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Perhaps I might have enjoyed the Aquaman movie if it had been more grounded in reality like the comic books.

You should see what he can do with a watermelon
from "Aquaman Duels the Animal-Master!" Adventure Comics #261 (1959)

Oh. Nevermind.

(In the following issue, he also has control of seagulls. First fish, then mammals, then birds. I'm sure that hydrocephalic babies are next. Logically, that's called a slippery slope argument. Aquaman probably controls that, too.)

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They can stop making super hero movies now.

53. (1492.) Aquaman (2018)

What a film. Those underwater effects, especially that CGI hair! That chemistry between the male and female leads! And all that that murder! (Our heroes kill, what, hundreds? Thousands? Bah, they had it coming! Get 'er done!) I don't have the words. Simply indescribable.

I suppose if I wanted to pick at nits, I could ask how someone with skin strong enough to resist grenade blasts could get a chest full of tattoos. Or why he wears his boots in the water. Or why he can swim faster by not kicking his legs. Or how he knows the secret Atlantean technique to spin a trident that his brother, the trained Atlantean warrior, doesn't. Or many, many other things. But Aquaman doesn't care about such things. Who's got time for details when you've got a whole ocean of things to kill, dude bro!

Hands down, my favorite quote was when Aquaman was riding in his girlfriend's magical underwater car and says "Shit happens." Boy, does it!

Good luck topping that, Shazam!.

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To be continued...

 

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