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How can anyone like Thor? Sure, he's powerful. Heck, he ought to be, he's the Norse god of Thunder. But he's an asshole. He's such an asshole that his daddy stuck him in the body of a cripple just to keep him on Earth and away from the rest of the gods. This is the equivalent of a court-mandated anger management course for immortals.

Have you tried looking in the closet, Thor? What a douche.

I think that Thor hangs around the Avengers because he doesn't have any other friends or followers. I'm sure that if Jesus were half the asshole that Thor is, we'd have never heard of Catholicism. Just chill out, Thor. Not every declarative statement is an invitation to a hammer-throwing contest, if you know what I mean.

(Note: The picture above is a card -- actual size! -- from the 1966 Donruss Marvel Super Heroes trading card set. Someone at Marvel Comics thought it would be a great idea to replace the text of various panels with really, really banal bon mots. Looking at the set is like reading a Mad Magazine written by Jessica Simpson. It's excruciating.)

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To be continued...


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