From today's horrorscope calendar entry:

Try not to take risks when working out. You're extremely accident-prone. Also, don't speed when driving and don't lift anything that can throw out your back.

I know the stars are looking out for me, but do I really need to be warned not to speed? Isn't that what the law against speeding is for? Will next month the calendar warn me against fraud or murder? If I'm the sort of person who looked to a calendar for that sort of advice, I probably shouldn't be allowed to drive.

Frankly, I should just be satisfied that the calendar didn't tell me that I should be buying a house or falling in love today (as it does on February 7, 14, 16, 20, 21, 24, 26, and 30 — a favorable day to "meet new sweethearts with healthy bank accounts").

Speaking of reading ahead, no less a star than the eminent time traveler Emmett "Doc" Brown warns against knowing what the future holds for a reason. I mean, what am I supposed to do with the warning that awaits me on February 11?

Be careful when working out. You're extremely accident-prone today. Also, don't speed when driving to and from work. You could wind up in a fender bender.

At least I'll get to do whatever I want with my back, which means I should be free to pick up the calendar and relocate it to the trashcan. But I'm so accident prone, I might give myself a papercut in the process.

UPDATE 2021-02-12: Oops. This post should really be about March 6. See my correction post on February 12.

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: horrorscope walter

To be continued...

 

Search: