Showing 1 - 10 of 11 posts found matching keyword: olympics

Finishing off movies from July:

69. (1007.) You Said a Mouthful (1932)
I think I've said this before, but Joe E. Brown was the Adam Sandler of the 20s and 30s. This light comedy of errors generates the occasional smile, but it's hardly must-see watching.

70. (1008.) Donovan's Brain (1953)
In this science fiction thriller, a scientist makes the mistake of saving the brain of an evil capitalist. The thoughts of the brain are too powerful to be contained in a single tank, and things go downhill for everyone involved. I liked this movie a lot but felt it fumbled the ending where Nancy Reagan should have been revealed as the master manipulator. Maybe I was reading too much real life into it.

71. (1009.) The Drowning Pool (1975)
This film noir detective mystery is a sequel to Harper, also featuring Paul Newman in the title role. It lacks the previous movie's seditious Hollywood Babylon elements, but is plenty entertaining in its own right. (I just love detective movies.)

72. (1010.) Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (2016)
A stupid comedy that is more fun than it ought to be. I think the actors/actresses had a great time drinking and clowning in the Hawaiian sun, and it shows.

Fair warning: So far, I've watched exactly one movie in August. There's been way too much Olympics on television to have time for scripted entertainment. We'll see what happens when the games are over.

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When did the release of a movie trailer become something that gets hyped for weeks? A trailer isn't a movie, it's a commercial. It's 60 seconds of clips from a movie that are usually better than the movie itself. Is that worth getting excited about?

NBC and Disney seem to think it is. For the first week of the Olympics, they told me to hang on until Thursday, when I'd finally get my first taste of the new Star Wars movie in the form of a new trailer. Now the trailer has been released, and I have to wait only four more months until the film comes out. Hooray?

What's so magical about trailers? The new Marvel movie, Doctor Strange, runs a television ad suggesting I should sprint to the Internet to see the "full" trailer, as though it's too good for television. If it's that great, it will come to me. That's what good movies do; they transcend.

And is all this hype really necessary? Summer blockbusters are grossing half a billion dollars these days. If Louis B. Mayer got wind of that amount in the afterlife, he'd step out of his tomb and start making zombie musicals.

Ask yourself, is your life so terrible that the only thing keeping you going is the prospect of a new movie coming out for Christmas? If so, I suggest you need to see a psychiatrist, not a movie.

(For the record, I wasn't impressed with the Star Wars trailer. Can't they tell a story that doesn't have to do with prequels or sequels? That galaxy far, far away is starting to feel like a really small place. Also, part of the appeal of the Star Wars universe has always looked lived in, but now it looks like a fine layer of dirt has coated the camera lens, too. Ugh. That's what I want when I go to the movies: to watch a solid gray screen for 2 hours. What's wrong with color, Hollywood?)

Now get off my lawn.

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Humans also use only 10% of our brains

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Eleven years ago, I attended Dan Marino's Hall of Fame induction ceremony. The crowd was made up almost entirely of Dolphins fans. I imagine it was much the same thing for Packers fans yesterday when Brett Favre was inducted yesterday. However, I don't know, because I spent all day watching the Olympics.

I found out only after the fact that they canceled the Hall of Fame Game, the annual kickoff to the NFL preseason, because of poor field conditions. Apparently, no one had tested their field prior to today, and their choice of field paint made it too slick. That, or they worried that no one would be watching.

In years past, I've sometimes tuned into the HoF Game because there was nothing else to watch. But because of 5 NBC channels of Olympic coverage — including Michael Phelps own the men's 4x100-meter freestyle relay, Novak Djokavich loose a fantastic first round match of tennis, Gabby Douglas place third overall and still be disqualified from the all-around gymnastics competition — it never occurred to me to turn on the NFL Network. I suspect that I wasn't the only one.

Maybe I'll watch next year, NFL. But don't count on it. The Olympics come only every four years, but the NFL preseason is always too long.

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My confession: I've been watching a lot of women's curling in this Winter Olympics. It's hypnotic. Normally when I watch people throw stones, they're aiming for people.

I can't say I'm usually a big fan of women's sports. In most events that are divided between the sexes, it seems to me that the women's game is a watered-down version of the men's. Basketball, tennis, golf, etc. But in curling, the two games seem pretty much the same. Given a choice, who wouldn't rather have a woman sweep the floor instead of a man?

I have a couple of friends who insist on using female avatars when playing video games. Their logic has always been that they would rather look at the female form rather than the male. That may be true for my curling viewing as well. If I'm going to watch someone cradle stones all night, that someone might as well be a woman.

In the past, I've known men who watched gymnastic events because they thought the female gymnasts were sexy. Generally speaking, gymnasts are tiny things with overdeveloped muscles. Personally, I prefer athletes who wear glasses, like the girls of curling. Glasses are sexy. Don't deny it. You know it's true.

Anyway, after 2 weeks of watching curling, I think I have a pretty good grasp on the game. Too bad I'll forget it all before I see my next curling match in 2018.

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I don't know what she's talking about. I think curling is awesome.

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The more things change, the more they stay the same. For years, Olympic organizers cajoled Londoners with tales of an economic windfall of titanic proportions. Tourist-attractions and potential landlords were told to expect enough cash to reach their stiff upper lips. But now that the Olympics are here, businesses claim to be suffering record losses as Olympic tourists shun them and the locals stay home. Where have I heard that before? Oh, yeah, Atlanta in 1996.

I distinctly remember sitting in my Grandmother's bedroom in 1995, discussing acquaintances who were renovating their homes with plans for leasing them to the throngs of overseas visitors who never called. I distinctly remember working at a restaurant in 1996, watching television in the empty lounge because the Olympic visitors never left downtown and the locals stayed in their own, unleased homes. Someone must have made money in 1996, but it sure wasn't anyone I knew.

They say that those who are ignorant of history are doomed to repeat it. Pay attention, Rio, you're next.

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The arrival of the Olympics sort of killed my momentum with movies. Watching occasionally-live sports for 8 hours a day is surprisingly addictive. Personally, I blame Michael Phelps, who seems to be swimming every night in his quest to win more medals than anyone else in the history of the world. At the rate he's collecting precious metals, I figure he must be stockpiling for the coming apocalypse.

Anyway, let's just go ahead and get the rest of July out of the way. Enjoy it while it lasts. If the Olympics are any indication, movie-watching will come to a complete halt when football season finally arrives next month.

199. DOA: Dead or Alive (2006)
Maybe this is the best video game movie ever made. Watching real sexy girls fight is far more entertaining than watching computer-generated girls fight. And not a zombie in sight!

200. Comic-Con Episode IV: A Fan's Hope (2011)
This Morgan Spurlock documentary about Comic Con spends a lot of time emphasizing that the one-time king of comic book conventions is really now all about television and movies. That's no secret to those of us who have been paying attention for years, and is the main reason that I no longer want to attend the Con.

201. The Big Trees (1952)
Kirk Douglas plays a manipulative businessman in this movie, more the type of role that his son, Micheal, specializes in. They laugh alike, they walk alike, at times they even talk alike! What a crazy pair!

202. The Gamma People (1956)
This little British sci-fi flick takes place in a small, Eastern European kingdom that reminded me of the setting for Gymkata. Forget Total Recall; we're far overdue for a remake Gymkata!

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Urgent announcement: I've found religion! And his name is Michael Phelps.

In the past week, I've heard how Phelps has overcome a childhood broken home and a crippling illness (ADHD) to become the greatest swimmer Olympian human being in the history of mankind. Did I say history of mankind? I meant ever. Anywhere. In the Universe. Who needs to walk on water when you can swim through it so fast? He even wins events despite his water-tight goggles filling with water. It must be a miracle.

On NBC, the anchors have coined such phrases as "an achievement of Phelpsian proportions" (in regards to the women's diving competition) while praising Phelps in a manner reminiscent of some religion based in Rome, including asking whether we weren't "underestimating Phelps amid all the hype." The most devoted of Phelps' Phollowers (I believe they call themselves Phelps Phans) is Chris Collinsworth, who moments after the completion of the 400 medley relay told gold medal-winner Jason Lezak that his greatest claim to fame would be helping Phelps win the relay events. Meanwhile, ESPN says that Phelps is the savior of the Olympic Games. ESPN wouldn't lie to me, would it?

Poseidon is not going to be happy about this. Phelps stole Zeus' thunder!

All right, fine. Sign me up. If Michael Phelps is the greatest thing since Jesus, I want on board. I'll watch him as The Bachelor. I'll buy the products that the first mom, Debbie Phelps, the Official Mother of the Olympic Games, pitches for Johnson's. Heck, I'll even dash out and buy a pair of tighter-than-skin Speedos to wear while talking on my AT&T Wireless Phone on historic Ellis Island. That's what the Olympics are all about, right?

By the way, I just heard that Phelps' urine cures cancer. Maybe that's why everyone seems to have his dick in their mouth.

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Great news! The Olympics are now underway in China. Why is that great news? Because that means that in 3 weeks they'll be over, and I won't be bothered by them anymore.

Maybe I'm a cynic ("maybe"?), but it seems to me that a giant competition feverishly promoted and sponsored by multi-national corporate conglomerates where competitors are aligned by arbitrary political entities isn't really going to give me the best product in regards to quality. It's not that I mind that the games are driven by the odd coupling of capitalism and jingoism, I just wish they'd be more honest about it. I don't think it's possible to build a better world through bullshit.

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To be continued...