Showing 1 - 10 of 26 posts found matching keyword: adventures in photoshop

If Miss Teschmacher has peaks, Otis should get a burg

Good help is getting increasingly harder to find.

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There is no new fact about that day<sup>1</sup> that we need the Democrats' extraneous 'commission' to uncover<sup>2</sup>

1 "That day" was January 6, 2021, when an armed mob stormed the U.S. Capitol, resulting in the death of 5 Americans

2 Quoted May 27, 2021, on the Senate floor by Minority Whip Mitch McConnell3

3 Image is a visual approximation

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The 1960s were a different time
Adventure Comics #348, 1966

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Perhaps this is why many species eat their young

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Georgia junior senator Kelly Loeffler to Congress, February 3, 2020:

"As my notebooks filled up, I thought to myself, how did this case even make it to the Senate?"

Georgia senior senator David Purdue to Congress, February 4, 2020:

"It is clear now, after hearing all the testimony, that the primary motivation to ask Zelensky to look into the Biden-Burisma corruption issue was to root out corruption in the Ukraine."

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell to Congress, February 5, 2020:

"We will reject this incoherent case that comes nowhere near, *nowhere near* justifying the first presidential removal in history. This partisan impeachment will end today."

...

Here they come, walking down the street.

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Burt Reynolds died yesterday at the age of 82. In addition to being a football player for FSU, he starred in one of the best football movies, The Longest Yard. That alone is enough to earn a mention of his passing in this Batman/Football Month.

But wait, there's more!

According to 66batman.com, Reynolds admitted in his 2015 autobiography that he was up for the lead role of television's Batman that eventually made a star of Adam West. Can you imagine? I can.

Banditman

And, of course, the Batmobile would have been a Pontiac. Yeah, I'd've watched that.

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Sex sells everything. Including Jeep replacement parts.

I want the canvas top on page 22, but two rear tires from page 173 are probably more important.

Disclaimer: you cannot order those legs from this catalog.

In fact, this cover doesn't fill me with confidence about anything in this catalog. It's all fake. You can tell from the shadows that the Jeep and the landscape are two separate images that were edited together. Given the weird way the sun is hitting that dog, it must have been cropped in from a third source. And that totally unnecessary lens flare is straight-up a Photoshop filter (Render > Lens Flare > 50-300mm Zoom).

The inside is a little more honest. It's mostly replacement top hardware, electrical wiring, and light bars. Though there is a $29.99 "Cabana Multi Stripe Beach Towel with JeepĀ® Logo" on page 286 that probably just exists as an excuse to put a model in a bikini. Seems legit to me.

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A man was run over by a deer on April Fool's Day. This is not a joke. I never joke about deer.

The man, one Cary McCook, had just gotten out of his truck and was minding his own business when he was hit by the deer. He wasn't in the middle of a forest, either, but was standing in front of a hotel. Nowhere is safe from the Great Deer Uprising, people!

However, this wasn't a premeditated mugging. It happens that this time, the deer was fleeing man's best friend. Good dog! That means that Mr. McCook wasn't a target as much as he was collateral damage. There's friendly fire in all wars.

First bigfeet joined humanity's opposition to our deer oppressors (as we learned last month), and now, dogs. That's both ends of the animal kingdom. What's next? Ticks?

The tide is turning against you, deer. Give up while you still can.

Their fight would be adorable

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Last week, the Athens Banner-Herald ran a news story about deer/vehicle collisions on state roads, including my favorite road, US Highway 29. The story ended with this line:

"In three instances, deputies had to shoot the badly injured deer."

Think about that. Imagine a scenario in which a police officer "had to" shoot a deer. What do you see? Does it look something like this?

Buck no

It should. Those collisions weren't accidents. They were yet another offensive in deer's eternal war against humanity.

What if, instead of shooting them, the officers had given the "badly injured" deer medical attention and let them go free? How many days do you think would pass before that deer attacked another car? What if next time, it was your wife's car? Or your daughter's? Can you really afford to take that chance?

Deer. They'd do it to you.

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I have been watching, with some amusement, the current wave of clown hysteria that is sweeping the country. The news is overflowing with examples of clown-inspired chaos in Georgia alone. An 11-year-old Athens girl took a knife to school for self-defense in case of a clown outbreak. Troup County had to close schools after kids reported clowns abducting people in unmarked vans. Here in Newnan, a traveling carnival worker was arrested for scaring people in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Things have gotten so out of hand that the White House had to address the matter in a press briefing.

Apparently, waves of "creepy clown" sightings have washed across America off and on for the past 30 years, but they have historically been written off as hoaxes. However, things are changing in the Internet Age. In social media, fear spreads faster than reason.

[EDIT: Check out AtlasObscura.com's interactive map of "creepy clown" news items in America.]

This is all mass insanity. Killer Clowns From Outer Space isn't a real thing. Why are we wasting time clowning around when a much bigger threat is on the loose? No, I'm not talking about Donald Trump. (He's a different kind of clown.) What I am talking about is deer.

This is the face of death

The Great Deer Uprising continues unabated. The United States National Park Service says that the deer have amassed armies "more than 10 times greater" than common around the battlefields of Monocacy, Manassas, and Antietam. Once again, the fate of the Union hangs in the balance. Rather than wait for the deer armies to make the next move, the NPS is deploying sharpshooters. The bloodiest battleground in American History is set to run red again.

Once the deer are back in their proper place, then we can worry about clowns or whatever else you've got. In the meantime, humanity has a war to win.

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To be continued...

 

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