Showing 11 - 20 of 26 posts found matching keyword: adventures in photoshop

"Authorities in Arkansas have arrested three men from Georgia in connection with a disturbing video involving a deer being beaten with a textbook."

That's the opening line of a news story Fox 5 Atlanta ran three weeks ago. I, too, find this video disturbing. I hate to see a good book ruined.

As the story goes, four young men — three of whom hailed from Carroll and Douglas counties here in Georgia — hit a deer with their car. Deciding to keep the deer as though they had shot it, they loaded it into their car. That was their first mistake.

Deer are not our friends. Deer are the Enemy. They destroy our crops and suicide bomb our cars. The last thing you want to do to a deer is give it a free ride.

After playing 'possum to get into the car, this duplicitous deer returned to life when its rescuers' backs were turned. It probably would have succeeded in stabbing the humans to death in their own car if not for the quick-thinking action of one of the young men, a native of Villa Rica, Georgia. This hero fought back with the only advantage mankind has over the dastardly deer: knowledge. He repeatedly hit the deer in the face with a college textbook.

At last we learn why textbooks cost so much. Not only are they full of boring trivia, in a pinch, they can also beat off wild animals. If I'd known that while attending college, I might have spent my student loans on books instead of pizza.

Eventually the deer was subdued and left in a ditch on the side of the road. The men, who filmed the encounter and put it on Facebook, are being charged with "wasting wildlife." That's a fancy name for littering.

While these four men should have known better, it's not too late for you to learn a couple of lessons from their misadventure. One, never pick up a hitchhiking deer, even if it's playing dead. And two, carry a textbook with you at all times. I recommend Art Through the Ages, but you can use whatever you like. Deer can't read.

Yes it will
I don't believe you.

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: adventures in photoshop great deer uprising of 2010 news

How the South won the war

I am not the least bit embarrassed to admit that I went to college with Mack Williams. This is clearly the work of a Georgia boy.

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: adventures in photoshop georgia mack williams news stone mountain

My mother thinks this blog should be nothing but poodle comics. My friends think it should contain more embarrassing pictures of Walter. I think I should probably talk more about comic books and football. But what does the public want from Wriphe.com?

To settle this argument, let's look at the keywords that drew people to Wriphe.com in the past 12 months. The top five keyword queries, seriously, were

  1. gay Batman
  2. Rock Hudson
  3. men in spandex
  4. Batman gay
  5. spandex man

Without question the three biggest category searches that brought people from Google to Wriphe.com in 2012 can be summarized as "men in spandex," "are Batman and Robin gay," and, in a distant third place, "is Mio safe to drink?" In fact, if you Google "spandex man," my image from August 15, 2005 comes first in the Google image results.

Really, I don't know if that says more about my blog content or about what people are looking for on the internet. Whatever the case, I'm sure that this post isn't helping.

Does this make me look fat?

Comments (2) | Leave a Comment | Tags: adventures in photoshop analytics google spandex wriphe.com

I was taking my poodles for a walk in the early evening twilight when I saw something I had never seen before in the woods just off the road. Thinking quickly, I grabbed my cell phone and snapped this amazing picture:

It's the most famous cryptozoological monster ever: the Belt Road Booger!

Can you believe my horror at seeing that here, in the city? My heart was racing! After looking into the depth of my soul with its piercing gaze of doom, it disappeared into the woods, and I rushed home to document the incident for the world.

Although, come to look at it, that's not a very good image. My cell phone camera photo is grainy in the low light. Hold on, I'll use my l33t computer skills to digitally enhance the image:

I'll just digitally enhance the satellite image to reveal the brand of jeans he is wearing.

See? How am I supposed to sleep at night knowing that those, those... creatures could be lurking just outside my fence? This was supposed to be a nice neighborhood. Who let those things in here?

If years of watching horror movies have taught me nothing, it's that no one believes anything until you show them a good picture. Anyone can manipulate digital images these days. I'd better take my description of the beast to a professional sketch artist:

It's sucking my will to live!

That looks like... ah! Deer! The deer are invading my neighborhood! Won't somebody do something! Somebody, please, think of the poodles!

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: adventures in photoshop georgia great deer uprising of 2010 newnan victoria

Grooming a poodle outdoors on an unusually warm January afternoon yesterday, I heard the unmistakable siren's call of an ice cream truck in my neighborhood. That sort of thing isn't surprising in Newnan. I hear ice cream trucks all summer long. Just not in January. Never in January.

What kind of ice cream truck would bother operating in the coldest month of the year, even if there was a surprisingly pleasant break in an otherwise bitter winter? What ice cream truck operator would have such a poor business model, bothering to incur the cost of gas and product for one day in January? Could there be some motivation other than profit? I wonder....

Spider-Man® Bar is made out of maltodextrin!

No! Drop that Spider-Man® Bar!

It's just those damn dirty deer and their latest tactic in the Great Deer Uprising of 2010: luring kids into eating delicious frozen snacks all year long! Popsicle® brand Spider-Man® Bars are both delicious and vegetarian. If Newnan's youth become addicted, their families won't need to hunt deer for sustenance anymore. It's so insidiously clever, it just might work!

You may have won this round, deer, but you haven't heard the last of humanity. We'll be back. For more delicious Spider-Man® Bars! Yum!

Comments (4) | Leave a Comment | Tags: adventures in photoshop great deer uprising of 2010 newnan

Crafty Georgia hunters have already solved the problem of wildlife that has learned to shoot. The best way not to get shot with your own gun by your prey? Don't go near your own gun. The Augusta Chronicle reports:

Someone actually built an Internet-controlled network of Web cameras and shotguns aimed into a food plot on a Georgia Power Co. right-of-way last fall. ... According to a Nov. 19 bulletin from the Georgia Information Sharing & Analysis Center, "three shotguns were set up on a platform and linked to a Web-accessible camera system that allows the guns to be fired via an Internet connection."

Of course, if you're not around your gun, how are you going to stop the wildlife from just taking it and using it against you? While at first thought, this may sound like a fine plan, but it has 2 major drawbacks.

  1. All this is really doing is helping wildlife avoid a 5-day waiting period at their local gun shop, and
  2. Having guns connected to keyboards really helps hoofed animals bypass trigger guards.

Smile, you're on candid web camera.

So keep your guns where you can reach them, hunters. You're going to need them.

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: adventures in photoshop augusta chronicle great deer uprising of 2010 news

This week I was forced to swerve my car because the driver in front of me had was braking to avoid two deer. No, this was not on the highway as you might expect, but in a Food Lion parking lot. It can't be a coincidence that deer would be invading our shopping centers as we gear up for the merchandising bonanza that is Halloween. That's right: deer are out for your candy. And they'll take it any way they can get it.

This is a real, unretouched photo found on foxnews.com credited to the Associated Press. Seriously.

This insidious menace is only the latest escalation in the Great Deer Uprising of 2010. Unable to enter the city of Newnan legally, the deer are now resorting to a crafty ruse in order to sneak into town under cover of darkness and steal the candy that our children earned the hard way: by going door to door and extorting it under threat of violence!

I cannot tell a lie. I did not photoshop this image that I found on the website of the Boston Globe that was credited to George Rizer. No sir, I did not.

If we let the deer get away with this, we'll only be letting the terrorists win! (Terrorist deer, that is. Make no mistake, terrorist children should still encouraged: it's the American way!) So this year, check under that mask when a cute ne'er-do-well comes banging on your door. There's a chance you'll find that he just may not be human. Far worse than zombies or vampires, he could be a deer in disguise!

Comments (3) | Leave a Comment | Tags: adventures in photoshop great deer uprising of 2010 halloween holidays newnan

Today is my birthday. (Yes, thank you.)

I asked my mother for a picture of one of the Batman cakes that I had when I was a wee lad so that I could run a Batman-related birthday item today. After a few minutes of rummaging through a dozen photo albums apparently full of dog pictures, she shrugged and said, "I guess I didn't keep any of your baby pictures. And I don't love you." (I may be paraphrasing.)

Faced with the prospect of being unable to prove that I once had a Batman cake and therefore potentially being the object of ridicule when I suggest otherwise, I decided to recreate my childhood. I'm pretty sure this is an exact recreation:

Mommy, why does Batman look so... tasty?

I for one think I've aged pretty well.

Comments (4) | Leave a Comment | Tags: adventures in photoshop batman birthday cake food holidays walter

While I'm on the subject of catalogs, do you notice anything odd about the cover to this catalog I received in the mail last week?

Good dead dog!

No? Maybe it's kind of hard at that resolution. Here, let me help; I've got an eye for this sort of thing. How about this?

Ahhhhhh! My foot!

Gee, whiz! What happened to that poor dog's toes? Look, I know that Uga VII is dead, so you can't get any new photographs of him. But there isn't exactly a shortage of images of him sitting on grass. Especially since this image is a photoshopped from a picture of... Uga VII sitting on grass.

These images are all the intellectual property of long-time Athens photographer Danny White. According to UGA, Mr. White has been the "official Uga portrait photographer since 1973." And so far as I can tell, he's taken some pretty darn good pictures of some damn good dogs. On first glance, you might think that this is one of them. Seems like someone disagrees with you, though.

Granted, there are a few unsightly wrinkles in Uga's custom Nike jersey. And his right eye is looking a little lazy. And he's got some grass hanging out of his mouth. But none of that explains why someone 'shopped in some li'l doggy toes!

Don't just take my word for it, see for yourself here against the original:


Mouse over/off this swf to control your own seizure.

If you really like this image -- the photoshopped one, not the original -- you can pick up your own copy as a handy refrigerator magnet available at www.ugaredzone.com. (For reasons unexplained, the magnet image is slightly different than either of the other two!) However, be warned: you'd better be prepared to explain to your observant guests why you have a picture of a dog with fake feet.

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: adventures in photoshop bulldogs catalog danny white dogs flash uga

I don't comment on politics often, mainly because I figure it's a mug's game: anyone running for President probably isn't worth electing President. However, yesterday the Hon. Hillary Clinton defended her refusal to withdraw from the all-but-over race for the Democratic Party nomination by explaining that she was still in the running just in case something should happen to her opponent:

Mrs. Clinton, you must have a pretty big mouth to get the whole foot in there."We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California."

Now, just for a second, let's assume that she wasn't hinting that her opponent, the Hon. Barrack Obama, will be assassinated on the way to the nomination. What is the chance that if Obama is removed from the race she wouldn't be the party nominee even if she willingly stepped aside? Hmm? (Historical note: RFK was in second place in his party's delegate counts when he was slain, and it is unlikely that he would have received the party nomination should he have survived.)

While it is too much to hope that the Clintons will be learning a lesson from this (depending on what your definition of the word "is" is), it's not too late for you, the reader of this blog, to take away a little something. As Aesop might say, the stubborn donkey that stays late in the field is likely to contract hoof-in-mouth disease.

(On a tangentially related aside, what's the chance that Ted Kennedy's recently revealed malignant brain tumor is the result of a conspiracy? I'd hate to see Teddy left out of the family legacy, after all. Poor guy might actually die from >shudder< natural causes.)

Comments (0) | Leave a Comment | Tags: adventures in photoshop foot in mouth disease hillary clinton politics voting

To be continued...

 

Search: