Wriphe.com: The Blog 2024

February movies continued:

28. Rubber (2010)
Seinfeld used to brag that it was a television show about nothing. Wrong. This movie was about nothing. I really didn't know that anyone was still working in the Theater of the Absurd, but there it is. It's not bad for experimental theater, but then making it better would also have made it less experimental, I suppose.

29. Kiss Me Kill Me (1973)
A little sex, a little super-natural conspiracy, a little art-house: this movie was made for drive-ins. Satisfying in oh so many ways. This film was also released as Baba Yaga, Devil Witch, so maybe I should count it as two movies?

30. I Killed That Man (1941)
This is a b-movie detective story that would have run as a movie-house undercard back in the day. Really, it's not too different than modern television police procedurals.

31. The Wasp Woman (1959)
In a sentence: trying to recapture her lost youth, the head of a cosmetics company takes an experimental drug that turns her into a giant wasp. It is what you think it is.

32. Marty (1955)
Another Best Picture winner, and the film that made Ernest Borgnine. It watches like a 1950s television drama because it was adapted from a television drama. If you like that sort of thing, you'll love this; as good as 1950s television drama gets.

33. Kramer vs. Kramer (1979)
I like Dustin Hoffman, but I avoided watching this for years because I figured that it wasn't the type of movie I like to watch. It's very, very good. But it isn't the type of movie I like to watch. This was the fourth Best Picture Oscar winner that I watched this month, and it wasn't the last.

34. Religulous (2008)
Bill Maher's assault on religion would have been more entertaining if it wasn't so damn belligerent. Bill, if your argument is so strong, you shouldn't have to try so hard to make it.

35. The Protector (2005)
Friend Brian recommended this movie years ago, and he was totally right. (That will be the first and only time I say that, Coop, so enjoy it.) The kung-fu action is simply top-notch.

36. 8Â½ (1963)
This is the first film I watched in 2012 that had me thinking about it for days after watching it. I'm still not sure whether I like it, but I think that very aspect of it is why so many critics call it such a great film.

37. Planet Terror (2007)
This was the second movie I watched this month that made me actively angry after it was over. I knew going in that I hate zombie movies, and this film contains every reason why with excessive gore and violence, impossible fantasy presented as science, stupid characters, and everyone losing in the end as civilization collapses. Ugh. Take note, Trey: this is the second movie this month that kills a dog. Unlike Paul, which killed a dog in order to motivate the characters, this movie kills a dog just to kill a dog. That's unforgivable, even in a film that pretends not to be taking itself seriously. The movie kills a child -- self-inflicted gunshot wound -- for the same reason. There is no message in this movie, so is this non-stop meaningless death is supposed to be entertainment? Zookeeper was better than this. I swear, I will never watch another zombie movie ever. EVER.

38. The Scarlet Pimpernel (1934)
They really, really don't make films like this anymore. It's a good film with an entertaining mix of adventure and romance, but these days there would have to be some foolish sidekick, a chase scene, and far more violence -- this film has none to speak of. This film has been remade several times, and I look forward to seeing if the more recent versions aren't more of what I expected from Hollywood.

39. The Help (2011)
Mom voted that we watch this film rather than watch the Academy Awards. I'm glad we did. (I love you, Emma Stone.)

40. Kisses for My President (1964)
The last time I saw Fred MacMurry, he was an adulterer in The Apartment. In this film, he is the devoted husband of the first female U.S. President. If you are familiar with My Three Sons of The Shaggy D.A., you know what this film is. The best part of this light comedy is the archaic attitude towards women in power. Unless, of course, you are a Rush Limbaugh supporter.

If you've been counting, you'll note that, yes, there are two more films I watched in February that aren't on this list. I'll get to them in a later post.

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A cleric, a monk, and a druid stood together against the malicious, knife-wielding creeper. The clank of sword on steel echoed down the hall, the sounds of battle from the adventuring party's lone fighter.

Pausing just long enough to cast a quick spell against the creeper, the cleric hustled away to tend to the fighter. The druid was worried. The departing cleric gave an encouraging wink to the druid, "Don't worry; you've got this."

As fluid as water, the monk struck the creeper and sprinted away towards the fighter's opponent. The druid still had doubt. The darting monk gravely reassured to the druid, "He said you've got this."

With the violence of a snake, the creeper hurled a knife that struck the druid's chest. The druid was visibly upset. The creeper said to the druid with a giggle, "You've got this!"

Like the proverbial sack of potatoes, the wounded druid crumpled to the ground. The druid sighed. Said the druid to himself, "Were they talking to me?"

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Three things of note today:

1: May 25 is International Towel Day, a day of celebrating the life and works of Douglas Adams by carrying around a towel. If you don't know why carrying a towel is a relevant way to celebrate or even who Douglas Adams was (hint: he's a brilliant, deceased British author), you can probably skip this event.

2: May 25 is International Lilac Day, a day of support for the life and works of Alzheimer's Disease patient Terry Pratchett by wearing a lilac. If you don't know who Terry Pratchet is (hint: he's a brilliant, diseased British author), you may still want to wear a lilac in support of Alzheimer's sufferers everywhere.

3: Remember my friend Brian? (Refresh your memory here.) Well, I haven't heard if he's survived his trip, but someone is posting images of his trip on his Facebook account. And I am sooo jealous of him now:

Threesome with Penn Jilette!

That's Brian with Penn Jilette. If you don't know who Penn Jilette is (hint: he's a brilliant, living American entertainer. Bonus hint: he's the one in the middle above.), then I have to say that I'm beginning to wonder what you're doing reading this blog.

Kudos, Brian. Whether you are now dead or married, I'm sure it was totally worth it to meet Penn Jilette.

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In Memoriam: Brian Cooper (b. 1980-something, d? 2010)

He liked pancakes.

Today my friend Brian is going to board an airplane to meet a girl who thought his Facebook profile pic was cute enough that she contacted him out the blue and offered to fly him to Las Vegas to "see some shows." Since the only two possible outcomes of this encounter are that by the end of the week Brian ends up either married or dead, I'm going to go ahead and offer my condolences. On the upside, there's a better than 50% chance that Brian ends up in an episode of CSI.

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After a very busy weekend, I finally sat down and watched the new James Bond movie. I know that I promised that I would NEVER watch a Bond movie again after the insultingly awful Die Another Day, but I did get to watch this for free, borrowing a copy from a friend who enjoyed it, thereby giving the producers not a cent from my perusal of their film. And it was worth every penny I paid to see it.

In a word, Casino Royale is boring. (But at least it was long!) The first hour sets up the second hour. The second hour sets up the third. And the third hour is completely unnecessary.

Several people I know championed this film as a return to greatness for the Bond franchise. This is a second-rate action film passing itself off as a pedigree. Coop, if my opinion of your taste in movies needed any more nails, this one sealed the coffin. Don't let pretty eye-candy and some above average stunts distract you from the poor craftsmanship and complete lack of competent visual storytelling.

Sure, it was better than Die Another Day, but that doesn't say anything. So was Catwoman.

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Last month I ran a series of cartoons depicting an incident with my dear, dear friend Brian Cooper when he "accidently" tossed a full glass of Coke on my notes during a gaming session. Well, last week I got him back. His character, Balgren, was consumed by a Bag of Devouring. (He dove in to try to recover a companion. Sure, Balgren tried to take a Bottle of Air into the Devourer's maw, but that didn't help him much.) Needless to say, we all had a good laugh at Brian's expense.

Turns out Brian had a birthday this week. As a present, a mutual friend of ours (Ken Harrison) drew a birthday card for him:

Bob Sings!