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Have you seen those tv spots for the "magic gravity ball," Fushigi? I swear they are everywhere. I can't watch a whole episode of Hannah Montana anymore without bumping into this ad a dozen times:

No, I am not mesmerized. It's just a ball. What's so amazing about a ball? There's no illusion there. It's a ball. Maybe I'm over-educated for this product. I went to art school. I have a degree in art. You know what I see? Some douche rolling a ball between his hands! Are Americans so stupid that they don't recognize a fucking ball anymore?

I've got bad news for you America: that's not juggling. "Contact juggling" is marketing speak for "holding a ball." It's not floating if you are holding it. It's not levitating if it sits on your arm. It's single, non-mind-blowing movement -- rolling like a ball -- is not blowing my mind. I'm supposed to be amazed when a ball acts like a ball? Seriously? Act now and they will throw in a DVD including "everything you need to know to unlock the secrets of Fushigi!" If you need a movie to show you what a ball can do, you're probably someone who thinks it's a good idea to stick marbles up your own nose.

To make matters worse, they are charging $19.99 for this thing. That's right, $19.99 for a plastic ball! Holy crap. Who has to spend $19.99 to play with some balls? In 1984, a brand new, die-cast metal Optimus Prime Transformer cost me $19.99. Now plastic balls cost $19.99? I'm too old for this shit.

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To be continued...


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