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Prior to this post, I have used 628 distinct keywords here on wriphe.com. That seems like way too many, until I realize that I've been blogging for nearly 9 years. That's almost 70 unique keywords a year! I didn't know that I had that much to say. (I suspect that several of you reading this plan to tell me that you already knew that I talk too much. Well, fuck you.)

Of those keywords, 392 have been used exactly once. Those include some words that I'll eventually use again, like "bizarro," "owens," and "posts I could probably get sued for" and some words that I probably won't, like "fushigi," "pat boone," and "superman returns totally sucks."

I could just tell you what the top 10 keywords used by wriphe.com are, but isn't it more fun to guess? Just type your answers into the box below, and click submit to see if you're right. Capitalization doesn't count, but spelling does. I'll give you one hint: "poodles" didn't make the list.

1. (110) ________
2. (100) ________
3. (85) ________
4. (73) ________
5. (67) ________
6. (tied, 62) ________
6. (tied, 62) ________
6. (tied, 62) ________
9. (59) ________
10. (54) ________

Now I'll just tag this blog entry with the unique keyword "keywords," just so that when I revisit this topic in 2020, you'll be sure to see something new.

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Have you seen those tv spots for the "magic gravity ball," Fushigi? I swear they are everywhere. I can't watch a whole episode of Hannah Montana anymore without bumping into this ad a dozen times:

No, I am not mesmerized. It's just a ball. What's so amazing about a ball? There's no illusion there. It's a ball. Maybe I'm over-educated for this product. I went to art school. I have a degree in art. You know what I see? Some douche rolling a ball between his hands! Are Americans so stupid that they don't recognize a fucking ball anymore?

I've got bad news for you America: that's not juggling. "Contact juggling" is marketing speak for "holding a ball." It's not floating if you are holding it. It's not levitating if it sits on your arm. It's single, non-mind-blowing movement -- rolling like a ball -- is not blowing my mind. I'm supposed to be amazed when a ball acts like a ball? Seriously? Act now and they will throw in a DVD including "everything you need to know to unlock the secrets of Fushigi!" If you need a movie to show you what a ball can do, you're probably someone who thinks it's a good idea to stick marbles up your own nose.

To make matters worse, they are charging $19.99 for this thing. That's right, $19.99 for a plastic ball! Holy crap. Who has to spend $19.99 to play with some balls? In 1984, a brand new, die-cast metal Optimus Prime Transformer cost me $19.99. Now plastic balls cost $19.99? I'm too old for this shit.

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: advertising ball fushigi

To be continued...

 

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