July movies, part 2 of 3:

116. (653.) Show Boat (1951)
I'm told that this isn't the best production of Show Boat, but I don' think I care. I think I've had it with Rodgers and Hammerstein. I don't find their music entertaining, and I typically find their stories somewhere between boring and depressing.

117. (654.) $ (1971)
Yup. The movie is named $, pronounced "dollars." The top billed stars are Warren Beatty and Goldie Hawn, but I tuned in for Gert Frobe! I've said before that I like heist films, and this definitely qualified both as a heist film and a film I like.

118. (655.) Hot Summer Night (1957)
Leslie Neilsen's career can rather cleanly be divided into two halves. His starring role here falls firmly in the first half. Good noir, but not great.

119. (656.) The Italian Job (1969)
This was the original Micheal Caine version, not the Marky Mark remake. It's more comedy than heist film, and except for the overly long Mini Cooper commercial in the third act, a lot of fun.

120. (657.) To Be or Not To Be (1942)
Jack Benny does what he can to protect Poland from the Nazis in World War II. What a great set-up for some jokes! Jack Benny still delivers.

121. (658.) The Picture of Dorian Gray (1945)
I started watching this on PBS a few months back, but didn't get to see the ending until it came on TCM earlier this month. It's a really good film. I doubt the book could be better. The best part of the film is seeing the portrait itself (although the amoral Lord Wotton runs a close second).

122. (659.) Super 8 (2011)
So J.J. Abrams thinks he's Stephen Spielberg? No sir, I don't like it.

123. (660.) The Big Broadcast of 1937 (1936)
I'd heard that Jack Benny didn't have much of a movie career, but this, the second Benny movie I saw this month proves that he was as funny on the big-screen as he was on the radio.

124. (661.) College Holiday (1936)
Even more Jack Benny (and Burns & Allen). This film is a lot weaker than the previous two Benny movies (the plot barely exists and is only there to link the songs and gags), but he's still plenty impressive. If you like comedy, give a Jack Benny movie a shot.

More movies coming soon. (For the record, Jack Benny wasn't the only actor I saw three times this month. I'll tell you who the other three are next post.)

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And this is everything else I watched in June, my catch-all category, I guess.

89. (396.) Evan Almighty (2007)
Chock full of name comedians and character actors, but still really, unforgivably terrible. I demand to know who thought any part of this movie was a good idea.

93. (400.) It Came from Beneath the Sea (1955)
Stop motion horror animation by the recently deceased Ray Harryhausen. Not exactly must-see material — what this film really lacks is a proper ending — but the special effects do look far more convincing than what you might see in Zack Snyder's CGI movies these days.

95. (402.) Stranger Than Fiction (2006)
Dustin Hoffman plays a supporting role in both Huckabees and this metafictional film, the two of which were my favorite movies in June. Coincidence? I'm naming Hoffman my Star of the Month. (Seriously, I'm no big fan of Maggie Gyllenhaal, but I didn't even mind her in this film.) Also recommended.

99. (406.) Libeled Lady (1936)
A classic 30s screwball comedy with Myrna Loy, William Powell, Spencer Tracy, and Jean Harlow. I know that Harlow was the big sex symbol of her day, but it's really Loy who sizzles onscreen. Also also recommended.

100. (407.) The Return of Peter Grimm (1935)
Not too long ago, I watched On Borrowed Time and The Cockeyed Miracle. This film is essentially the same story (dead man intervenes in the lives of the still-living), but manages to make it exceedingly boring. Next time Peter Grimm goes away, I hope he'll stay there.

101. (408.) How to Steal the World (1968)
A movie made out of the final episodes of The Man from U.N.C.L.E.. The highlight of the movie is the opening title sequence. I don't mean that to be snarky; the opening title sequence is really a lot of fun. It's not that the rest of the movie isn't entertaining, it's just slow-developing with a lot of improbable sequences, such as when heroes Napoleon Solo and Illya Kuryakin escape a firing squad because, well, just because. There's a particularly dumb scene where Leslie Nielsen is rendered mostly brain dead that must take 10 minutes.

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Finishing off the movies from September 2012:

223. Big Jake (1971)
John Wayne in a role that exemplifies why we love John Wayne. I loved the family dynamic of John Wayne, the last of the Old West heroes, telling his grown, estranged children what to do. I hated the fact that they rather violently killed a dog. Killing a beloved sidekick character? Joss Whedon must love this movie.

224. The Reluctant Astronaut (1967)
I have never much cared for Don Knotts. He plays just one character and I don't find that persona very entertaining. However, watching this film (with a straight-faced Leslie Nielson), I was struck that his schtick isn't much different from Kevin James' comic persona these days. Think about it: Don Knotts as Paul Blart: Mall Cop? I wonder how Kevin James would have gotten along in Mayberry.

225. What's Your Number (2011)
Romantic comedies like this are so formulaic, I don't really know why I watch them. Seriously, someone in an awkward romantic situation meets someone of the opposite gender in a very contrived situation. The fall in love while working to resolve the awkward situation. Then the protagonist does something stupid, driving a wedge in the budding relationship. Fortunately, some friends or situation points out the foolishness of the situation, and all live happily ever after. I guess that I, like most moviegoers, feel comfortable seeing new variations on familiar themes, and just keep consuming these movies like visual comfort food. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

226. Diner (1982)
Sometimes I can tell when I really liked a movie only when it sticks with me as time passes. I've thought a lot about Diner since I saw it, which is a pretty good indicator that I liked it. It reminded me of a less-serious Beautiful Girls, which I've always liked.

227. Doom (2005)
Stupid, pop-culture action movie. I watched it to prep me for Karl Urban's performance in...

228. Dredd (2012)
I covered this here. As I said, I liked it. Much smarter than Doom. Hard to believe that's Dr. McCoy scowling under that helmet.

229. Without a Paddle (2004)
How do movies like this get made? The situationally "comedic" plot is as thin as the direction. It's just a time waster. If the romantic comedy is the comfort food of movies, this is the fast food of movies.

230. Comanche Territory (1950)
Commanche Territory is the sort of film that gave Doc Brown the wrong idea about the American West in Back to the Future III. I watched the movie because the early meeting between the two male leads looked like it had the sort of sparkle that would make for a good time. The movie soon disappointed by devolving into a stock Western with dubious historical facts, weak action, and an unlikely romance. Oh well. They can't all be Fistful of Dollars.

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Of course, the whole reason Trey, Leslie, and I went to Ohio was so that Trey could attend a professional soccer match between the Columbus Crew and the visiting Chicago Fire.

I have to admit that I had more fun at the soccer game than I had thought I would. The atmosphere was enjoyably electric, and even the soccer match was unusually exciting so far as soccer games go. (The first goal was scored within the first 9 minutes, preventing the 0-0 tie I was expecting.) The Columbus fans were friendly and reasonably well-behaved, the exception being their children. Those little bastards went largely unsupervised and seemed to enjoy throwing their Pepsi cups and other trash between sections. Clearly, they are future Ohio State University students.

Naturally, with no preference between teams, I chose to root for the Crew. Trey claimed to have no favorite MLS soccer team, but Leslie insisted that he is secretly a Chicago Fire fan. The Chicago fans made the Columbus children look like amateurs, throwing smoke bombs and bottles on the field. There was even a fire in the parking lot after the Fire lost, an event I don't consider a coincidence. I'm sure that Trey felt like he was attending a Philadelphia Eagles game.

So that was my first soccer game. Would I do it again? Yeah. Maybe next time, we can go to a stadium that serves Coke.

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After leaving Sandusky, Trey, Leslie, and I headed south to Columbus. With some time to kill before the soccer game would start, we decided to follow a lead provided by our party planner, Brian. We headed directly towards the Columbus Zoo and Aquarium, or as Brian described it, "Jack Hanna's zoo." This nickname is a little misleading; as I was disappointed to learn, you won't find Jack Hanna in any of the cages.

It was well over 90° in the midday sun, and most of the animals were smart enough to be lounging in whatever shade they could find. Naturally, our first objective was the polar bear enclosure.

Surprisingly, the polar bear was one of the only animals in the zoo that seemed completely indifferent to the heat. Perhaps that's because they had their own water park, fully stocked with toys and snacks. The other bears at the park, including the sun bear (seen below), had to settle for water misters. Personally, I'd take a swimming pool over a Willy Water Bug any day.

The zoo was full of exotic animals I'd never seen before, but from the pictures I took, you'd think it only had bears. There are red pandas, Asian lions, West Indian manatees, and Komodo dragons, to name just a few. But really, the highlight of the zoo was the great apes, the gibbons, gorillas, and bonobos. Many of the zoo's primates are very human, some making a sincere attempt to communicate with the visitors, while others just pointed and laughed. Generally, I'm no fan of the ape, but I have to say that the Columbus Zoo's apes acted more human than some of the visitors.

Even with every creature great and small napping, the visit was still very much worth the time and expense ($15 per person, plus $7 parking). In hindsight, I wish we had more time to spend.

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For the Memorial Day weekend, Trey took Leslie and me to Ohio. Our first stop was Sandusky's Cedar Point amusement park, still the most awesome place on Earth. Trey and Leslie had never been before, and I'm sure they enjoyed themselves as much as I did. For the record, I'm not getting too old for this.

As I did for my last visit to the park in 2010, here's a trip summary in postcard-sized chunks:

The new "ride" in 2012 is "Dinosaurs Alive!", the old riverboat retooled with dinosaur animatronics replacing animal animatronics.

Magnum heads up its lift hill into the clouds.

The Midway as seen from a shady picnic table behind the Dodgem pavilion.

New since last visit: Pink's on the Midway.

A last look at the Millennium Force before nightfall.

Passing by the remains of the Wildcat. The space is being cleared for an outdoor "Luminosity" laser show.

After we left Sandusky, we headed south to Columbus, Trey's real destination. More on that later.

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I am on a quest to watch 150 movies that I have never seen before in 2012. I originally caught myself wondering if I could watch 365 previously-unseen movies in a year, but I quickly realized that would be impossible without some serious discipline. And I am completely devoid of serious discipline.

So this means that I have to watch an average of 13 movies a month. My criteria is pretty simple: any feature-length film, whether released in theaters, televisions, or straight to DVD, will count towards my goal so long as I haven't seen it before. And yes, I am counting movies that I start and don't make it all the way through because I can't watch anymore, and movies that I come in later to, so long as I see more than 1/2 of the film. Despite this simplicity, I'm already in trouble. Here's the list for January, in the order I watched them:

1. Arthur (2011)
Russell Brand's Arthur is less drunk and more madcap than Dudley Moore's, but the movie was enjoyable enough if you don't mind a dark subtext to your glossy romantic comedies.

2. Yogi Bear (2010)
The premise of this movie is that Jellystone Park has to raise money to support itself or be shut down, and it's impossible to understand how a park with an outgoing, talking bear could fail to do that. It really tries too hard for its own good.

3. Underdog (2007)
You'll never believe me, but I found an unenthusiastic Jason Lee voicing a dog fighting a midget more satisfying than Yogi Bear.

4. Cinema Verite (2011)
A movie about a documentary about the first reality television show. Somehow, I really think this should count double. Enjoyable.

5. Bend It Like Beckham (2002)
The first genuinely good movie I watched this year. Despite being a movie ostensibly about soccer, almost no actual soccer is played in the movie outside of montages that said "this girl is good at soccer." That's a plus, in my book.

6. The Greatest Movie Ever Sold (2011)
I had never seen any documentaries by Morgan Spurlock before this, including Super Size Me. But I found Spurlock engaging, good-natured, and humorous. I will totally watch more of his work.

7. Cyrus (2010)
Full disclosure: I gave upon this film after 45 minutes. I never walk away from films if I think there is any chance I'll eventually enjoy it, but after nearly an hour of watching a variety of losers careening awkwardly from one uncomfortable and unfunny moment to another, I could take no more. I probably need to watch another film to make up for walking out on this one, but these are my rules, and I can do whatever I want!

8. Sucker Punch (2011)
Looks great. Less filling. At the end I was left wondering why the protagonist gave up on herself. Maybe I should have given up on her, too.

9. The Switch (2010)
I gave up on this film, too, after the child was introduced. Leslie insisted that I had watched the bad half of the movie, so I tried it again. She was right, the second half was better than the first.

10. Jonah Hex (2010)
Truly a movie that never should have made it out of the screenwriter's office. Someone please remind Warner Brothers that they released this movie as Wild Wild West in 1999.

11. Master of Disguise (2002)
Covered in detail here. 'Nuff said.

12. Bad Teacher (2011)
All the jokes came from supporting actors in this bad movie. I guess people like to see actors on screen doing socially unacceptable things as wish fulfillment, but I don't have that hang up.

More to come next month.

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Returning to my neighborhood following an errand yesterday, I was surprised to see a single woman walking an entire pack of dogs down the street. As I approached, I noticed that two of the dogs were standard poodles, one white and one black. Those sure look like my dogs, I thought. It turns out that they were.

As I stopped the Jeep, I could see that the woman was walking her black Labrador on a leash. Following her were several dogs of various sizes. All wore collars, but none wore a leash. And all of them belonged to my family. I asked the lady, "What are you doing with my dogs?"

Her response was simply, "I figured they must belong to somebody." Unless she knows some way to teach poodles to groom themselves, that's a pretty safe assumption.

My July and Victoria quickly recognized me and willingly jumped into my car. (Although I think they probably would have jumped into just about anyone's car. They love car rides.) Leslie's two dogs were next: Charlie accepted my help up into the Jeep, but Rudy, recognizing my intent, sprinted back home at top speed, refusing to surrender his new found freedom.

I eventually returned home and wrangled the mass back into my yard. It turns out that my mother and brother had put the animals in the yard mere minutes earlier, unaware that the gate to the driveway had been left open. They both got a piece of my mind -- a loud, angry piece.

At least no one was lost or hurt. And the dogs got a taste of adventure. Hopefully, it was enough to last them a lifetime, because I don't plan to duplicate that mistake.

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This is the last post of Batman and Football Month, and it hasn't come a moment too soon for the Miami Dolphins, who have opened the season 0-3 and are facing the chip-on-their-shoulder San Diego Chargers this weekend before heading into their bye next week. If the Dolphins can't pick up a win before the bye, I predict very bad things for head coach Tony Sparano next week. It seems very likely he'll soon be joining the 14 million currently unemployed Americans. I'm not too upset: odds are that at least one of those 14 million would make a better coach than Sparano.

Meanwhile, this weekend will mark the third football game I've missed in Sanford Stadium since 2002. In recent weeks the Georgia Bulldogs have pulled out of their nosedive and look not half bad at 2-2 heading into this weekend's SEC contest with Mississippi State Bulldogs. Unfortunately, work calls, and I've been forced to give my ticket to Trey's girl Leslie. I'm sure she'll have a good time at this week's dog fight. Not as good a time as I would have had, but a good time.

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I recently watched Seth Rogen's Green Hornet with Trey and his girl, Leslie. Leslie noted with surprise that Trey, who generally likes movies, hated it, while I, known for hating everything, enjoyed it. No one could adequately explain the personality transposition, but for several minutes afterwards I felt like doing math problems while Trey read my Justice League comic book. Go figure.

Part of the issue may have been that I was familiar with the Green Hornet and his sidekick Kato from their interaction with Batman and Robin in the Adam West television show. As a result I was willing to give the movie bonus nostalgia points. Trey was less familiar with the Green Hornet and therefore may have been expecting something more... good. Rogen's movie may not have been good, but neither was the 1966 television show.

Then again, last week I also watched John Saxon's 1978 B-movie The Glove. To phrase it as an SAT analogy, The Glove is to good as Batman is cheerful. You may remember Saxon from such films as Enter the Dragon starring Bruce Lee, television's Kato. If I can stomach two hours of John Saxon's comb-over and uncomfortably inappropriate love scenes, I can handle Seth Rogen's implausible Green Hornet. What I'm trying to say is that Trey, a more discerning movie watcher, is probably more qualified to offer an opinion on the movie than I am.

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