Look, up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's the Sun!

I think that if I were a religious person, I'd probably worship the Sun. Sure, the Sun provides the light energy that makes life possible on Earth, and it has been worshipped by humans for as long as we've been standing upright. Links between the Sun and Christianity (the religion of the "Son") are as well established as the date for Christmas. (Interestingly, the name of the Islamic god, "Allah," may have been derived for a pagan Arabic god of the Moon, the anti-Sun. But that's not today's point.) Despite all of this, the Sun's unique relationship to modern culture goes largely ignored. The Sun gave us superheroes.

The archetype of the modern costumed hero, Superman is powered directly by the Sun. The rays of the Earth's yellow sun charge Superman's amazing Kryptonian physique, allowing him the powers of flight, super sense, and invulnerability. Without the Sun, there's no Man of Steel. That makes the Sun directly responsible for Earth's greatest champion.

The anti-Superman, Batman, is also controlled by the Sun. Unlike Superman, Bruce Wayne has no alien physiology, and must limit his crime-fighting to survivable situations. He chose to adopt a demonic costume and fight in the dark, knowing that his training, combined with mankind's inherent fear of the unknown ("Things That Go Bump in the Dark") will give him an edge against the criminal element. The fictitious construct that is "The Batman" could not function in daylight, and only inspires fear in situations where the Sun is absent. (You can't have a Dark Knight without the dark night.) Again, the abilities and character of one of the archetypical heroes of modern culture, The Batman, is determined directly by the Sun.

As if those two weren't great enough examples of the Sun's influence on American popular culture in general and the superhero in specific, the modern archetype for the superheroic family/team, the Fantastic Four, gained their powers from Cosmic Rays, which by their very nature are generated by the Sun. The Sun's natural radiation must also be responsible for some of the X-Men's bizarre super-human mutations, such as those possessed by Sunspot and Dazzler.

If the Sun has provided all of these powerful and admirable superheroes with their reason for being, I can't think of anything better to devote to worshiping. It certainly makes more sense than Catholicism.

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Maybe it's because I'm a dog person, but I've always really loved Ace, the Bat-Hound. I think he's a better sidekick than Robin.

The original Ace was a farmer's German Sheppard that helped Batman solve a 1955 counterfeiting case in the caper appropriately named "Ace, the Bat-Hound!" (Bruce Wayne has a remarkable detective mind, but he lacks for creativity. I mean, he does carry the Bat theme a little far, you've gotta admit: Batmobile, Bat Plane, Bat Cave, Bat Computer, Bat-Hound, Bat Shark Repellent... the list goes on.)

Bruce gave the dog a mask to prevent anyone recognizing him and linking the Batman and the Bat-Hound back to Bruce Wayne and Ace. Trust me, while it may seem that a mask on a dog isn't really going to disguise much of anything, in the world of comic books, that's some very sound reasoning indeed.

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In the infamous Seduction of the Innocent, Dr. Wertham describes the relationship between Batman and Robin as "the wish dream of two homosexuals living together."

I think it is most interesting that the character of Robin, created purely for the purpose of encouraging children readers to more closely relate to the adventures of the Batman, has served his purpose so well as to result in the enduring cultural subtext of the gay Batman. Even Dr. Wertham's studies indicate that Robin, not Batman, is the character that most people with homosexual desires project themselves into. No one wants to sleep with Robin; they want to be ravashed by the Batman. Robin is freqently shown pining for Batman, yet rarely, if ever, is Batman shown doing anything demonstrably homoerotic in nature. That makes Robin, not Batman, the homosexual partner in the Dynamic Duo.

See what I mean? Damn, boy, can't you even keep your legs together!

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In honor of Batman and Football month, may I present to you the first Batman comic book that I remember reading: The Brave and the Bold #182.

Now, by 1982 I thought that I was already well familiar with Batman, both from Adam West's portrayal on the 1966 live-action show (which I knew from reruns, though I admit that I didn't catch onto the adult undertones for years to come) as well as Batman's adventures with the Superfriends. So when I was given this comic book, I was woefully unprepared for what it contained.

This story takes place on Earth-2, where the golden-age Batman had lived and died. Yes, Batman is dead in this story. And he is also alive, as the Earth-1 Batman was paying a visit to the Earth-2 Robin and Earth-2 Batman's daughter, Helena. Even more confusing is the presence of Earth-2's Batwoman, whose Earth-1 counterpart has apparently been long deceased. Confused yet? I was. Now, as much as some say that the multiple earths made for great stories, they also made it darn difficult for newcomers to grasp the complicated histories of duplicated characters. As the cover blurb says, "What's going on here?" indeed.

Anyway, I loved and hated this story at the same time. While the comic had action and adventure galore, I just plain didn't understand what the hell was going on. In addition to there being two nearly identical universes and multiple versions of each character, the primary antagonist was the ghost of Hugo Strange (represented by his giant floating head) who was using, among other things, the retired classic Batmobile to attack Batman and friends. Um, okay. Sure, why not? Yes, this comic had it all! Alternate universes, skin-tight costumes, supernatural powers, impossible machines, ghosts, evil geniuses, giant heads... it's everything that you think of when you think "comic book."

In hindsight, this book clearly prepared me for decades of alternate Batman mythologies to come. It also established my affinity for the classic 40s Batmobile and giant-headed, misanthropic geniuses. I could have done a lot worse for a first-timer.

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A new month means new content. Professor Gradey, my comic book grading Flash animation, is now online. You can reach him through my media page, or you can just follow this link.

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DC Comics new 52 week series (cleverly titled 52) hit shelves today. Though I had said that I wasn't going to spend cash on a book that ran continuously for 52 weeks (could I really get $130.00 worth of entertainment out of it?), I did buy the first issue. And I was very pleasantly surprised. If DC can keep the focus on the world's second greatest super hero, Booster Gold (as pictured below from the pages of said book), I might be in for the long haul.

Go ahead, DC. Keep impressing me.

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Among the truely great books ever published is The Super Dictionary. A learning dictionary for children published in the 70s, it features the great lineup of DC super heroes: Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Flash, etc. I often tell people that I learned to read from comic books, but that's not quite true. I learned to read from The Super Dictionary.

Wonder Woman illustrates the entries for "blow" and "bush." I love this book.

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I just finished Gotham Central #39, and I was appalled to discover that issue 40 will be the last of the series. Apparently the G.C.P.D. won't survive the "skipped" year coming in Infinite Crisis. The cancellation of this book has me really depressed.

You see, last month my comic shop of the past decade plus closed its doors. While debating if I my desire was strong enough to keep feeding my very expensive habit, the only DC book that had any emotional impact upon me was Gotham Central. The ending of issue #38 was shocking and saddening to me. One month later, to find that the only book that I was really enjoying within DC's "continuity" is to be discontinued is very discouraging.

I'll be the first to recognize that the comic industry has to change in order to reach a new generation of customers. I had hoped that they would be able to do so without alienating their longstanding readers. But as DC changes Superman into Hamlet and Batman into Dr. Frankenstein, I find my interest waning.

In the early 90's, in reaction to the trends of the day and gimmicks of their competitors, DC replaced Batman with a much darker version. Denny O'Neil has said that the Azrael Batman was an interpretation of the darker, more violent characters that were so prevalent at the time, an interpretation that was predestined for destruction in favor of the more life-affirming Batman that DC presented. Now, DC gives us All-Star Batman, a despicable, murderous, egomaniacal creature that throws their work and characterization of just 10 years ago out the window. And their excuse? Allowing Frank Miller to redefine Batman worked so well 20 years ago, let's get him to do it again! With curse words! I'm beginning to think that Frank Miller sincerely hates Batman.

I think I'll blame my comic book malaise on the "new look" DC bullet. I loved the previous, longstanding bullet. It has been modified over the years, but it was always the same basic thing: the letters "D" & "C" inside of a circle with text or stars. The same elements are all there, but it's not the same feeling anymore. And now that that bullet is associated with DC's new Batman (shitty) and Superman (going to be shitty) movies, the whole thing is a disenfranchising nightmare to me.

Sure, I'll probably keep buying Detective and Batman out of habit (the inertia of 30 consecutive years collecting a title is hard to overcome), but I'm just not sure I really care anymore for the new DC Universe. I guess that's the thing about bullets: you never see them coming.

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The single greatest panel in the history of Batman comic books appeared waaaaay back in Batman issue 1 in 1940:

It was followed shortly thereafter by the second greatest panel in the history of Batman comic books:

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In fact, everything I know about relationships I learned from reading Batman and Robin comic books. You beat up villains (who love you for it), you play rough with the ladies (who love you for it), and you endanger the safety of little boys (who love you for it). What more do you need to know in life?

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