Showing 21 - 30 of 34 posts found matching keyword: victoria

Portrait of a Lady: A quiet moment of poodle introspection.

How much for that doggy in the window?

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My poodles are typically so well behaved, but every once in awhile they lose their heads. Or at least someone's head.

You should have seen the other doll.

What you see above is all that remains of a Bradley cloth doll that my now deceased grandmother bought my mother in the late 1960s. Mom had kept it on a counter in the dining room, but that's no obstacle to a determined poodle. I have idea where the head ended up. Most people seem to like the big eyes of these Bradley Dolls, but I guess that Victoria didn't.

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Today at Home Depot I saw a woman with a service dog. That wasn't so unusual. What was unusual was the fact that the service dog was a standard poodle with a very froufrou hairdo. Smart, good looking, and well-educated? What woman doesn't want that?

Poodles require a lot of grooming. Monthly haircuts, frequent baths and combings; hair bows alone can get pretty expensive. It takes a lot of work to keep them so good-looking. I suspect that this dog was called a service dog because of how much service it requires from its owner, not the other way around.

I love poodles. I have two myself, you know. However, I'm not sure that either of my poodles would make a very good service dog. Victoria is plenty smart enough, but I suspect that she would only lead me to things that she wants. July is obedient enough, but she wouldn't ever move if she thought she was walking away from me. And I am sure that neither would be much help to me in a Home Depot.

This dog with his short Utility-style haircut, perfectly brushed mane, and well-manicured nails was standing patiently beside his owner in the trim moulding aisle. Meanwhile I hadn't shaved and was wearing a t-shirt with a hole under the right armpit. I was struggling to choose between 1-1/4" joint moulding and 1-3/4" picture moulding; he didn't appear to be doing much of anything at all. I don't mean to imply that there was something fishy going on. I'm just saying that whatever service that dog was performing wasn't readily visible. All I could be sure of at the time was that despite only being about 2-and-a-half feet tall, the dog was looking down its nose at me.

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I was taking my poodles for a walk in the early evening twilight when I saw something I had never seen before in the woods just off the road. Thinking quickly, I grabbed my cell phone and snapped this amazing picture:

It's the most famous cryptozoological monster ever: the Belt Road Booger!

Can you believe my horror at seeing that here, in the city? My heart was racing! After looking into the depth of my soul with its piercing gaze of doom, it disappeared into the woods, and I rushed home to document the incident for the world.

Although, come to look at it, that's not a very good image. My cell phone camera photo is grainy in the low light. Hold on, I'll use my l33t computer skills to digitally enhance the image:

I'll just digitally enhance the satellite image to reveal the brand of jeans he is wearing.

See? How am I supposed to sleep at night knowing that those, those... creatures could be lurking just outside my fence? This was supposed to be a nice neighborhood. Who let those things in here?

If years of watching horror movies have taught me nothing, it's that no one believes anything until you show them a good picture. Anyone can manipulate digital images these days. I'd better take my description of the beast to a professional sketch artist:

It's sucking my will to live!

That looks like... ah! Deer! The deer are invading my neighborhood! Won't somebody do something! Somebody, please, think of the poodles!

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What, me worry?

In celebration of the death of Osama bin Laden, Victoria decided to dig him a grave.
In celebration of Osama bin Laden's burial at sea, I gave Victoria a bath.

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Last night in bed, Victoria decided to get my attention by poking me in the left eye. It worked.

Let's play kick the Superdog with Superboy!

Boy, howdy, that was (and remains) painful! I'm sure there's a lesson in this somewhere, but I just can't see it right now. Tonight I'll be sleeping in safety glasses.

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Poodle Philosophy 101: Part 2

They can run but they can also hide.

Good girls know that two heads are better than one when it comes to bird watching.

There is no U in team.

Bird chasing, on the other paw, is every poodle for herself.

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Poodle Philosophy 101: Part 1

I love the smell of squirrel in the morning.

Victoria always takes the opportunity to smell the roses. And squirrels.

Bite me.

July bites off only as much as she can chew. In this mouthful.

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North meets South

Victoria was taken aback on a recent walk through the cemetery when she noticed this Confederate flag and marker for Dr. North. "Dr. North working for the South? Preposterous!" Ah, poodles. Will they never cease being amazed by the peculiar foibles of humanity?

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My dogs have had a fight. Now they won't stay in the same room with one another. Victoria seems properly apologetic, but July still growls at her whenever she comes within 5 feet. Most surprising about this is the discovery that July can hold a grudge for longer than 24 hours, though I suspect that she may be milking the situation for a little extra attention. If this is anything like raising children, I'll have no part in that, thank you.

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To be continued...

 

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