During a commercial break in the evening news, Mom says, "I keep getting this jingle stuck in my head." She was talking about the ad for Ozempic, which sounds more than a little like this:

I wasn't alive in 1974, but Mom was, and she says she's never heard of Pilot or their single, "Magic." Obviously, there's only one explanation for this: all documented instances of Pilot are part of an elaborate counter-intelligence campaign created by Communist trolls for the purpose of destabilizing our American capitalist corporatocracy by fooling rubes like me into believing that some kind of popular culture preexisted the marketing needs of greedy pharmaceutical conglomerates. Those bastards!

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time for my federally mandated once-weekly semaglutide injection.

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Joke blatantly stolen from friend Otto

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I've had a lot of bad things to say about the Miami Dolphins as of late. Enough that after today's game, friend Keith sent me this text:

Dude. Stop complaining. Ya'll won for fucks sake.

Yes, we did! With the longest play from scrimmage (69-yards) to win a game with no time remaining in the fourth quarter by any NFL team since the 1970 merger. (I know that's a long qualifier, but I'll take what I can get.)

Woot.

Watch it on YouTube.

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More movies!

178. (1407.) The Fearless Vampire Killers (1967)
Ugh. Roman Polanski's "horror" film is technically a comedy, although there is very little to laugh at and the ending isn't exactly happy. I would not watch it again.

179. (1408.) The Slumber Party Massacre (1981)
For years, I've been on the lookout for a movie with a particular line of dialogue. That line wasn't in this movie, but I think this was the movie that the line would have been in if it was in anything. To clarify, I'm now of the opinion that the line was fabricated, but there is a scene in this with a power drill, a girl of loose morals, and a camera angle that perfectly replicate what I would have expected to see while the line was delivered. (And no, I won't repeat the line here. Trust me, it wouldn't make any more sense without a whole lot more explaining, and none of us wants that.) As for the movie, it's a perfectly satisfying slasher flick, if you're into that sort of thing.

(If that sounds familiar, I accidentally ran that last month as my review of Sleepaway Camp. Rather than review Sleepaway Camp here, I'm correcting my mistake and have updated the original post with the right review.)

180. (1409.) Raging Bull (1980)
Ok, I've seen enough of Martin Scorsese. I can definitively say now that I don't like his movies. Yes, they are well made, but the subject matter just doesn't speak to me.

181. (1410.) X-Men: Apocalypse (2016)
What exactly were Apocalypse's powers? What role do his horsemen serve? Why do I keep watching X-Men movies? The one good thing: Storm drinks Coca-Cola!

Drink Coke! (X-Men Apocalypse)

182. (1411.) Theodora Goes Wild (1936)
A typical screwball comedy of its era. A mousy author has her secret identity exposed to the world by an asshole artist, so she does what she can to ruin him... because she has fallen in love with him. It's better than I just made it sound.

More to come.

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I've been sick for most of the past two weeks, ever since former friend Ken infected me with his blech at the the Georgia Tech/UGA game. (No, seriously, Ken. You will get your comeuppance for this.)

When I was sick back in March 2017, I had a delightful piece of art from friend Cam to post while I recovered. Luckily for me (and you), she's been back to work.

Merry Cokemas 2018

Keep up the good work, Cam. I eagerly look forward to seeing what you'll have for me to post when I'm sick in 2019!

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This shit isn't even worth 7 dollars

It's portable! Take one everywhere: the office, the park, on the airplane, in your bedroom.... The possibilities are endless.

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Christmas is over. I have already bought myself the only present I needed.

Damn it, Jim, I'm a doctor not a walkie talkie

Yes, this is a functioning bluetooth-enabled speakerphone.

And no, you'll never talk to me over a normal phone again.

#BeamMeUp

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I blame you for this, Ken

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My aunt's contribution to our Thanksgiving feast included stuffing, chocolate ice cream, and three dozen sugar cookies bought from the Kroger bakery.

The others ate the stuffing and ice cream. I ate the cookies. All of the cookies.

To be honest, I ate too many cookies. I don't know what Kroger put in them, but each was more delicious than the last. I. Just. Couldn't. Stop. Now I'm going through cookie withdrawal.

I thought I was through the worst of it when Mom went grocery shopping today... and returned with another three dozen cookies.

"I came around the aisle," she said, "and there they were, the only cookies on the table. The last batch. They wouldn't have been there if I wasn't supposed to buy them and bring them home for you."

So that's my Mom, who thinks that fate is trying to bring me and cookies together. Fate is not the boss of me! I'm an independent, rational, strong-willed individual. I can resist the allure of a basket of sweet, sweet sugar cookies.

Cookies 72, Walter 0

DAMN YOU, COOKIES!

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More movies watched in October:

172. (1401.) Sleepaway Camp (1983)
I think this slasher horror is the movie that inspired Earnest Goes to Camp. I'm not going to pretend to understand the ending, but it's effectively damn creepy. Good job.

173. (1402.) The Legend of Tarzan (2016)
Is it possible to make a Tarzan film anymore that isn't just completely ridiculous? Although, I guess when you get right down to it, a British lord raised by gorillas who swings on vines and talks to elephants and tigers isn't all that plausible in the first place. I retract my complaint. It's a fine way to pass the time in a hospital.

174. (1403.) The Stepford Wives (1975)
This, the original film, is much better than the tepid 2000s Nicole Kidman remake. It's both an effective thriller and a satire with sharp teeth. Much enjoyed.

175. (1404.) Pauline at the Beach (1983)
French film with lots of talking about relationships (with both genders at fault) and no satisfying resolution. The last lines are literally paraphrased: you interpret it your way, and I'll interpret it my way. That's... not helpful. I guess we're all just screwed.

176. (1405.) Follow Me Quietly (1949)
An obsessive cop stalks a serial killer in this bland police procedural. (I've already forgotten most of what happens.)

177. (1406.) Baby Peggy, the Elephant in the Room (2012)
TCM ran this documentary biography about the last living silent film star, Baby Peggy, on her 100th birthday. I was unfamiliar with her work, but apparently that's not so unusual as bad business decisions and greed doomed her career while she was still a toddler. Hollywood: screwing people over for over a century!

More to come.

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To be continued...

 

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