2019 moves, part 2 of... many.

7. (1446.) Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol (2011)
8. (1447.) Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation (2015)
10. (1449.) Mission: Impossible - Fallout (2018)
I lump these three together because even though I watched them barely a month ago, I don't think I could tell you which was which. The very definition of popcorn movies, they rely on their fast pace to keep the audience from realizing how little sense they make. I'm pretty sure they all take place inside Ethan Hunt's head while he lies in a coma, but they keep Tom Cruise too busy to make another Magnolia, so I'm willing to cut them a little slack.

9. (1448.) Daddy's Home Two (2017)
Friend Keith challenged me to find fault with John Lithgow's performance in this broad comedy. I couldn't. He's sterling as always. Everyone was pretty funny, including Mel Gibson, playing the character we all believe him to be in real life.

11. (1450.) The Aztec Mummy Against the Humanoid Robot (1958)
Two-thirds of this Mexican B-movie is a recap of the previous two movies in this trilogy about greedy assholes stealing gold from a cursed Aztec tomb guardian. The last third involves building a robot from a corpse to kill a zombie. It has its moments.

12. (1451.) Wizards (1977)
Ralph Bakshi movies are always more meandering acid trips than functional narratives. This one spends most of its time invoking Nazi propaganda as the ultimate evil, then twists at the end to make the good guys look just as bad as everyone else. At least I think that's what happened.

13. (1452.) Old Acquaintance (1943)
Bette Davis and Miriam Hopkins are childhood friends who grow to become rivals in work and love. Davis plays the angel against Hopkins' bitch. The animosity between the two is palpable. Pretty good.

14. (1453.) Ghostbusters (2016)
Sure, it's not as good as the movie that inspired it, but rare indeed is the remake that outdoes its inspiration. The movie could have benefited from a director less indulgent of his star's ad libs. (It's most telling that Chris Hemsworth steals every scene he's in.) Still, not bad, assuming you can get past the rampant product placement.

More to come

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Movies. I watch movies. I watch stacks and stacks of movies. October movies part 3 of 3:

139. (1198.) Crippled Avengers (1978)
The sequel to martial arts masterpiece Five Deadly Venoms is essentially the exact same movie with the exact same actors. It does have some imaginatively choreographed and executed fight scenes, but it's best not to watch the two movies too closely together. In my case, that probably means not in the same year.

140. (1199.) The Puppetoon Movie (1987)
Hey, this whole movie is animated shorts that would have been played before movies! George Pal's Puppetoons are indeed impressive examples of stop motion animation, but like martial arts movies, are probably better served with some space in between.

141. (1200.) Diary of a Mad Black Woman (2005)
This was the first Madea movie. I knew that Tyler Perry's movies were based on his plays, but I expected that this incarnation of Madea would be a prototype compared to her later appearances. Nope. Madea is always Madea. The real difference is that in later movies, she get more screen time. In this case, I could have probably checked out after Madea takes a chainsaw to the living room.

142. (1201.) Daddy's Home (2015)
This didn't suck. I don't know why I thought it would suck or why I watched a movie that I thought would suck, but I did. And I laughed. Mark Wahlberg's ridiculous work out and CPR attempts were particular highlights.

143. (1202.) Spite Marriage (1929)
Buster Keaton's last silent film! It's just an excuse for some classic Keaton shenanigans in generally unconnected gags. If you ask, "why is he climbing that ship's mast?", you're paying too much attention. It's worth it for the bed routine alone.

That finally finishes October. More to come.

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When did the release of a movie trailer become something that gets hyped for weeks? A trailer isn't a movie, it's a commercial. It's 60 seconds of clips from a movie that are usually better than the movie itself. Is that worth getting excited about?

NBC and Disney seem to think it is. For the first week of the Olympics, they told me to hang on until Thursday, when I'd finally get my first taste of the new Star Wars movie in the form of a new trailer. Now the trailer has been released, and I have to wait only four more months until the film comes out. Hooray?

What's so magical about trailers? The new Marvel movie, Doctor Strange, runs a television ad suggesting I should sprint to the Internet to see the "full" trailer, as though it's too good for television. If it's that great, it will come to me. That's what good movies do; they transcend.

And is all this hype really necessary? Summer blockbusters are grossing half a billion dollars these days. If Louis B. Mayer got wind of that amount in the afterlife, he'd step out of his tomb and start making zombie musicals.

Ask yourself, is your life so terrible that the only thing keeping you going is the prospect of a new movie coming out for Christmas? If so, I suggest you need to see a psychiatrist, not a movie.

(For the record, I wasn't impressed with the Star Wars trailer. Can't they tell a story that doesn't have to do with prequels or sequels? That galaxy far, far away is starting to feel like a really small place. Also, part of the appeal of the Star Wars universe has always looked lived in, but now it looks like a fine layer of dirt has coated the camera lens, too. Ugh. That's what I want when I go to the movies: to watch a solid gray screen for 2 hours. What's wrong with color, Hollywood?)

Now get off my lawn.

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I was in a lousy mood, so instead of watching something new, I turned to an old favorite: UHF.

I can't speak for everyone, but some movies I have a personal relationship with. For example, I remember where I was and who I was with the first time I saw The Princess Bride, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, and Robin Hood: Men in Tights. For UHF, I remember the first day I didn't see it.

"Weird Al" Yankovic's foray into movies hit theaters in the summer of 1989. The weekend after my brother and I returned from camp (Trey from Camp MacIntosh and me from Boy Scout Camp Burt Adams) in July, Mom and Dad took us to the local multiplex. I wanted to see UHF, but the rest of the family voted for Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. I remember selflessly offering to let the others watch their movie while I watched UHF alone in a different theater. Mom said no. I wouldn't get to see the film until it was rented from Blockbuster a few months later.

UHF was — and still is — a brilliant piece of comedy film making. Most of the film is commercial and film parody in the style of Kentucky Fried Movie overlayed with a plot combining The Secret Life of Walter Mitty and the work of Harold Ramis (where the plot isn't as important as the jokes). The space between the parodies is filled with plenty of good, old fashioned Marx Brothers-style screwball and wordplay. Yankovic is no Danny Kaye, but he's supported by a sterling cast including Michael Richards, Fran Drescher, Kevin McCarthy, Victoria Jackson, Billy Barty, Anthony Geary, and Emo Philips, among others. If you're not laughing at UHF, you have no sense of humor.

Unfortunately, the movie was a flop. I think this may in part be due to its incredible competition. In addition to Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, UHF was up against Batman, Lethal Weapon 2, When Harry Met Sally, License to Kill, Dead Poets Society, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Ghostbusters 2, Weekend at Bernie's, The Karate Kid 3, and Field of Dreams. Ye-ouch. Hell, about the only movie that was out that week that I still haven't seen is Spike Lee's Do the Right Thing. (I've been thinking that it's about time I corrected that oversight.)

The performance of comedies are notoriously unpredictable, making financing difficult. I doesn't help when your comedy is dumped in the middle of the summer blockbuster season. Therefore, it's no surprise that there was never a follow-up. It may be a shame that the world was denied more of Yankovic's madcap antics on the big screen, but at least we'll always have UHF.

Thanks, Al.

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No time like the present to start cataloging movies watched in January 2015.

1. (748.) Advise & Consent (1962)
What a great choice to start the year. I loved this movie. Maybe I loved it because of Walter Pidgeon (in the role he was born to play!), or maybe because it confirms my view of Washington politics as a boys club where there is a lot of sturm und drang over nothing. Or maybe I just like director Otto Preminger's style. In any case, it's just a great film.

2. (749.) Rhapsody in Blue (1945)
An incredibly fictionalized account of the short life of Leonard Cohen. I'm not a fan of Cohen's musicals, but I do like Rhapsody in Blue.

3. (750.) Psycho (1960)
No, I had never seen Psycho. I think this is mainly due to the fact that I already knew the twist. But what a fool I have been! It's a great movie even when you know where it's going. I'll bet watching it without knowing the ending must have made it the best movie-going experience of 1960.

4. (751.) The Cheap Detective (1978)
This Mad Magazine-style mash-up parody of Humphrey Bogart movies was entertaining enough, but what it really did was make me think I could be better spending my time watching the originals again.

5. (752.) Plaza Suite (1971)
January was Neil Simon month on TCM, and it's taught me I like Simon's plays more than I like the movies made from them. This film would be way better if it wasn't a misguided star vehicle for Walter Matthau (who I happen to like immensely as an actor). He's miscast horribly in the first two acts, and his wig in the second act might as well be its own character. If I had to watch again, I'd much rather see this on a stage.

6. (753.) Carnal Knowledge (1971)
I mentioned above that Psycho is still fantastic even after all this time. The same cannot be said for Carnal Knowledge. Sometimes you see something that has become so outdated that it's hard to imagine how revolutionary it might have been in its time. Emmerson's Self-Reliance springs to mind, as does every performance by Jack Nicholson before Chinatown. I'm sure Carnal Knowldge turned the world upside down in 1971, but today it's strictly a cautionary tale for kids in high schools.

7. (754.) Sidewalks of New York (1931)
This is a Buster Keaton talkie, and it's a perfect example of how sound ruined his career. The physical comedy is top notch, but the dialogue is terrible, especially when it's being delivered by Keaton. It's best to watch with closed captioning on.

More to come.

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January 2014 movies, part 2 of 2:

10. (547.) What! No Beer? (1933)
I've never liked Jimmy Durante. This movie doesn't help. Buster Keaton tries to rescue this slapstick farce, but it's not his best work, either.

11. (548.) Midnight (1939)
I'm often on the fence about screwball comedies. They tend to be a little too silly for my taste. This is better than most, thanks mostly to some snappy dialogue by Billy Wilder.

12. (549.) Penguin Pool Murder (1932)
Do you ever watch a movie and wonder "what were they thinking to cast that person"? This is one of those. The protagonist is — not unlikable so much as unlikely.

13. (550.) Salinger (2013)
The first documentary of the year! This would probably be a good time to mention that I HATE Catcher in the Rye. I now don't see a whole lot to like about its author, either.

14. (551.) These Are the Damned (1963)
This British B-picture doesn't do a very good job intermingling its A and B plots. It could probably be greatly improved with a better edit.

15. (552.) Rollercoaster (1977)
George Segal must save America from a mad rollercoaster bomber! A fun thriller, only slightly more plausible than Black Sunday or its ilk.

16. (553.) It's a Great Feeling (1949)
If not for the ending, this might as well be an in-house promotion for Warner Brothers' stable of talent. It's amusing, if a bit scatter shot. The moral of the story is that you'd be happier staying at home than running off and joining the circus in Hollywood. Amusing.

17. (554.) Dolphin Tale (2011)
Sappy, sappy, sappy. Free Willy for Millennials.

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I'm going to go finish my November movies in 2 posts, one today and one next week. I went for quality, not quantity in November, and as a result really enjoyed myself.

200. (507.) Inherit the Wind (1960)
Why hadn't I seen this sooner? Gene Kelly's character, a super-cynical reporter, may be my new personal role model.

203. (510.) It Should Happen to You (1954)
Jack Lemmon's first film is essentially the Paris Hilton story of a talentless woman who buys her way to fame. Very cute.

205. (512.) Go West (1925)
Buster Keaton knew funny; each of his movies is a master class in comic timing.

206. (513.) Crossfire (1947)
This morality play pairing Robert Mitchum and Robert Young is a little heavy-handed on the "antisemitism is bad." I read that the original novel keyed on homosexuality instead. That would have made a little more sense than watching a bunch of GIs after World War II murdering the same people that Hitler had just been killing. However, it would probably be a hard sell for a studio even in 2013.

207. (514.) The Party (1968)
This movie is fantastic until the climax, when a bunch of hippie teenagers arrive with an elephant and take a bubble bath. They really do still make movies like this, generally directed by the Farrelly Brothers.

208. (515.) The Valley of Gwangi (1969)
This drive-in fodder is nothing more than a King Kong remake featuring some impressive Ray Harryhausen effects. Worth a look if you like stop motion, but perhaps the worst movie I watched all month.

More to come.

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Third of three sets of 8 movies from September. (Almost done!)

167. (474.) Three Ages (1923)
Buster Keaton's first movie as writer/director/producer/actor. It's pretty darn funny. This Buster Keaton guy might have a career.

168. (475.) The Maiden Heist (2009)
Sometimes movies don't try to be anything more than a polite diversion from reality for a couple of hours. This is one of those. Let's call it a "gentle caper film." Charming in its own way.

169. (476.) The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920)
Widely called the first horror film, this movie isn't so horror-able as it is just plain weird. If you've never seen it, give it a look. I think you'll be satisfied.

170. (477.) Vampyr (1932)
This is another early silent horror film. Story is sacrificed for atmosphere, but why weigh down visuals this creepy with complicated plot? Again, if you haven't seen it, you might want to take a look.

171. (478.) Lifeboat (1944)
I debated whether to put this movie on my list. I was convinced that I had never seen this Hitchcock film, but while watching it I began to wonder otherwise. It was familiar and predictable. Did I see it and forget about it? That seems unlikely. Maybe I half watched it while doing something else. Maybe I'd seen parts of it. In any event, I'm sure I've never given it my full attention all the way through, so I decided to add it to the list of "new" movies. As for whether I liked it, yes, I did.

172. (479.) Creature with the Atom Brain (1955)
Midway through this noirish crime story involving Frankenstein-ian physics, the protagonist police chemist comes home and gripes that his wife should be giving him a drink, not some lip about how his daughter misbehaved that day. I found this super amusing, in part because the protagonist had exactly the same job as DC Comics' Flash character who debuted in 1956. Is that how Flash (Barry Allen) would have treated his fiancee Iris after a hard day of detective work? Probably, yes.

173. (480.) Detective Kitty O'Day (1944)
Kitty O'Day is no Nancy Drew. After all other suspects are murdered, Kitty turns to the one surviving suspect for help. Guess which suspect is the murderer? If you can imaging a 30-minute I Love Lucy episode drawn out for over an hour, you've already seen this movie.

174. (481.) The Farmer's Wife (1928)
It must have been evident to everyone that the director of this silent comedy — some nobody named Alfred Hitchcock — would go on to great things. The shots are held too long (typical of the silent era), but the blocking, pacing, editing, and camera work are otherwise all impressive for a movie of the era.

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Movies from August, part 2 of 2:

140. (447.) Safe (2012)
I do not remember this movie by title. Maybe if the title had been "Jason Statham Saves Little Girl from Mob (Again. In New York)," then maybe. It's not a bad movie, it's just not very differentiable from most of Jason Statham's other action movies.

141. (448.) Heat (1986)
The first of two Burt Reynolds movies I watched back-to-back. In this one, he's a mercenary who teaches Peter MacNicol to be a real man. If it wasn't for the foul language, I'd've thought this was a made-for-TV movie. I think William Goldman was trying to write a story about a relatively simple man who becomes victim to his own unique successes. As directed it is little more than a long episode of The Equalizer.

142. (449.) Stick (1985)
Burt part two. This is a better movie, partly because Burt's first sidekick is wearing a vintage Miami Dolphins' t-shirt. If I tell you it's based on an Elmore Leonard crime story (he died 6 days after I watched this), you can probably imagine what this is like.

143. (450.) The Brothers Solomon (2007)
Far funnier than anything this stupid has any right to be. When Mom found out that this movie was about two unwed brothers trying to have children to make their dying parent happy, she insisted on watching with me. I think she was trying to discover if I had any similar goal as the movie's protagonists. For the record, I do not.

144. (451.) Callaway Went Thataway (1951)
Fred MacMurray shines in this cynical poke at the Hopalong Cassidy phenomenon. As a fan of television history, I found it very entertaining.

145. (452.) The Falcon's Adventure (1946)
I know that I said last month that I watched 3 Falcon movies, but I really just watched two and saved this one for later. This one was probably the best, though it was just as needlessly complicated as the others.

146. (453.) A Cat in Paris (2010)
The cat isn't really the protagonist of this French animated caper film (the cat's little girl is). Did I enjoy the movie in spite of because of this fact?

147. (454.) Defendor (2009)
Covers the same ground as Kick-Ass, probably more realistically. I'm quite satisfied that my superheroes are just fantasy. I do not want to meet any real supervillains.

148. (455.) Nick Carter, Master Detective (1939)
This movie marries pre-war espionage, military sabotage, and private detectives. That should be a formula for gangbusters entertainment. Too bad this film fumbles it.

149. (456.) The Wendell Baker Story (2005)
I think that Luke Wilson knows exactly how likable he is. Wherever you find Luke, brother Owen won't be too far behind. But what is Kris Kristofferson doing slumming in an indie comedy like this?

150. (457.) Heaven Can Wait (1943)
I started watching this expecting it to be the precursor to the Warren Beatty film of the same name. Sadly, this film has nothing to do with that one. The protagonist starts the film explaining to Satan that he is destined to spend eternity in Hell, then spends the next 2 hours giving not even a shred of evidence to support that assumption. The Devil takes that discovery far better than I did.

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As I mentioned before, I liked the movie Dredd. As I also mentioned before, I was the only one in the theater when I saw it. If you're paying attention, you can probably guess that Dredd was not exactly a money-making blockbuster in theatrical release. Fortunately, the film has done much better in DVD release, which is why I'm mentioning it again.

Dredd's publisher, 2000 A.D., has put together an online petition to help convince the movie's producers that the fans want more. So if you're one of the people that I have told how great Dredd was then watched it yourself on DVD and realized I was right, you can now repay me by signing the petition online here. (Or, if you're a Facebook type person, here.)

Go. Sign up. Tell your friends. We need more Dredd.

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