad's stuff up from Florida. Of course, I woke up with a stiff upper back. Moving the boxes out of the trailer, I hurt my lower back compensating for my upper back stiffness. And then I split my pants.

Sometimes, life is funny. And sometimes, life's a riot. The kind with tear gas.

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What else is there to say about a game that UGA won, 66-27?

For one thing, it looked like the team was enjoying themselves. It sure felt like *everybody* got a touchdown.

And UMass scored on a 1 second drive to end the third quarter. That was impressive.

And in honor of Veterans Day, the band played songs for all branches of the armed forces at halftime (pictured above).

And Nick Chubb and Sony Michel were in the house. Each received a standing ovation when introduced.

And, boy, did I enjoy my Coca-Cola and pretzel. Delicious!

Also of note: This was Friend Mike's second UGA game. He has now attended more UGA games than Alabama games. That's a good thing.

Now bring on Georgia Tech.

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I woke up to a text from Friend Ken who needed advice regarding his broken range top. "Boy, am I glad I don't have his problems," I thought to myself.

And then my kitchen sink broke.

Somehow, the nut holding the pipe on the strainer basket in the left basin had become completely stripped. As a result, the pipe slid sideways, and the dishwater, instead of draining away to the septic tank, drained into the cabinet.

Mom and I debated calling a plumber, but we ultimately agreed that replacing a sink basket is no big deal. I should be able to handle that repair easily. Unless the locknut nut is rusted in place. Which, of course, this was. Enter the hacksaw! In a tiny cramped space! On my back!

Two hours, one trip to Home Depot, and $17 later, the sink was back together and successfully holding its water. That's when I noticed that the pipe in the right basin had a cracked nut that was also leaking. Grr. Fortunately, I had the replacement parts leftover from a previous repair to the basement sink. So another hour later (in a tiny cramped space, on my back), both sides of the sink were good as new! Almost.

On reinspection, the left basin was leaking again. Thinking it must be because I had used too small a bead of plumbers putty, I unscrewed everything again. That's when I noticed that while reassembling the parts last time, I had accidentally placed the high-tech piece of cardboard (meant to reduce friction between locknut and gasket) above the rubber gasket instead of below it. It turns out that cardboard is terrible at holding water. Who knew?

Maybe I *should* have called a plumber.

Anyway, everything is working as it is supposed to again. So take that, Ken! The ball is back in your court, buddy.

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