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3. The story of Mr. Tom Spy

Mr. Tom Spy was dedicated to his craft: he peeped on everyone everywhere. Blindly wandering wherever the peeping opportunity took him, he shadowed a Rogue out of the City and followed a Magus into the Woods. That proved to be his undoing.

Although Mr. Spy was good at looking at things such as tombstones in The Graveyard, he was terribly unprepared when things looked back. A Living Doll chased Mr. Spy all the way back to the City, where Tom conned an Alchemist into buying "his" doll for one gold piece.

Mr. Spy returned to the Woods only to discover that the Magus had left. Night fell suddenly and the Woods soon filled with horrible creatures like the Crypt Keeper. In no time at all, Mr. Spy was attacked by a Wolfen and infected with the dread disease of Lycanthropy.

Rushing back to the City unaware that he was being followed, Mr. Spy hoped to use his gold piece to buy a cure. However, Fate was not to be so kind. While Mr. Spy was distracted by a City Rat, a menacing Werewolf fell upon him and killed him. The End.

3 (cont'd). The story of Lady Valkyrie

The Valkyrie began her quest to purge the world of evil in the Ruins. Knowing that money was the root of all evil, she headed to the City, where she killed the City Rat and convinced the City Patrol to clean up the streets.

The good Lady Valkyrie next headed to the Graveyard, where she prayed and had her Life restored. She next ventured to and drank from the Fountain of Wisdom, improving her Craft.

Emboldened, she headed into the Crags, where she befriended a Beastmaster and a Magpie and a found a Magic Mace and Horns of Power (as well as a useless Lodestone). The mysterious even Ymir's Glow empowered her with spells! Defeating a Wind Rider, she proceeded to defeat the Lord of the Eyrie and take his precious Rage Talon. The End.

...

Talisman, game three. (Games 1 and 2 here.) I've decided that I enjoy writing these little character vignettes more than I enjoy playing Talisman.

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Every year, I say I'm going to post more art here. This counts.

That's the Georgia Southern mascot Gus and the UGA mascot Uga drawn for a nursery wall. As I understand it, one wall of the nursery will be painted to look like a football field. Isn't it good to know that some babies are still raised with the right values?

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Yesterday I attended James' birthday at Medieval Times. I look so happy to be there.

While I'm showing pictures, the wedding pictures from last week came in. I look so happy to be there.

Walter only has two expressions: scowling and this, my all purpose face which I call "not scowling."

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1. The story of Dwarfy McDwarf

Dwarfy McDwarf was a self-centered dwarf from the Crags in search of adventure. Dwarfy wandered into the Highlands where he bravely dared Narrow and Icy Paths. Dwarfy slayed Harpies and Hippogrifs galore, gaining tremendous Strength in the process. Dwarfy's exploits in the Highlands earned him several Followers, all of whom quickly succumbed to the deadly dragon's breath of the Dragon King.

Dwarfy headed to the Dungeon to test his mettle. Dwarfy found an abundance of gold, weapons, armor, and trinkets in the Dungeon. Nothing in the Dungeon could survive Dwarfy's unmatched Strength. After a brief detour to avoid the Dungeon Torturer, Dwarfy easily beat the Lord of the Dungeon in single combat.

Determined to find a real challenge, Dwarfy marched undaunted to the lair of the Dragon King, pausing only long enough to engage the services of a Tavern Maid. In the end, the Dragon King presented little challenge for Dwarfy, and Dwarfy assumed the Crown of Command and lived happily ever after. The End.

2. The story of the Necromancer

The evil Necromancer left the Graveyard and soon found a powerful Skull Wand. He sought out the Village Mystic in search of more power. The Mystic unexpectedly turned the evil Necromancer good, forcing the Necromancer to relinquish control of the Skull Wand.

The good Necromancer wandered the region in search of a method to restore his evilness. The Necromancer was eventually joined by an unlikely Follower, Red Riding Hood, whose "help" would ultimately prove a bane. The Necromancer returned frequently to the Village Mystic, who eventually relented and turned the good Necromancer evil again.

By this time, a very Crafty Assassin had found the abandoned Skull Wand and made off with it. The evil Necromancer vowed to track down and overpower the Assassin to recover his precious Skull Wand, but he knew that he would have to improve his Strength and/or Craft before confronting the Assassin.

The evil Necromancer visited the Dungeon in search of Strength and Craft, but was soon chased out empty-handed by a powerful Battlehulk hunting Red Riding Hood.

The evil Necromancer searched the Outer Region in search of Strength and Craft, but was soon chased out empty-handed by a powerful Fire Giant hunting Red Riding Hood.

The evil Necromancer roamed the Highlands in search of Strength and Craft, and here he collected countless objects, survived two Avalanches, earned the loyalty of several followers, and effortlessly defeated the Eagle King. Despite all these adventures, the evil Necromancer was unable to ever gain any Strength or hone his Craft or find any sign of the Skull Wand ever again. The End.

...

I played my first two games of Talisman this past weekend. You can probably tell which of the two games I enjoyed more.

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Trey berated me for falling off the pace of 150 movies in January. I only watched 12 instead of the 13 I need to average each month to see 150 new-to-me movies this year. Figuring that come September, most of my time will be devoted to football, he's probably right. So I doubled my efforts in February and watched 30 movies!

Since 30 movies is a lot to cover, I'm going to break this up into multiple posts, partly because I can't spend a lot of time typing this: I'm behind on a few projects now.

13. Faster (2010)
I think there is supposed to be a shocking twist ending in this revenge fantasy, but it was pretty obvious in the first 5 minutes of the movie. I still enjoyed the film, but I felt I should have checked my brain at the door.

14. Up in the Air (2009)
A fantastic film. I'm sure some people will find it to be a downer, but I found this movie about a professional hatchet-man who walks through life as through he was wearing a platinum-coated plastic bubble quite life affirming. Highly recommended.

15. The Book of Eli (2010)
Speaking of movies with unnecessary twists, I didn't realize that there was supposed to be a twist in the ending of this film until Trey told me afterwards. I admit that I was distracted while most of this film was running, partially because I had such a hard time buying into the premise. The action scenes were greatly entertaining but the directors seemed far less confident working the dramatic character scenes. I watched the "reveal" twice because I suspected I was missing the closure for Gary Oldman's weakly-defined character. (When Oldman is forced to play a pastiche of previous, better characters, you know the director and writer aren't giving him much help.) Apparently, since the mind-blowing twist wasn't necessary to the film, I wasn't missing anything.

16. Freakonomics (2010)
I stumbled into this documentary anthology about applied economics figuring that I could listen to it while do something else. That worked great for several segments, but the extended bit about the corruption in sumo wrestling had Japanese dialogue and subtitles, forcing me to pay full attention. I don't regret watching it, I just should have chosen something else knowing what I know now.

17. Strange Wilderness (2008)
Steve Zahn, Jonah Hill, Justin Long, Ernest Borgnine: how can you go wrong with this cast in a Happy Madison movie? This movie tries. (It's still funny, but I did feel that an opportunity for greatness was wasted.)

18. Rio (2011)
Really, I think I'm sick of Jesse Eisenberg, and I haven't even watched Social Network yet. (It's on the DVR, but I haven't yet worked up the nerve to watch it.) He seemed totally wrong in the lead role here.

19. Zookeeper (2011)
I was working in the basement when Mom started laughing hysterically upstairs. I rushed upstairs to see what the fun was, and she was watching this movie. Later that week, Dad called me and told me that he had just watched the funniest movie ever: this movie. So I gave in and watched this movie. America, you need help.

20. Grand Hotel (1932)
To recover from Zookeeper, I watched a Hollywood classic. I feel the same way about Grand Hotel that I feel about Ralph Waldo Emerson's essays: by the time it got to me, I'd seen so many derivatives that were superior that the original felt lackluster. The original is not always the best.

21. Mega Shark Versus Crocosaurus (2010)
Okay, so not every movie I watch is going to be a classic. I can live with that. There's still satisfaction in watching Urkel fight a size-changing crocodile with an assualt rifle.

22. Paul (2011)
Trey says that no movie in which a dog is killed is worth watching, so he'd best not watch Paul. The dog is killed at the beginning of the film simply as an excuse to explain why the alien has to get from point A to point B so that there are ample opportunities for misadventures. It's a little irritating once you realize what's going on.
On another note, my favorite part of this movie was Jason Bateman. Last month, Keith asked why I bothered to watch The Switch. My answer was Jason Bateman. He may have let me down there, but he was the main reason I kept watching Paul to the end.

23. The Back-Up Plan (2010)
This is the first movie that I watched that left me in a bad mood. Angry, even. Damn, thinking about it still pisses me off. I yelled at Mother afterwards for selecting this film. (Sorry, Mom. You didn't write, direct, or star in this turd.) Never, ever watch this movie.

24. Howl's Moving Castle (2004)
The antidote to The Back-Up Plan. Cute, engaging entertainment.

25. The Apartment (1960)
I was surprised when this movie made a direct reference to Grand Hotel in the first 20 minutes. Both won Best Picture Oscars, and after digesting this honest film about dishonesty for a few days, I can see why.

26. The Ox-Bow Incident (1943)
I really enjoyed this film. It's like a courtroom drama set in the Old West where the jury is replaced by a lynch mob. Like The Apartment, the years have been kind to it.

27. Cat Ballou (1965)
Jane Fonda is the star of this comedy/musical/western, which isn't as clever as it would like you to think it is going to be. When the entire movie is stolen by a horse that crosses its legs in the last 5 minutes of film, it can't really be called a success. I'm sure some people find this film hysterical, but then again, some people seem to think there's nothing funnier than Zookeeper, either.

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Tomorrow I will attend the wedding of a fellow I've known for more than a few years. In fact, I owe him for getting me a job at a comic book store in the 1990s. I sure did love that job.

For the record, my first day on the job was Keith's last. I guess he was supposed to be training me, but instead he only taught me that running a comic book shop was so easy, you could spend the whole day playing Star Wars: Rebellion on the store computer. His "work" was interrupted when he decided that a stereotypically ethnic customer was shoplifting packs of collectible card games. When confronted, the suspect put his hand in his coat, as though going for a gun. Keith kept his head -- which is not Keith's defining personality trait -- and thanks to the timely intervention of customer Cliff Krapp, who employed an unusual strategy of "respect"-ing potential shoplifters, was able to recover the merchandise and remove the potential offender with no further incident. (Where was I? I was on the phone with the police crouching safely behind the largest, heaviest piece of furniture in the building. Safety first!)

Anyway, so now Keith is joining a different, much more exclusive club. While it won't offer him the same great discount on comic books, I presume it offers other benefits. There's no way those benefits are as great as cheap comic books, but I figure I owe him the benefit of the doubt. Best of luck, buddy.

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A cleric, a monk, and a druid stood together against the malicious, knife-wielding creeper. The clank of sword on steel echoed down the hall, the sounds of battle from the adventuring party's lone fighter.

Pausing just long enough to cast a quick spell against the creeper, the cleric hustled away to tend to the fighter. The druid was worried. The departing cleric gave an encouraging wink to the druid, "Don't worry; you've got this."

As fluid as water, the monk struck the creeper and sprinted away towards the fighter's opponent. The druid still had doubt. The darting monk gravely reassured to the druid, "He said you've got this."

With the violence of a snake, the creeper hurled a knife that struck the druid's chest. The druid was visibly upset. The creeper said to the druid with a giggle, "You've got this!"

Like the proverbial sack of potatoes, the wounded druid crumpled to the ground. The druid sighed. Said the druid to himself, "Were they talking to me?"

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