"Newton County man gored by buck in his backyard," reads the headline at cbs46.com (WGCL).

A man appears to be wielding a broomstick at the deer to ward it off. Seconds later, the deer charges at the man and pins him down. The video pans out for a split second before showing the man laying on the ground.

It sounds like a scene from a Stephen King movie, but that's their description of a Facebook video shared by the Georgia Department of Natural Resources Wildlife Resources Division. Warns the GDNRWRD:

"[I]f you observe tame or pet deer, please contact the Law Enforcement Division.... While you may hesitate to call due to the potential for the animal to be euthanized, please know that you are doing the right thing."

Longtime readers of Wriphe.com don't need that warning. We know that if we see what looks like a "tame" deer, what we're really looking at is a domestic-ated terrorist.

You're going to get what's coming to you, Bambi!

Bury him under the jail, fellas.

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Why calculator...

...when you can calcnow?

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Finishing up new-to-me movies watched in September:

163. (1392.) The Man Who Cheated Himself (1950)
Film noir about a cop who makes the really bad decision to cover up a murder committed by his lover. And he might have gotten away with it, too, if not for his damn kid brother. Pretty good, in no small part because of the many atmospheric shots of San Francisco.

164. (1393.) Bright Leaf (1950)
Tobacco farmer Gary Cooper loses sight of his own moorings when he becomes blinded by revenge. No one treats Lauren Bacall like that and gets away with it! Also pretty good.

165. (1394.) Sausage Party (2016)
Imagine a few stoners sitting around the dinner table pondering the source and purpose of their meal and you'd get this, a weird mash-up of food puns, cliched stereotypes, and humanist philosophical treatise. Not the worst waste of an hour and a half, but also not worth going out of your way for.

More to come.

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May movies watched, the final chapter!

72. (1131.) Satellite in the Sky (1956)
In 1956, no one understood what space travel would be like, but they were certain we'd screw it up with bombs. That's the most realistic part of this story.

73. (1132.) The Eddy Duchin Story (1956)
Brilliant but awkward pianist loses wife to childbirth, spends rest of his life blaming the child for it. Who thought that would be a fun movie to make? (Who thought that would be a fun movie to watch?)

74. (1133.) Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)
It's a distilled reworking of the pieces that worked best in the original. I expect another round through the distillation process will make Vol. 3 a two hour super-cut of Jackson 5 and Bee Gees tunes playing over an entire planet of dancing raccoons with laser guns. I look forward to it.

75. (1134.) Sergeant York (1941)
There's a lot of war-glorification here for a film about a pacifist. The moral ostensibly appears to be "the Lord works in mysterious ways," though my takeaway was "kill a bunch of people and god will give you a house." (When I sat down to watch this, I was certain I'd seen it before, but not a single frame was familiar. What movie was I thinking of?)

76. (1135.) Home (2015)
This animated children's movie does not care one iota that none of its characters or situations make any sense at all. Everything exists as an excuse to squeeze in puns, sight gags, and jokes. Fun, fun, fun!

77. (1136.) Wild Rovers (1971)
Boring, boring, boring! I didn't finish it. About half way through, I got distracted by something else, and it didn't even occur to me to press pause on the DVR. I don't regret that lack of a decision.

More to come.

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Feast-er your eyes on this vintage Coca-Cola advertisement from 1958:

I learned from Alice in Wonderland not to trust any grinning white rabbits.

But I'd still drink his Coke.

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Let's count the Superman mythos references in this Mirror.com.uk "news" article posted earlier this week:

Faster than a speeding bullet: Police pull over SUPERMAN in Solihull
posted Jun 22, 2014 21:58 by Mikey Smith, Mike Lockley

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's a rusty Peugeot 106 with a cape and no insurance carrying two guys dressed up as Superman

The Man of Steel is supposed to fight for truth, justice and the American way - but even he needs car insurance.

Police in Solihull couldn't believe their eyes when they pulled over Superman - or should we say Supermen - after a Krypto-nite out on suspicion of driving with no insurance.

They spotted a vehicle with no back window, but a red cape fluttering through the opening in a (Lois) lane of the M42 last night.

They did a double take as the scene unfolded, and the driver and passenger - both dressed as the Last Son of Krypton - stepped out of the rusty Peugeot 106.

After stopping the pair of Brainiacs near Junction 4, the force tweeted: "Even Superman needs insurance. We don't work for Lex Luthor, but we had to remove Superman's wheels from the road."

One Superman reference per sentence? That's an article that Clark Kent could be proud of.

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The Catholic cardinals convene today to select the next pope. Despite the fact that newspapers have been covering this story continuously for the past month, I still read the event as the "PayPal conclave." Welcome to the new Roman Catholic Church, "the safer, easier way to pray!"

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At least two houses on my street put up their Christmas decorations last weekend, a full six weeks before Christmas. What's the damn hurry to get to Christmas?

I talked about this with the dental technician at my appointment for fillings yesterday. (Yes, another appointment for fillings. In fact, part of yesterday's appointment was to fix some old fillings that were showing stains. Now even my fillings need fillings!)

The technician said she shared my opinion, and that in her opinion time passed fast enough without our hurrying it. She then proceeded to to explain that she also hated artificial Christmas trees with "built-in" lights and visiting family that overstays its welcome. It was quite a lively conversation, if a bit one-sided.

At least some other people are perturbed that Christmas seems to be coming earlier each year, I thought to myself. But no sooner had the dentist injected the lidocaine into my jaw before I overheard the following conversation in the hallway outside:

Hygenist: "Do you think that Pike Nurseries on LaVista road is a nice place?"
Voice 2: "Yes. Why do you ask?"
Hygenist: "I think it's time for a Christmas tree."

So now I've decided that decorating for Christmas is a social disease, passed from one person to another, infecting everyone along the way. Obviously, as I'm strictly opposed to the concept of seasonal decoration, I must only be a carrier for the disease, spreading it without showing any symptoms myself.

I guess that means that if you are reading this post, you should probably take the preemptive measure of squirting some Purell into your eyes, just in case. Better safe than snowy, I always say.

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"I'm Joe Montana, and I spent 16 years playing football...
...and Shape-Upsâ„¢ have improved my strength and posture."

-- Joe Montana, (paid endorser)

Say it ain't so, Joe. You must have been the only one helped by the shoe, then. Earlier this week, Skechers agreed to pay $50 million in settlement of a class-action lawsuit alleging that the only thing Skechers was shaping up with it's Shape-Ups™ shoes was its wallet.

Shape-Ups™'s other celebrity endorser was Kim Kardashian, and we know what her integrity is worth. Does Joe Montana need cash so badly that he's willing to attach his name to just anything these days? What's next, Joe Montana's propane-powered toothbrushes (the Joe Mouth-tana®: "Brush Your Way to Victory!")? Joe Montana's chemical toilets (the Joe John®: "When You Gotta Go All the Way!")? Joe Montana's homemade deer bait (the Doe Montana®: "Doing It for the Fawns!")?

At least Jimmy Johnson has cornered the market on celebrity football endorsements of herbal erection supplements. No one needs to be exposed to the slogan, "As Big As Montana!"

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