The Miami Dolphins kickoff the 2026 season tomorrow in Las Vegas versus the Raiders. That bland, factual statement is the closest thing to a positive feeling I expect to be able to muster about the coming Dolphins' season.

There have been four teams in the AFC East since 2002, and during that time, the Dolphins have finished with the best record among the four exactly zero times. That streak won't change in 2026. This shouldn't even count as a rebuilding year considering that none of the players on the current roster are likely to be around in three years; seven of the team's top eight highest paid players are already on the rosters of other teams. Fun fact: for every $1 the Dolphins are paying active players, they are paying $1.84 to players on other teams. If Henry Ford had run his business that way, we'd all still be riding horses.

It's not only all the losing that gets me down. I've been a Georgia Bulldogs fan long enough to be certain that I take much less satisfaction in my team being a champion than I get from watching the weekly struggle to climb that mountain. I crave not validation at the end of the season but the momentary distraction, the passing entertainment of each play. Sadly, there is no entertainment in most Dolphins games, where the very definition of mediocrity is put to a practical test. Flip a coin, be outcoached and outplayed for sixty minutes, repeat. As an artist, I can honestly say that I really have had better times watching paint dry.

The 2023 season was fun and recent enough that I can still remember what watching an enjoyable Dolphins game felt like. Long passes! Punishing runs! Sustained drives! A chance at second place in the division! But watching the physical/mental implosion of Tua Tagovailoa and Tyreek Hill in real time until the entire team is dismantled for parts robs one of any lingering joie de vivre. The memory of the brief good times only makes the return of the chronic malady worse.

Still, I have to admit it could be worse. I could be a Browns fan. I know one. I've never seen him watch a football game. I'm starting to think he has the right idea.

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Permalink | Tags: football miami dolphins nfl