We came to Athens for the crowning of a new king, and we stayed for something that vaguely resembled football.

Vanderbilt perfectly played the role of the walkover Homecoming guest, allowing Georgia to hang 43 unanswered points on them in the completely one-sided rout. Unlike Tennessee last week, which was reeling from a crushing loss at LSU, Vanderbilt was just plain bad: outplayed in all phases of the game. If you didn't know better, you'd think that Georgia was actually good. (But we know better: Georgia blew through all of their first half timeouts in the first 5:16 of the 1st quarter. The crowd held it's breath, relaxing only once it became clear that Vandy hadn't really come to play.)

But no one seemed too disappointed that the game wasn't competitive. Most of the crowd, my mother included, had come to the stadium solely to see the coronation collaring ceremony for Uga VIII (nee Big Bad Bruce). Uga VIII, less than a year old, seemed a little understandably overwhelmed by the crowd, cameras, and noise. Russ, however, seemed relieved to be free of the burden of having to watch the Dawgs play any more football.

Earlier in the week, Athletic Director Greg McGarity said that Uga represents "everything we want our student-athletes and fans to be: proud, loyal, tenacious, and relentless." I can't speak for any bulldogs, but I for one am proud to recognize that three of those words are nearly synonyms for stubborn.

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Going into today's game, Tennessee and Georgia were tied for worst in the SEC East. Fortunately for UGA, Tennessee seemed shell-shocked after their denied defeat of LSU last week. (Tennessee thought that they had won that game only to surrender the game to LSU on an Illegal Participation penalty.) Things did not go significantly better for Tennessee this week against a UGA team desperate for a win.

Even the normally affable, temporary Uga-substitute mascot Russ turned his back on the distraught Tennessee mascots (both Smokeys and their Davy Crockett-inspired "volunteer" flag-bearer) late in the 41-14 Georgia rout.

The normally rambunctious Volunteer fans were unusually subdued during the debacle. I'm not going to lie; that was very satisfying. But the best part was that the UT band only played "Rocky Top" 7 times during the game, establishing what must be a new all-time low.

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While I'm on the subject of catalogs, do you notice anything odd about the cover to this catalog I received in the mail last week?

No? Maybe it's kind of hard at that resolution. Here, let me help; I've got an eye for this sort of thing. How about this?

Gee, whiz! What happened to that poor dog's toes? Look, I know that Uga VII is dead, so you can't get any new photographs of him. But there isn't exactly a shortage of images of him sitting on grass. Especially since this image is a photoshopped from a picture of... Uga VII sitting on grass.

These images are all the intellectual property of long-time Athens photographer Danny White. According to UGA, Mr. White has been the "official Uga portrait photographer since 1973." And so far as I can tell, he's taken some pretty darn good pictures of some damn good dogs. On first glance, you might think that this is one of them. Seems like someone disagrees with you, though.

Granted, there are a few unsightly wrinkles in Uga's custom Nike jersey. And his right eye is looking a little lazy. And he's got some grass hanging out of his mouth. But none of that explains why someone 'shopped in some li'l doggy toes!

Don't just take my word for it, see for yourself here against the original:

Mouse over/off this swf to control your own seizure.

If you really like this image -- the photoshopped one, not the original -- you can pick up your own copy as a handy refrigerator magnet available at www.ugaredzone.com. (For reasons unexplained, the magnet image is slightly different than either of the other two!) However, be warned: you'd better be prepared to explain to your observant guests why you have a picture of a dog with fake feet.

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Yesterday's UGA season opener versus the Louisiana Lafayette Ragin' Cajuns was more family reunion than football game.

Those poor Cajuns were outmatched from the time they signed the contract to play the game, and everyone, including the Cajuns, seemed to know it and planned accordingly. That UGA managed 55 points with a freshman quarterback and several stars deactivated for a litany of violations against team rules, accused NCAA infractions, and state laws wasn't nearly as surprising as the fact that the Cajuns scored 7 points. (They scored on their only completed deep pass one play following UGA's sole turnover of the game, an interception off a bobbled reception. It's always better to be lucky than good.)

For those of you who have wondered, mouse over to see my seats.

The smell of sunblock was more prevalent than the smell of beer as old friends caught up on gossip gained since last year's season finale versus Kentucky. The temperature was unseasonably mild and insidiously pleasant, distracting everyone from cooking in the direct early afternoon sunlight. Twin F-18's missed their cue, arriving about 30 seconds too early and washing out the "Sanford Stadium tradition" of the Redcoat Marching Band's rendition of the National Anthem, but nobody was disappointed. Even Russ, Uga's temporarily replacement seemed contentedly lethargic as he lazily (and not without much coaxing) fulfilled his mandatory photo-op duty for the University. It was really a pretty swell atmosphere for a football bloodbath.

Eagle-eyed readers may notice that the endzones are painted slightly differently than in past years. I pointed this fact out to my mother before kickoff. "Only you would notice something like that," she sighed. I also noticed that the roof of Russ's doghouse read "UGA Mascot" instead of "Uga" (as it did last year) and that the scoreboard promoted UGA players now in the NFL using a logo that the NFL replaced two years ago. I didn't bother pointing these things out. I'm sure mom appreciated my silence.

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Uga Update: PETA wants Georgia to replace live Ugas with a robotic dog. While I'm intrinsically opposed to anything that PETA wants (see "Sea Kittens"), I happen to think that a robot Dawg would be awesome, and would be a great addition to the sidelines as it paced menacingly back and forth, glaring at the opposition with steely laser eyes and baring titanium teeth in a continuous growl. So way to go on finally having a kick ass idea, PETA. Here's to robot mascots!

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I'm sure that Uga VII would be pleased to know that we played football in his absence the same as we played it in his presence. That is, terribly.

Kentucky beat Georgia in Athens for the first time since 1977. (My brother wasn't even born at the time.) Georgia turned the ball over 4 times, solidifying our lock on the 119th ranking (out of 120) in the country for turnover margin on the season. Joe Cox threw two interceptions, including the final turnover in the game at 1:44 remaining as the Dawgs began a final drive for the tying points. On the upside, Uga VII thankfully didn't live to see it.

And so ends another home season of Georgia football. Sure it was exciting, but it wasn't very satisfying.

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The University of Georgia's football season has been so bad, it killed our mascot: Uga VII died of a heat attack yesterday, November 19, after a mere 23 games as mascot and only 15 months after the death of his predecessor, also from heart failure. Uga VII (born Loran's Best) was only 4 years old at the time of his death and had the shortest reign of all Ugas to date. As a result of his sudden departure, no live mascot will be lounging in his custom-built doghouse for Saturday's prime-time home game against Kentucky.

Though it is too soon to tell, there is an indication that Uga VII may be the last Uga. "There may not be an Uga VIII," said Uga VII's owner, Swann Seiler, in the Atlanta-Journal Constitution, What this means is still up for debate, as reporter Alexis Stevens followed typical AJC procedure and did not follow through on this intriguing line of inquiry, but it would not be unprecedented to have a differently named english bulldog mascot in future seasons. Prior to 1956, Georgia had bulldog mascots named Mike, Butch, and Mr. Angel. And lest we not forget more recently the 1986 temporary Uga IV replacement named Otto. Heck, our next mascot need not necessarily be a bulldog at all.

The historical record reports that Georgia's first football mascot was a goat. Columns, the University's internal newsletter, indicates that inaugural football coach Charles Herty nicknamed the team the "Goats" in February 1892. "At that time the goat was a mascot for everyone," UGA Associate Director of Alumni Relations Charles McBride is quoted in the Jan. 20, 1988 edition of the student-run Red and Black newspaper. "They would just decorate an old goat from the University farm and take it to the game." The Athens Banner-Herald newspaper claims the goat was our mascot for some time, at least two years, though the official mascot may have been the goat for as long as 3 or 4 decades. A paucity of recorded information makes ascertaining the time of the shift between official mascots uncertain, much less the name of that original goat.

According to the University's Athletic Department and other sources, the unnamed live goat was replaced by a bull terrier named Trilby in 1894. From Trilby the University would generate the nickname "bulldogs," which took several decades to saturate the popular consciousness as team mascot despite many people claiming credit for the idea. The Feb. 4, 1938, Red and Black contains reminiscences by Herman J. Stegeman and Robert L. McWhorter -- both men who now have buildings on campus named in their honor -- who debate the exact dates but agree that the team was known internally as the Bulldogs prior to 1921. (Historical note: the game that Stegeman recalls against Yale discussed in the linked article above took place in 1923, not 1921.) The Bulldog was not made the official mascot of the University until a ceremony at halftime of the annual game versus Georgia Tech on Nov. 26, 1938.

While I don't expect a return to the Georgia Goat (a nickname possibly already claimed by current quarterback Joe Cox), I wouldn't be surprised to see a lineage change for the bulldogs. Like the University itself, the Ugas have been growing all too fat and indolent in recent years. Whether the Seilers have tired of the spotlight, the weekly journey from Savannah, or the minefield of internal UGA politics, perhaps a return to the likes of Mr. Angel would do us some good.

So long, Uga VII. It was nice knowing you.

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Yes, I know that I should have posted yesterday in order to maintain my "every 3 days" posting rule, but I omitted the post on purpose so that I could prepare for today's post, the early kickoff to my Annual Batman and Football Month!

Today was the kickoff for the 2009 University of Georgia Bulldogs, who start the season ranked #1 in both the coaches and sportswriters national polls for the first time in school history. It was also the first game for Loran's Best, newly baptized as Uga VII, the latest in a distinguished line of Georgia mascots.

Uga VII was introduced to the fans exactly 10 minutes before kickoff of today's season opener against Georgia Southern. And he remained pretty much the focus of the fans and the cameras for the remainder of the game. Even a brief appearance by Georgia Southern's live eagle mascot, Freedom, couldn't steal Uga VII's spotlight.

Like all season openers, the presentation had it's rough spots. The boosters failed to properly support the Georgia "G" flag that the player's typically run through following pre-game introductions (as seen on recent ESPN promotions), and as a result the flag tore in two long before the players ever reached it. The GSU Band apparently got lost on the way to the game, failing to arrive until mere minutes before their scheduled halftime performance. [Update 09/02/08: From my source in Statesboro: "It pains me to say that I have to correct the information I gave you a bit.  YES, the bus was broke down for an hour and a half and that was the main reason they were late... however, the mother fuckers did get lost. I found that out last night. So you guys guessed correctly. Still, the MAIN reason was the flat."] Even the grounds crew needs some extra practice this year. Note the drop shadow error on the "B" in the endzone "Bulldogs" below.

Despite the snags and the the melting heat of the early afternoon sun, we beat GSU 45-21. It was a foregone conclusion that we would win easily, and we did. As a result, Uga VII started his reign as mascot with a 1-0 record. That's the sort of tradition that I can get behind.

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As a UGA alum, I've received these University of Georgia bookstore catalogs for years. This year, however, in the so-called "'08 Playbook," something seemed not quite right. Sure, there was the obligatory image of Mark Richt sporting his official Nike sideline gear, but the rest of the images seemed a little extra... generic. In addition to all of the models being WAY too old to be college kids, the backgrounds were all wrong. I'm very familiar with UGA's campus, and none of the buildings visible are in Athens. But what really spoiled the charade was on page 7:

Clearly, the people at Follett Higher Educational Group who produced and photographed this year's catalog have never even been to Athens. It's one thing to have a guy showcasing polo shirts and swim shorts featuring Uga produced in Martha's Vineyard (catalog numbers 0950807F $68.00 "Piqué Polo" and 0950807G $75.00 "Surfside Swim Trunks" from Vineyard Vines®), it's another altogether to have him pulling a surfboard out of his 2004 Scion xB in the presumed campus setting of glorious landlocked Athens, GA. Even worse, it's a Surftech Roxy soft top surfboard. Roxy is Quicksilver's line for girls. Good choice, brah.

I can't help but wonder how many other college and university bookstore catalogs feature a similar image with different apparel. You know, we can do amazing things with computers these days.

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Georgia beat Georgia Tech for the 6th year in a row today. My father, a Tech graduate, was very irritable in the stands after Georgia scored the go-ahead points in the final 2 minutes. But even he still had a good time. I suspect that we'll be playing in the Dec. 30 Chick-Fil-A Bowl, but I'll be damned if I know what ACC team we'll play against.

It's been a long, puzzling season for the Bulldogs. Frankly, I'm a little surprised that we finished with a respectable 8-4 record. After the Homecoming loss to Vanderbilt, I figured we had no chance against Auburn or Georgia Tech. I guess that goes to show what I know.

Looking back at the season, I remember the hecklers during the Tennessee game, the buffalo on the sideline at the Colorado game, and the UGA tailgaters offering the Vanderbilt faithful barbecue after their victory. Yes, it's been a pretty good year, all things considered. And there are only 280 days to go until our September 1, 2007 kickoff against Oklahoma State. Go Dawgs!

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