The third dozen movies seen this July (and the month isn't quite over yet!)

187. Alice Adams (1935)
Drew Barrymore recommended this movie on The Essentials on TCM. Credit where it's due, this is a much better movie than most Drew Barrymore movies.

188. Bride Wars (2009)
Everything about this movie is ridiculously contrived. I know that as a guy, I'm not supposed to "get" weddings -- a fact the movie quickly and frequently reinforces -- but I don't even get this movie.

189. The Sweetest Thing (2002)
This movie recycled so many of the same crude jokes in its desperate bid to be Something About Mary II, the producers even cast Cameron Diaz in the lead role.

190. In Time (2011)
Justin Timberlake as social-crusading action hero? Yeah, sure, what the hell.

191. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (2010)
Let me open by saying that I really enjoy the original Wall Street. It is the only Oliver Stone film I will admit to actually liking, and that statement includes this sequel. All the unnecessarily arty cgi and what feels like a tacked-on feel-good ending dilute the movie's "fuck the system" message. I was left wondering why I had bothered to watch a 2-1/2 hour movie starring Shia LaBouf. Joke's on me, I guess.

192. Slacker (1991)
I distinctly remember being wildly curious about this film when I first saw it on the shelves of my local Blockbuster in 1993. I didn't watch the film then, and that's probably a good thing. There is no way I would have appreciated the message then. I've long been under the delusion that all people get crazy as they get older. This film clearly illustrates that people start out crazy.

193. Peyton Place (1957)
Mom talks about Peyton Place as being quite taboo when she was a youngster growing up in a small town. And no wonder. It's a good, big screen soap opera, with family discord, rape, murder, and an over-bearing orchestrated score.

194. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011)
I'd seen the original Swedish movie already, and I looked forward to comparing the two. The American version looks good and builds its story well, but I was very disappointed in its spoon-feeding the resolution to the audience. Now I'm going to have to read the book to find out which was more loyal.

195. 200 Cigarettes (1999)
Think Empire Records but with less emotion and worse dialogue. And for a movie named after cigarettes, why doesn't anyone in the film look like they enjoy smoking them? (Only in the finale does Ben Affleck even looks like he knows what to do with one.)

196. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
Screenwriter Charlie Kaufman is brilliant, but I don't think I could stomach multiple viewings of any of his films. (One more note: I found Kate Winslet's character completely unlikable. That means I spend this entire movie yelling at Jim Carrey to shut up and get over her. He didn't. I'm not putting myself through that again.)

197. The Big Year (2011)
Reviews of this movie gave me the impression that it would suck, but a cast of fine character actors injected this bittersweet comedy with a lot of life. I liked it.

198. D.O.A. (1950)
I liked this, too. The protagonist solves a typically convoluted film-noir plot by process of elimination. Careening clumsily from one suspect to another like a runaway pinball, he solves his own murder only after all other possibilities are eliminated. Deserves its place among the film-noir classics.

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Yesterday, my brother drank a 6-pack of Mexican beer and spent an hour telling me that I had to make more money so that I could move out of my mother's basement. Somehow this was triggered by him beating me at Stratego, a fact I partially blame on his not telling me all the rules before we started playing and partially because Stratego is a stupid game. As a result of that tongue-lashing, I have to spend the time I would typically spend thinking of something clever to write here on thinking of a way to make more money. Sorry, internet, but you'll have to go entertain yourself elsewhere today.

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Twelve more for July 2012:

175. The Thin Man (1934)
Seeing the c-list actors they assigned to round out its cast, it's obvious immediately that MGM didn't expect this film to be great. Myrna Loy and William Powell are so adorable together, it's hard to believe that the company didn't recognize the film would be a sure-fire hit as soon as the cameras started rolling. Highly recommended.

176. Frankenstein 80 (1972)
Every few years, someone tries to update the old monster stories by adjusting the science or politics. In this case, the modern "science" is a bottle of neon-blue juice instead of lightning. Wow. Too bad Mary Shelly didn't think of that.

177. The Ides of March (2011)
Dad watched this movie and told me it sucked. Trey watched this movie and told me it was great. It's a pretty damn cynical movie, and of course I liked it.

178. Crazy, Stupid, Love. (2011)
Sweet, sweet Emma Stone. I never, ever want to meet you in person. You cannot possibly be as awesome in real life as you are on the silver screen.

179. The Naked City (1948)
IMDB.com recommended this to me because I watched In Cold Blood. This movie is like a 2-hour Dragnet episode. In other words, it's awesome.

180. 7 Faces of Dr. Lao (1964)
Tony Randall must have been quite a power broker to get MGM to make this vanity project. Sure, the makeup and effects are great, but there's not enough pancake makeup in the world to disguise 2-hours of tired sight gags as plot. Very boring.

181. East of Eden (1955)
Really, I hate Steinbeck's stories. If he were writing today, his work would be called teen fiction. "Oh, what is my place in life? Why is this happening to me?" Repeat for 200 pages, close book. Ugh. At least now I've seen the complete filmography of James Dean as a lead actor. All three of them. What a shame.

182. My Favorite Year (1982)
I don't think I've ever seen a movie set behind-the-scenes of television/movies/radio/theater that I didn't enjoy. (Heck, The Player, Radioland Murders, Noises Off! are some of my favorite films.) Add this to the stack.

183. Sullivan's Travels (1941)
Another behind-the-scenes of Hollywood that manages to be a comedy and a message movie at the same time. The third act seemed a little long, but writer/director Preston Sturges is trying to make a point. Since the first two acts built up such good will, I'm not willing to pick a fault with it. I think, in fact, I'll seek out more Preston Sturges movies.

184. 41 (2012)
This documentary on the life of George H.W. Bush relies entirely on interviews with the man himself, and is therefore less robust than I would have hoped. More autobiography than journalism.

185. Lars and the Real Girl (2007)
I'd been trying to decide if I wanted to watch this movie for years. After seeing Ryan Gosling in two other movies this week, I decided to take the plunge. Gosling is impressive in the role, and the film is gently sincere. I'd gladly recommend it, but I'm not sure I could sit through it again.

186. Sex and the Single Girl (1964)
Yes, Natalie Wood was sexy. No, I still don't like her. This movie is what passed for a raunchy sex comedy in the 60s, being some combination of risque vaudeville routines and leftover It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World slapstick from the year before. I'm no fan of Mad, Mad World, which like this movie fails to respect the old truism about the relationship between brevity and wittiness. Listen, Hollywood: nothing is funny for 3 hours.

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Movie watching in July is off to a big start with more than one watched each day. Therefore I'll be breaking the movies into blocks of a dozen or so. Here's the first batch:

163. Rebel Without a Cause (1955)
Ok. I finally get the reason people find James Dean so appealing. He sparkles in this role.

164. Armored (2009)
A straightforward action film with a great cast. I chose to watch it for Fred Ward, but I stayed for the Matt Dillon.

165. Cannibal! The Musical (1993)
The first film by South Park creators, Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Damn, they always knew what funny was, even if they didn't quite know how to make movies.

166. Night Tide (1961)
Look out, serial-killing mermaids! IMDB.com calls this movie a mystery/romance. I call it a suspense/thriller. Either way, young Dennis Hopper is the draw, not the quasi-supernatural plot.

167. The Breed (2006)
Trey selected this movie for us because it is a horror movie with dogs as the monsters. Even though that meant that the protagonists are permitted to kill the dogs without qualifying for the "kicking the dog" trope, it still wasn't a good (or smart) movie.

168. She Gods of Shark Reef (1958)
This Roger Corman b-movie filmed in Hawaii was made on the theory that plot and character development are unnecessary if the setting is pretty. The movie successfully disproves that theory.

169. Symbiopsychotaxiplasm: Take One (1968)
I was surprised when Trey walked out on this experimental art film. Theoretically, the themes of this film tie into his theater major in college. In fact, this is exactly the sort of film that Bill Marriott would have shown my art school us in his classes. I don't think I would have understood it then, either.

170. Picnic (1955)
This is the perfect example of the "man versus himself and the American Dream" drama that I typically find quite boring. I think if you don't associate strongly with the protagonist, this sort of film can be an excruciating experience. James Dean's interpretation of this type of character resonates in Rebel Without a Cause, but I thought William Holden was just too damn old for his role as an angsty 30-year-old to make it work for me here.

171. In Cold Blood (1967)
Part of the reason I watched this was to judge whether I wanted to read any of writer Truman Capote's books. I think maybe I do, but I'll start with Breakfast at Tiffany's instead.

172. The Talk of the Town (1942)
I think I probably should have liked this more than I did. Maybe it just felt too contrived to me, although what Cary Grant comedy doesn't? Maybe I was just in a bad mood that day.

173. Mogambo (1953)
I've had more fun learning about what went on behind the scenes of this movie -- affairs with Grace Kelly, spats between Ava Gardner and Frank Sinatra and director Glen Ford -- than I had watching it. Both the leading ladies are great, but, damn, Clark Gable, get over yourself, man.

174. The Manchurian Candidate (1962)
I'll be honest: I've never really cared for Sinatra as a singer. It just does't grab me. But I think I cannot deny that I really enjoy him as an actor. With apologies to Denzel Washington, this film is far superior to the recent remake.

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EXT. PATIO - NIGHT.

WALTER and TREY sit in plastic patio adirondack chairs. The only light comes from the window in the kitchen door. Walter holds a Coca-Cola can, Trey drinks a beer from a bottle. The pair are discussing potential content for the Wriphe.com blog.

TREY

It has to be about Superman and advertising?

WALTER

No, Superman or advertising. It's an either/or. I'm trying to make it broader in appeal, not narrower.

TREY

What about advertisements that feature Facebook? I don't mean commercials for Facebook, but commercials that include Facebook in advertising another project. Like that car commercial where the girl talks about how many more friends she has on Facebook than her parents. You know the one: "that's too small to be a real puppy!"

WALTER

Okay, that's one, but what other commercials feature Facebook?

TREY

Nothing comes to mind. But there has to be something else, right? Do a little research!

WALTER

Why would I research commercials that reference Facebook? I don't even like Facebook.

TREY

That's why. Your website is the blog equivalent of the comic strip Cathy. You freak out about stupid things.

WALTER

How dare you compare my blog to Cathy? I'm more like the Calvin and Hobbes of blogging! Crazy but well rendered ideas!

TREY

You, like Calvin? Now that's crazy! No, you're more like the Curtis of blogging: your runaway ego always gets you into trouble.

WALTER

Aack!

Frustrated by Trey's typically misunderstanding male perspective, Walter storms inside the kitchen door in search of some non-judgemental chocolate.

THE END

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Concluding the race to 150 movies in 2012:

147. The Courtship of Eddie's Father (1963)
Yeah, Glenn Ford is pretty good, but he's no Bill Bixby.

148. Death Warmed Over (1984)
This low-budget 1980's sci-fi film from New Zealand would have been far better if a) any character's motivation had made any sense or b) I could have seen some more skin. Sure, a little side-boob is a good thing, but I'm going to need a lot more -- probably some full frontal -- to keep me distracted enough not to notice that the well-intentioned but evil scientist turned everyone into undead zombies just because the plot -- what little there was of it -- required it. (Yes, I know I said no more zombie movies back in February because they are all dumb as shit. What can I say? I'm a masochist.)

149. The Big Chance (1933)
More Mickey Rooney, this time as a little boy looking up to a crooked boxer who is struggling to go straight for his newfound love interest. Sure, it's a cliche, but after the vapid Death Warmed Over, it was nice to know what was going on.

150. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel (2009)
Trey has been saying that I've become too discerning in my movie choices. This one's for you, bro! The best thing I can say about this movie is that I have seen it.

Now that I've conquered 150, I'm going to just keep going. How many films can I see before Baby 2013 pushes Father 2012 out the door? We'll find out together!

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Movies for the second week in May. I'm getting really close to 150. When I get there, should I stop tracking, or should I try to see just how many I can watch in 2012?

141. The Innocents (1961)
Typically, I'm not much for ghost stories. In addition to relying heavily on maudlin sentimentality, their internal logic is always a necessary few steps out of sync with reality. I have a hard time "buying in," so to speak. But this film has great atmosphere, truly achieving a creepy vibe. Less is more, and the director knew it. I can respect that.

142. The Wolfman (2010)
Oh, my. This movie is bad. The original Universal Wolfman looked like a hirsute garbage collector. In trying to pay homage, this "update" so desperate for "realism" suffers all the worse for not updating this unrealistic looking monster in any significant way. It compounds this sin by making the transformations cgi! Hugo Weaving easily steals the film from both Benicio Del Toro and Anthony Hopkins his small role, but I'm used to that by now.

143. The Hangover Part II (2011)
I thought this was better than the first, but Trey thought it was more of the same. It is indeed more of the same, and maybe I just enjoyed it more because I knew the formula already.

144. Love Finds Andy Hardy (1938)
Twenty minutes of screen time are spent using a ham radio to deliver a message of good will in what passes as dramatic tension in this film. Another few minutes are spent hiring the domestic help, or haggling over a contract to buy a car. Riveting cinema! Forget watching paint dry, from now on, I'm going to use the expression "more boring than watching Andy Hardy."

145. Hanna (2011)
The best part about this action/revenge fantasy film is its European sensibility. It starts with an interesting premise and some pretty entertaining action scenes, but by the end of the film it has become just another action movie. The film is not helped by Cate Blanchett's disappearing/reappearing Southern accent.

146. The Adjustment Bureau (2011)
Trey had started watching this while I was in a conference call, so I only caught the last half of this action/romance movie. As you would expect, I find the "shadow government so big it controls the actions of everyone in the world but so secret no one has ever heard of it" concept ridiculous. And who doesn't love a movie whose moral is that if we are all just pig-headed enough, The Man will reward our asshole behavior with our heart's desire? Matt Damon seems earnest enough (as a politician!) that I begrudge this film no ill will.

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The following are the rest of the movies I watched in May.

127. Drive Angry (2011)
This movie was a surprise. I chose to watch it because my brother made a joke about Nic Cage and I set out to demonstrate that everything they say about Cage's acting is true. You can say this about the guy: he leaves it all on the screen. Years from now, this film will be used in college classes to demonstrate that Nic Cage is to cinema as Velveeta is to cheese. That said, I loved this film. From a storytelling standpoint, it does so much right that it's easy to forgive its forced Tarantino-esque dialogue and cliched characterization. This is the film that Robert Rodriguez keeps trying -- and failing -- to make.

128. Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star (2011)
As Trey said, "there is no point while watching this movie that you think, 'this is a good movie.'" But it's not trying to be a good movie. It's a bad movie that's got some good jokes that blindside you for big laughs. After watching this, I happened to watch the first 15 minutes of the 2012 AVN Awards on Showtime, where the porn stars being interviewed on the red carpet made awkward and clueless Bucky Larson look like an Oxford professor. Oh my.

129. Kung Fu Panda 2 (2011)
Just like its predecessor, I wanted to dislike this flashy Dreamworks Disney-esque kung-fu cliche, but it's too cute to hold a grudge against.

130. The Ladykillers (1955)
I saw the Coen brothers remake years ago without realizing at the time it was a remake. (I know. I'm clueless.) The remake is good; the original is better, simultaneously funny and suspenseful without ever overplaying its hand.

131. The Kennel Murder Case (1933)
Trey, this is a film in which the death of a dog does not ruin the film. Don't worry: the guy who dies in this whodunit is the one who killed the dog. He got his comeuppance! Suave and comedic, sleuth William Powell may be among my new favorite actors.

132. The Most Dangerous Game (1932)
Watched because I had read the story and seen many variations (*cough* Ice-T is Surviving the Game! *cough*), this film stand up very, very well 80-years after it was made.

133. Ride the High Country (1962)
This is another one of those movies that I appreciate more as time passes. I was dissatisfied with what I felt was a meandering story (and some really cheap sets and action-blocking) by mid-way through this Western, but in the end, they are relevant to the outcome and message of the film. Recommended.

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Of course, the whole reason Trey, Leslie, and I went to Ohio was so that Trey could attend a professional soccer match between the Columbus Crew and the visiting Chicago Fire.

I have to admit that I had more fun at the soccer game than I had thought I would. The atmosphere was enjoyably electric, and even the soccer match was unusually exciting so far as soccer games go. (The first goal was scored within the first 9 minutes, preventing the 0-0 tie I was expecting.) The Columbus fans were friendly and reasonably well-behaved, the exception being their children. Those little bastards went largely unsupervised and seemed to enjoy throwing their Pepsi cups and other trash between sections. Clearly, they are future Ohio State University students.

Naturally, with no preference between teams, I chose to root for the Crew. Trey claimed to have no favorite MLS soccer team, but Leslie insisted that he is secretly a Chicago Fire fan. The Chicago fans made the Columbus children look like amateurs, throwing smoke bombs and bottles on the field. There was even a fire in the parking lot after the Fire lost, an event I don't consider a coincidence. I'm sure that Trey felt like he was attending a Philadelphia Eagles game.

So that was my first soccer game. Would I do it again? Yeah. Maybe next time, we can go to a stadium that serves Coke.

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After leaving Sandusky, Trey, Leslie, and I headed south to Columbus. With some time to kill before the soccer game would start, we decided to follow a lead provided by our party planner, Brian. We headed directly towards the Columbus Zoo and Aquarium, or as Brian described it, "Jack Hanna's zoo." This nickname is a little misleading; as I was disappointed to learn, you won't find Jack Hanna in any of the cages.

It was well over 90° in the midday sun, and most of the animals were smart enough to be lounging in whatever shade they could find. Naturally, our first objective was the polar bear enclosure.

Surprisingly, the polar bear was one of the only animals in the zoo that seemed completely indifferent to the heat. Perhaps that's because they had their own water park, fully stocked with toys and snacks. The other bears at the park, including the sun bear (seen below), had to settle for water misters. Personally, I'd take a swimming pool over a Willy Water Bug any day.

The zoo was full of exotic animals I'd never seen before, but from the pictures I took, you'd think it only had bears. There are red pandas, Asian lions, West Indian manatees, and Komodo dragons, to name just a few. But really, the highlight of the zoo was the great apes, the gibbons, gorillas, and bonobos. Many of the zoo's primates are very human, some making a sincere attempt to communicate with the visitors, while others just pointed and laughed. Generally, I'm no fan of the ape, but I have to say that the Columbus Zoo's apes acted more human than some of the visitors.

Even with every creature great and small napping, the visit was still very much worth the time and expense ($15 per person, plus $7 parking). In hindsight, I wish we had more time to spend.

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